CANBERRA, Australia – When a dark intruder smashed through his bedroom window and repeatedly bounced on his bed, Beat Ettlin at first was relieved to discover it was a kangaroo. "My initial thought when I was half awake was, 'It's a lunatic ninja coming through the window,'" the 42-year-old told The Associated Press on Monday. "It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in."
But his relief was short-lived. As Ettlin cowered beneath the sheets with his wife and 9-year-old daughter at 2 a.m. Sunday, the frantic kangaroo bounded into the bedroom of his 10-year-old son Leighton Beman, who screamed, "There's a 'roo in my room!"
"I thought, 'This can be really dangerous for the whole family now,'" Ettlin said.
The ordeal played out over a few minutes in the family's house in Garran, an upmarket suburb in the leafy national capital of Canberra.
Ettlin, a chef originally from the Swiss city of Stans, said he jumped the 90 pound (40 kilogram) marsupial from behind and pinned it to the floor. He grabbed it in a headlock and wrestled the trashing and bleeding intruder into a hallway, toward the front door.
He used a single, fumbling hand to open the front door and shoved the kangaroo into the night.
"I had just my Bonds undies on. I felt vulnerable," he said, referring to a popular Australian underwear brand.
I am still laughing even as I write this at the “lunatic ninja” line! Between this and that crazy ass monkey attack a few weeks back I’m starting to wonder if we shouldn’t get the jump on these animals. Here’s my plan.
I’m gonna head into a forest. Like, deep into the forest. I’m gonna just stand there and howl, growl, and shout. I want the biggest, meanest ass bear to come out of the bushes. I’m gonna be in his face like, “What? Say sumthin’.” And it wont because, it’s, like, a bear and everything. But it will growl. And I’ll just stand there like, “Whatever, dude” and punch it in the neck. They don’t like that. Next thing you know, I got a new jacket and feel even more manly.
Rockets.
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