Monday, May 5, 2014

Why Isn't Dante Dating? The Quickening



Even though I don't date and don't plan on it I like taking dating surveys. It is a good way to have a conversation with myself (which I have a lot of time to do) and to figure shit out. I was talking to my friend a few days ago and she told me that I “don't try” when I'm in a relationship. She wasn't able to give me any clarification on that statement which still bothers the hell out of me. I don't try? What could she have meant by that? I'll ask later.

This set of questions if more fun and to the point than ones I've done in the past. I'm sure there's room for elaboration on these but that's what actual conversations are for. Lately it has been sinking in more that one day I'm gonna end up as a strange smell that gets reported or a stain on my neighbors ceiling that gets complained about so I might as well write down a bunch of date related stuff.

What was your favorite Halloween costume and why?

This Skeletor one from the He-Man cartoon. I had it I think when I was around 6 or 7 years old. When I put that cheap ass thing on I really thought that I was the character.

If you could have dinner with any three people from any time, fictional or non-fictional, who would they be and why?

My late brother Kevin, Robert Downey Jr., and Brandon Lee. Any fake people would either be too psychotic or dangerous to have dinner with.

If you could be invisible, where would you go and what would you do?

I was gonna say something to do with seeing someone nude but if that were the case I would go and see a stripper. I would probably go to Africa. I have no desire to go there if I have to be seen. It would be cool to just wander around there unseen.

If your life was turned into a movie, what actor would play you?

Oh, god. I don't even know. I don't think any actor looks like me. I'll just say Michael B. Jordan because he's good.

What made you laugh the hardest in your entire life?

A few weeks ago while hanging out with my cousin within a minute so much nonsense happened that made me laugh harder than I ever have in my life. Even saying all that happened does a disservice to the new laugh I discovered.

What's your favorite childhood memory?

It's hard to pick one but most of them involve it being Christmas and getting a present.

If you were a waiter and a customer was being rude, would you spit in their food?

God, no. That's rude and nasty. That isn't the kinda story I could share with friends.

What is your deepest regret?

Not telling my brother that I loved him.

Have you ever dated someone from another race? Would you?

Yes. If you asked my mother she would say that's all I did.

What was your first date like?

It was awesome. I mean, we did see a movie about a guy being tortured for two hours but afterward we talked for a few hours and I got to kiss her on the cheek.

What's the worst lie you ever told? Did you get caught?

I told a chick in junior high that I loved her to shut her up. There was nothing to get caught about really.

If you suddenly found yourself turned into a woman, how would you spend your day?

Making sure I didn't have to touch my vagina. Women say that if they were a man for a day that they would do nothing but penis related activities. I'd stay as far from my vagina as possible until this situation ended.

How do you handle people you don't like?

I stay away from them. There are far better ways to spend my time than dealing with people I don't like.

Would you rather be smart and ugly or dumb and beautiful?

I've done the former for enough years. The latter would be fun to try out for a while.

Do you have a sexual fantasy no one else knows about?

Of course. But when I hear others mine seem very tame.

What's the difference between sex and making love?

How good a gift you give someone.

If you could change the age at which you lost your virginity, would you? Would it be younger or older and why?

I would change it, yeah. I think I would go younger. If it didn't happen when it did it would've been years by the time I actually had sex. Opportunities were not around and I wasn't looking.

What's the craziest place you ever had sex?

I don't have crazy place sex. Just blowjobs. I have had some crazy blowjob places.

Have you ever had sex with someone when you didn't really want to?

Once. It was to stop her from bothering me.

Have you ever cheated on your partner? Did this person ever find out, and if so, what happened?

I thought I did once. Turns out she had dumped me already but didn't tell me. She never found out. If she does now I don't care. She was a terrible person.  

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