This Is Where You Wanna Be!

"I'd move to Los Angeles if New Zealand and Australia were swallowed up by a tidal wave, if there was a bubonic plague in England and if the continent of Africa disappeared from some Martian attack." - Russell Crowe.

Fuck you, Russell.

I get so tired of people talking shit about California. The messed up thing is that most of the people that talk shit about my state are people from other states and the people they are talking about are people that weren’t even born in my state! Its like a circle of stupid.

My state rocks ass. You can drive in any direction for an hour or two and experience desert, beach, or snow. How many other places can say that? We have floods but its usually in rich ass places so it doesn’t count. Some people are like “Oh, you guys have earthquakes!” And? I would rather sit around and have my state squeeze out a 5.0 fart than know that my house is going to get blown away every single year. We get forest fires every year but don’t have any friends that live in a forest so its all good.

We have action. Have you ever seen our news? High speed chases, bitches. There is nothing like sitting at home bored and then all of a sudden there is breaking news and you have a free show for the next couple of hours. How will it end? Will he crash? Will he get shot? Will he do something crazy like blow his brains out on live TV? I don’t know! Either way I am glued to the screen and waiting for the next chase.

Not everyone in California is concerned with how they look and all materialistic. That shit is a myth that is constantly being perpetuated by people, like I said, that don’t come from here. They think its what they are supposed to do and just keep it going. People that are born and raised in California are special. We can spot bullshit from a mile away. We’re not like New Yorkers constantly bragging about how tough we are. We have a calm type of crazy. We know how dangerous our streets can be. The last thing we need to do is walk around bragging about how bad shit is some places. No one is sneaking into South Carolina. Hmm. Maybe that isn’t something to brag about.

I can give you a list of places to go if you ever decide to visit my state. Fuck that. My city. If you’re ever in L.A here are some places to go.

1. Hollywood. Just to say you went. Nothing there but tourist traps and weirdoes. It is way dirtier than it seems on TV. And its really short. If you know where to look you can find some cool little shops to grab some stuff at.

2. Venice Beach/Santa Monica Pier/3rd Street Promenade. You can start at 3rd Street and make your way down to the Pier and mosey on over to Venice. Lots of things to see, a cool beach, and lots of folks looking really good or really bad.

3. Chinatown/Little Tokyo. Lots of cool shit to check out. They have some awesome places to eat and cool shops where everything is cheap.
4. Sunset. Sunset is cool if you have money to waste. I don’t so I only ride the bus on Sunset. Just take that bus to Westwood or stay on the bus and head to the beach. Yes, you can take a bus from Downtown L.A all the way to the beach in an hour. Cool, huh?

5. South Central. People talk shit about what is now known as “South L.A” but if you know where to go you can find some really cool places to shop. The best food is in or near the worst neighborhoods. Burgers so greasy you can see them through the bag. Ribs that will raise your blood pressure. I miss living in South Central just for the food alone.

Hope that helps you out some. L.A isn’t as glamorous as it seems on TV but its still cool. I love my city and state and never want to leave. You can keep your tornadoes, floods, snow storms, hurricanes, black ice, and volcanoes. I love L.A.

Rockets.