Monday, June 29, 2015

Five Things I Learned Working Customer Service

There are so many different terms for customer service but it all boils down to one thing: no one really wants to do it. I'm talking about working behind a cash register or god forbid having to be on a sales floor helping people make decisions that they should have before they left the house. When you step out of the house wearing your uniform (or for the lucky ones that could leave it at work) you knew that the best part of your day was 8 to 10 hours away.

In this Five Things I Learned Working Customer Service I'm gonna cover all of the different aspects of it that I experienced from two pet stores, a mail room, and a porn shop. I could add the hospital because I had to wear a uniform but I wouldn't really consider washing up vomit or moving corpses as a customer service so much as punishment for crimes in a past life. I mean, seriously. Just how many Native Americans did I kill and how many slaves did I own to receive the life I live?!

Friday, June 26, 2015

I Care When I Want 2

Years ago I made the decision to stop watching the news. I know that a choice like that would make it seem like I am misinformed, stupid, or don't care about world issues. Well, that is mostly true. I try not to care about world issues because when I was younger my hair fell out from stressing about things that did not concern me or I couldn't change. Most of the stuff in the news are things I can't change or just horrible shit.

A few days ago I just left the TV on and the news started with a huge fire, then a murder, then another murder, then a missing teen, then a kidnapping, then a police standoff, then a protest about police doing terrible shit, then a dog was found, then a mountain lion got too close to humans, some robberies, and then some cat that could do a stupid trick. It was a roller coaster of nonsense. What does seeing all that shit do for me? Tell me how dangerous the world is? Yeah, there are riots in some country I'll never visit. Sucks to be there just like it sucks to be here for other reasons. I try not to get into who has it worse contests.

Dante Vs. Nature 53

Stay away from our women! Sorry. Reflex. There is an 18 year old gorilla in Japan that people are saying women are going crazy over and that makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess this is what it must feel like when ladies go nuts over the idea of men being attracted to robot women. This gorilla is named Shabani and he lives in the Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens in Nagoya. You might as well say Mars. That entire sentence was word salad to me.

They say that there are always over one hundred people shouting at the gorilla to get a picture of him. If you can't get to the zoo he also has a Twitter account that I assure you is far more interesting than mine. Born in Australia, moved to the Netherlands, and now residing in Japan he has traveled further than I ever will in my life.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Sunny With A Chance Of Boners

Back when I was a kid I used to watch the weather reports with this guy known as Dr. George. His actual name was George Fischbeck but he was known by the other. People say the weather never changes in Los Angeles and while that is mostly true when I was a kid it seemed to change more often. We had more rain, more thunder storms, and hail. It doesn't hail anymore which I'm sure my Grandmama would be grateful for since she thought it was bad luck.

I assumed that Dr. George died back in the 90's or something but when looking up an image for him to write this I found out that he died this past March at the age of 92. He was a type of weatherman that is not around as much anymore meaning old and a man. Today the weather forecasters are women that wear very little or the same older guys from when I was a kid.

Friday, June 19, 2015

A Word About The Charleston Church Shooting

This is going to be different from other blogs I post. This is about a topic that is in the news but I won't be using any names. Once the names of all the victims are released I'll do that, but as for the shooter, his name will not be mentioned in this post. Earlier today (yesterday as of this posting) a 21 year old kid shot and killed nine people in church. It is said that it was done because of their race. That is easy to believe when you know that the kid was not a fan of Black people which all the victims were and he is White and is all about racial supremacy.

(names added) Cynthia Hurd, 54; Susie Jackson, 87; Ethel Lance, 70; Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor, 49; Hon. Rev. Clementa Pinckney, 41; Tywanza Sanders, 26; Rev. Daniel Simmons Sr., 74; Rev. Sharonda Singleton, 45; Myra Thompson, 59.

This attack is being labeled a hate crime as well as a terrorist attack. I don't like that. I don't like either of those terms for various reasons. When you say hate crime it marginalizes it. It means this against that. This race versus that one. It makes people look at those that are the same skin color of the attacker angry at people who've done nothing to them. Race crimes get explanations attached to them that eventually lose their edge. This isn't all about a race. Its about one idiot and his skewed perception of reality.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Prison Employee Helps Inmates Escape

The story about that prison employee helping those two convicts escape keeps getting stranger. Joyce Mitchell worked at the Clinton Correctional Facility teaching prisoners how to sew and fix sewing machines. Joyce got them hacksaw blades, some chisels, a punch (not sure what that is), and a screwdriver. She has pleaded not guilty and has been suspended from her job with no pay. She also was in talks with the escapees to kill her husband. She was supposed to be the getaway driver but got a case of the guilties and decided that she still loved her husband. But she still gave the guys a way to escape so they did.

The guys that she helped escape were no simple drug dealers or bank robbers. David Sweat, 35, was doing life without parole for killing a sheriff's deputy. Richard Matt, 48, was doing 25 to life for kidnapping, torturing, and dismembering his former boss. Authorities say that the guys cut through the backs of their cells, through a brick wall, and then got through a steam pipe before emerging from a manhole. They would use the tools and replace them after working each night.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Random Information

Sonic the Hedgehog is the only character that I can draw from memory.

I could read at age 3.

I did not learn to tie my shoes until I was about 9.

When I was 6 I could palm a basketball.

After two weeks I the 4th grade I was skipped to the 5th grade.

Then kept in the 5th grade because it was “unfair” to the kids we left behind.

As a child I wanted to be a boxer to impress my father.

Then a heart surgeon.

Dante Bitches About Cosmo Relationship Advice

Cosmo is a site that I go to when I am finished ironing all my clothes, cleaning my apartment, getting my pubes on fleek, and doing everything else a grown ass man should be doing. There is this guy on there that answers relationship question that folks send in named Logan Hill that I've bitched about before because he tends to take a while to answer a simple question. I'm gonna do the same thing again where I take what someone asked and put his reply and then mine. I'll be shortening his replies because fuck all that. Its my blog.

Question: My boyfriend is a terrible sleeper. He tosses and turns all night, and he claims that he sleeps worse when I am there. Because of this, he only invites me to stay over on the two nights a week that he doesn't have to get up for work in the morning so we can sleep in. I hate leaving him to go home when it's a work night. It makes me wonder how we will ever eventually live together or get married if he hates sharing a bed so much. Is this normal?

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Best of Black Prophet Volume 2

Here is volume two of the highly offensive Black Prophet rants. Its a lot of fun for me to go back and listen to these shows because I can remember the nervousness I felt when I would be going live. 

Sometimes I didn't know who was in studio and it would be someone I was a fan of and it was my new mission to not shit the bed or laugh when they said something. It got harder to keep a straight face because I would laugh at the show as a fan but had to stay angry as BP. Remember, this was a character. If I talked and behaved like this guy in real life I wouldn't have 95% of the friends I do. While editing this I would forget to trim the clip and just sit here listening to half an hour of the episode and laughing. Click here to download these episodes.

Carl's Jr Last Meal Burger

I saw a commercial for Carl Jr's. new All American Thickburger and was grossed out imagining people eating it in public. It contains a beef, hotdogs, kettle chips, and cheese. Now I thought that Domino's new hotdog in the crust pizza with a side of mustard was bad, but this is on a whole...'nother...level. You couldn't eat this and do anything afterward. You don't chow down on this and get back to work after a lunch break. You don't eat this on a date. Why? Because you'll be peeing out of your butt half an hour later. If you made this yourself at home it'd be better because whatever they do to burger meat at restaurants it causes bowels to loss their structural integrity like the Enterprise's shield. And the chick in the commercial probably cleaned her hand with fire after filming this. She ain't ever eat this thing in her life!  

Monday, June 15, 2015

Stupid Flakka User & Horse Bangery

Some people just need to be pulled aside and spoken to by Jesus or someone that is concerned about their mental well-being. This 19 year old chick from Florida, of course, named Daneshia Heller was arrested after making a call to cops. I know that sounds crazy but give me a moment. She called police because she wanted to buy some weed and gave a dealer $5 and he never came back with the drugs. When police showed up they found a bag of white substance on her. Turns out she had some flakka on her which is a crazy ass new drug that I've written about before. She was charged with misusing 911 and drug possession. 

She had been arrested in the past for violating the terms of a bond for a battery charge in the past. When I went looking for an image of her I saw about three different images of her. That is never a good sign. At the moment she is still looked up with no bond. You'd have to already be high to call cops because when you are calling them because you made an illegal drug transaction and got ripped off you just have to take that loss and hope for better luck next time. And why have an even more dangerous drug on you when waiting for the cops?! Its like drinking beer in the drivers seat while reporting that you were involved in a hit and run.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Rachel Dolezal Catfishes Reality

Here's a Black woman wearing a green shirt! This Rachel Dolezal story is everywhere and is entertaining as all hell. I know that this is a serious issue and whatnot, but, come on. This is the plot out of an 80's film. Soul Man to be exact. Yeah. Google that shit and you will laugh, be offended, share it with a friend, then forget you learned about it from me. Selfish bastard. 37 year old Rachel has been outed as a White woman that has been passing herself off as Black for about seven years. She released a statement saying she will make a statement. Yeah. That's a thing that folks do now.

She says she was born in a teepee in Montana and lived in South Africa where her parents hit her and her siblings using a whip used to chase baboons. “They were pretty similar to what was used as whips during slavery.” I just heard someone say “...the fuck?” She says she was raped. Also, an ex husband used to beat her and her son. No reports of any of this is anywhere to be found. She claimed one of her adopted brothers as her son.

While You Were Sleeping: Kalief Browder Suicide

Last week 23 year old Kalief Browder of New York committed suicide after mental issues caused by his time spent in solitary confinement. Honestly, I had never heard of this guy or his story. I'd heard some like it but not his in particular. When he was 16 years old he was arrested for allegedly stealing a backpack. He never stood trial and was never found guilty but he was sent to Rikers Island for three years. His family could not afford the $10,000 in bail (some say it was $3,000) so he stayed in prison for three years.

He was beaten by the police, other inmates and while there (which there was footage of) Browder spent over 400 days in solitary confinement. He tried to kill himself a few times while there.In 2014 Mayor Bill de Blasio used Browder's case as an example of the broken system and declared that they would clear backlogs in courts and reduce the amount of inmates. After being released Browder earned his GED and started going to community college but still had trouble living a normal life.

Kids These Days 56

Back when I was little fights would happen for close to no reason Well, no reason as an adult but as a child these were considered fighting words. As a grown up people will scream “Fuck you!” at other people while driving in their cars knowing full well they wouldn't do it if they were face to face with them at a grocery store. There was no internet when I was little so if you had something to say to someone you did it to their face or told that one friend that repeats everything you tell them even when they promised not to.

Ya Mama. Oh, shots fired! (loud Jamaican horns) Even if you didn't care for your mother all that much just having someone reply to a comment with those two words was enough to get a fight started. You would always keep this one loaded in the chamber during an argument with other kids. 

Often times if someone just kept talking shit you could just keep replying with “Ya mama” or “Yo mama.” No matter what they said, even if saying it made no sense, for some reason it would work. Sometimes too well because the next thing you know you're rolling on the ground with a kid that you know haven't bathed in days before being pulled apart by a teacher. I don't even think there is an adult translation of “Ya mama.” If you meet an adult that is angered by this phrase chances are they have spent time in jail or stopped making their own thoughts when they were about 10 years old. Bonus points if their mother wasn't around or if she had an afro with a chinstrap.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

What People Care About This Week: McKinney Pool Party Chaos

Last week video came out from a pool party in McKinney, Texas where a bunch of Black teens were being rounded up, handcuffed, and threatened with more force. There are a lot of people involved in this story which means that we'll never know the entire truth of it. If you have three teens you'll get five stories and once you involve police you just multiply that by two.

I watched the video and the first thing I thought was “This cop wants to fuck someone up!” When you see officer Eric Casebolt come barrel rolling into the shot you know from the start that he is not there to make peace. He's not there to calm everyone down and find out what's happening. He is excited that he gets to exert force. I'm a cop. You're not. Get wrecked. Well, turns out he got a little bit too turnt up and now he's resigned before the investigation into this while he was on leave was done.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Best of Black Prophet Volume 1

Years ago I was a part of one of the best internet based radio programs called Tha O Show with hosts Big Daddy Donnie and Dan-e-o. I was just a fan and one day got the chance to enter a contest to become a writer for the show sending in articles. I didn't win that but I got the chance to play an on air character, Tha Black Prophet: The Prophet of Rage.

Donnie gave me a call after sending in my article and he had an idea. Me being me I said I could do it even before I knew if I'd be able to or not. That's how my brain works. So we did the first take and I got no response. Turns out they needed silence for recording. Donnie had me do it again but said “Sound angrier.” It worked. The rest is history. Terribly offensive history.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Its About Comfort

There has been a lot of stuff in the news regarding the human body and its appeal and health. No, not the usual bullshit that I tire of hearing about like how everything we put in our body is toxic but was fine before articles began telling you it wasn't. Or how no one knows what the words organic or natural mean. Or what it truly means to have lactose or gluten allergies. This is about two separate people in the news for different reasons.

The first is plus sized model Tess Holliday also known as Tess Munster. She is 5 foot 5 and has the size of 49-49-52. That last bit of information means nothing to me because lady sizes are confusing to me. Please, don't waste your time explaining them to me because I'll forget moments later. She is known as a body-love activist and started the hashtag (pound sign!) #EffYourBeautyStandards. “I created the hashtag because I was tired of being told what I could and couldn't wear by the media and how I should cover my body because of my size. I decided 'eff that,' I will wear what I want!”

Some are saying that her weight is unhealthy. Other support her confidence and say she looks beautiful the way she is. Me, I say it comes down to comfort. If she was in a point in her life where her size made it so she couldn't do what she wanted to do it'd be an issue. 

“I understand not everyone understands what I'm about. But to me it's such a simple concept. It's all about loving your body regardless of your size and chasing your dreams.” she said. Most things in life aren't an issue until you make it one. As far as I know she stands there and has pictures taken of her body for money.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Dante Vs. Nature 52

Nature is a hot hooker with a police badge hidden in her purse. You can think you are safe from it and then the next thing you know you're being written about by some random ass Blacker halfway across the globe. This 22 year old American chick was killed by a female lion after having her window somewhat rolled down during a tour of a place called The Lion Park in Johannesburg, South Africa. The guy driving the car was hurt while trying to fight off the lion but he ain't dead.

Scott Simpson who is the assistant operations manager at the park said “We had a gentleman and a lady driving with the windows wide open. The lion came through the passenger side window and attacked her. The man sustained slight injuries trying to fight her off. Our staff working at the top of the camp tried to get the lion away from the car. Ambulances were called immediately but it was too late.” He then passed the back saying “We make it so clear. We put signage up everywhere that people must keep their windows closed. We hand them a slip of paper when they enter the park; I really don't understand why people think its OK to leave windows open.”

Teacher Suspended Over Facebook Rage

This high school teacher in Alabama went H.A.M on some students after a prank that they pulled. Me, I'm not a prankster. I like watching them depending on what they are but am fine never being a participant. Cindy Stephens is the teacher and band director at Sylvania High School where four recent grads decided to use a spreader to put chicken shit all over the road around the school. Cindy didn't appreciate that literal shit and went on Facebook to vent. Don't ever do that. I don't even know why teachers have Facebook these days because it always bites them in the ass. 

People in the community were upset at what she wrote. Me, not so much. I mean, what these former students did was stupid and what she did was stupid but I probably would've said worse about these kids. She has been suspended with pay while they pretend to not applaud her actions. Here is what she posted on her page.