Cool Shit Black People Invented: Henry Thomas Sampson, Jr.

Today’s entry of Cool Shit Black People Invented is kinda hard for me. I mean, I know that his invention is very useful. Its just that I don’t use it. Millions of people do. I am the only person I know that doesn’t so that makes me, Dante, the weirdo. Well, that and my four foot long tail and knees that bend in the opposite direction. Besides that I’m totally just like all of you.

Henry Thomas Sampson Jr. created a device that some of you are using right now. Or you just did. Maybe you’re even using it to read this blog. Which would be weird because you wouldn’t be able to read all the funny shit I add in my captions. Sampson (“Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden, ‘cause it’s hard being Black an’ gifted!”) created the cell phone!

"Can you hear me now? Of course you can."

Now, I’m not sure what aspect of the thing he created. I also cant use a cell phone. Seriously. Next time you see me hand me your phone and ask me to make a call. Its like watching a baby use a cell phone. Which some do. And when a baby has a cell phone you can bet your ass that its talking mad shit about you and your parenting skills.

"Yeah, this bitch drinking wine at 11a.m."

Sampson was also the first Black dude…man…person to earn a Ph. D in Nuclear Engineering in the U.S. What does that mean? I don’t know but its better than anything you’re doing right now. He was too smart to be held back. I bet he could even explain why his skin colored scientifically made him able to create the cell phone somehow. But whatever. If it wasn’t for a cell phone this wouldn’t exist.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap...!

Besides inventing cool shit he writes. He has written about Blacks that were ignored in the first half of last century. He also wrote about--do you remember old school cell phones? Man, those things were fucking huge! And you were a total boss if you had one. I can just imagine the Hulk like amounts of radiation those things put out. But all the vajayjay you got totally made up for it.

Getting tons of pussy. Seriously. His trunk is full of cats.

Next time you whip out your phone to tell me that I need to get one thank Henry Thomas Sampson Jr. I know that’s a lot to say but its fine. You still have some rollover minutes left on the damned thing he invented!