This is gonna be long and rambling. You have been warned. I first did a blog like this and about a month and a half later I ended up in a relationship. This isn't being written in the hopes of dating again. This is more to make me remember what happens in a relationship and keep me out of them. During my last relationship that was the shortest one I've had in my adult life there were a lot of ups and downs. The downs I will blame on the fact that I refuse to change my ways in terms of communication.
My last two relationships were long
distance but with this one it wasn't so far that I couldn't travel.
The fact that I even left the state surprised my friends because
everyone knows that I just don't travel. I like where I am. When she
came we were together all the time and when I visited her we were
together all the time. And it was good. But the internet? Oh, the
internet. Any time there was a problem it was during instant
messaging. That stuff gives people the chance to be a different
person and say things that they would never say to me over the phone
or to my face.
That relationship lasted (including
when we “broke up”) about five months. Honestly, the fact that we
lived in different states made it easier to get over. That and the
fact that almost every conversation over the internet ended with
anger. One of my best friends asked me often if I was okay after the
split and I told her that I was. I was mostly confused. Why? Because
I was just being myself. There was nothing that I lied about but she
didn't believe what I was saying or doing. One of the problems was
the fact that I talk to a lot of women which is discussed in the
first Why Isn't Dante Dating blog.
Another reason and its totally valid
was that I don't have plans for my future. Well, at the time I
didn't. I do now. But at the time I was just living my life, trying
to make her happy when I could, helping out however I could, and just
being me. When a kid is involved shit is different. I'd never done
that before. I mean, I had been with people that had a kid or two but
they were never around. But this time there was a kid and I was cool
with it. It was a new thing for me but kids like me so it was fine.
I don't have kids of my own and
probably never will. I've talked about it but that was with my last
two girlfriends. But when I am with someone, and this came up in a
discussion, and they have a kid there are things that need to happen.
Right now I am not in the position to support a child. I'm barely
getting by on my own and I'll be damned if I let a kid in my care
starve. I also don't drive. The idea of raising a kid making enough
for just Dante, not driving, not having a cell phone, and just flat
out knowing that I can't have a kid now is bad all around. I have
accepted this.
When I look back at previous
relationships I try and think of if I ever tried to change things
about them. If I wanted them to change it was usually their mood
or talking to people that made them feel like shit. Otherwise I took
them as they were until they started making me feel shitty. I've said
before that I want someone that could be a tag team partner with me
and sometimes it seems like we are. When I am getting my ass kicked I
look to the corner and there they are, holding the rope, reaching for
me. I get that hot tag and the crowd goes wild. Then here comes the
heel turn. I'm using a lot of wrestling terms.
A few months after my last relationship
ended I started liking someone else. Look, when I end up liking
someone its a surprise to me. One part of my brain is like “Didn't
you just go through this? Don't you remember how you felt after it
ended? You didn't just lose a girlfriend, you lost a friend!” and
the other is like “This chick is cool, funny, great to talk to and
be around. And maybe if you're lucky you won't get slapped if you try
and kiss her!” And I didn't. But it didn't work out. We didn't
date. We don't really talk. It happened and ended but we're still
cool. I mostly felt bad because I haven't kissed a lot of people and
adding another name to that small list bugs me.
I went to the internets again to find
some questions from dating sites to answer. So many were like the
first batch I did so I eliminated them and answered the ones that
were interesting to me. As of this writing, which is almost a year
and two ladies later, I'm single and not even kinda close to dating
anyone.
What kinds of things really make you
laugh?
People falling. I know it sounds
horrible but watching people fall or “fail” videos make me crack
up. That and just conversations that start off somewhere else and the
next thing you know things that shouldn't be funny end up making me
crack up. A few weeks ago I lost my shit laughing at an eagle
snatching a baby out of a park. Things you shouldn't laugh at make me
laugh.
What’s your favorite place in the entire world?
Anywhere I am feeling good and around
good people is my favorite place. I love being at home but there have
been times where I am hanging with a friend and its my current
favorite place to be. I've had moments at a concert where things were
so perfect that I didn't want things to change. I've had my face
buried in a chicks legs and that was my favorite place to be. My
favorite place in the world changes.
Favorite movie of all time? Why so?
The Crow. When I first saw that movie
it just made me feel different. I know people have far more popular,
expensive, or life changing films that are their favorite. But for me
its a movie about a guy that gets killed as his fiancee is raped and
murdered and comes back to life for revenge. Not sure what that says
about me.
What’s your biggest goal in life right now?
To support myself based solely on
things I create. Like my writing. CLICK HERE to help with that! I
wish I had started writing earlier in life and moving towards the
goal of publishing. But I like podcasting, writing, drawing, talking,
and watching movies. At some point I want to combine all of these
things and create my own network.
What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday?
When you don't have a job every day is
Saturday. It depends. When I am dating someone I like making
breakfast and watching TV or talking in the morning. Maybe having the
sex.
What was your family like growing up?
Loud. I grew up around loud people and
fighting which is why I tend to be quiet and absolutely hate fighting
or arguing. If you wanna argue about stuff I'm the wrong person. I
will just walk away from you while you're still talking. My family
isn't as close as it used to be. People splintered off. I'm not close
to 99.9% of my family. I'm the strange one.
What do you see as the best way for a couple to resolve conflicts?
What do you see as the best way for a couple to resolve conflicts?
There are different things depending on
what the conflict is about. There are some issues that can be
resolved by just sitting your ass down and going “Look. We have to
squash this shit right now or stop talking to each other.”
Sometimes you just need a few hours away from each other. There's
nothing worse than when you just need an hour or two to let shit
settle down and think and someone is like “Tell me what's wrong!”
Other times there's conflicts where you both just need to realize
that you're poisoning each other and need to get away before you make
each other too toxic for anyone else to even love you.
How would you describe your needs for affection in a relationship?
How would you describe your needs for affection in a relationship?
I need to feel like I'm special. I
don't want who I am with to be as affectionate as with everyone else
they know. They can't say they love everyone they know as much as
they love me. Nope. I'm not saying that they can't love people that
aren't me, but its nice to know you're special. I'm super touchy,
too. Like, super touchy. Otherwise I don't like coming in contact
with people for the most part. I have a few friends I hug but for the
most part folks get handshakes or a nod.
How would you describe your needs for sex in a relationship?
How would you describe your needs for sex in a relationship?
Meh. Honestly, no woman can keep me
based solely on sex. I tend to go without sex for two year intervals
whether anyone wants to believe it or not. I had one ex that was a
virgin when we met and broke up. Sex is awesome, don't get me wrong.
But its not something that will make or break me. Wait. Let me
rephrase that. If we start off having sex and then its taken away
there's a problem. But if we start not having it and its consistent
then I am fine with it. Also, if the sex is bad I won't hound you for
it. Sex is as important as you make it. Being able to talk to you is
more important to me.
What should I know about you that I’d
never think to ask about?
What's on my mind. No one asks me
what's on my mind. People ask me how I am feeling or what I am doing
or up to. If you ask me what is on my mind there's gonna be a lot of
answers or one really thoughtful response. That's why I write so much
stuff like this. No one sits down with me and asks me questions like
these. That's not to shit on the great conversations I have with
friends. But no one asks me what's on my mind.
Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?
I have had a lot of nicknames growing
up until adulthood. I'll try and list all of them. Double D, Barney,
Bundy, Homer, D., DanTE, Ross, Ross-Ross, Boss, Dante Picante, Babe,
Brown Bear, Sugie, Hambone, Baby Luther (Vandross), and The Dante.
All the coolest ones I made up myself but none are listed above. The story is that people like calling me other names than my own.
Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?
My old art teacher Laurie Lombardi.
Last time I checked she still teaches. She was this thin, red haired
White lady that taught me an art technique that I still use until
this day. She was patient with me which was nice in such a shitty
school. She was just awesome.
What do you hate most about the dating process?
The part where people aren't honest
about who they are good or bad. I'm aware that we're all fuck ups. I
have heard people I dated tell me shit they did (or I later found
out) that was just fucking terrible but I stuck with them. Just be
honest. I try my best to be. I talk too much or not at all. I like
myself so being alone doesn't bother me. I won't lie about what I
have. I'll answer almost any question you ask me. I'm not someone who
will go on a vacation with you. Okay, the part I hate most about
dating is the same stuff I hate about making new friends. Its this
shocked reaction to things about me. “You don't do drugs? Not even
weed? You've never been arrested? You've never had kids? How can you
live without a cell phone? How can you live in L.A and not drive?”
People act more shocked that I don't drive than I am when they tell
me they have had abortions or were arrested for assault. My reaction
tends to be “Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...”
If you made it this far thanks for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment