Thursday, March 30, 2017

Hot Mama Arrested

Whether you want to believe it or not, when you are a certain level of attractive you can get away with certain things in life more often than someone who is not genetically gifted physically. It also helps if you are a middle aged White woman who can wear the fuck out of some tight jeans. Seriously. That is a thing for me. If a woman can wear some tight ass jeans that look like they were sewn around her I get my pants. You should probably stop reading now if that upset you because I'm like reverse wine in a lot of ways. And I like women with mom bodies. This is 38 year old mother Brooke Lajiness of Michigan. She went to court a couple weeks back because she is accused of having sex with a 14 year old boy between eight and fifteen times (who's counting?) and sending butt booty ass naked pictures to one another. This began in the summer of last year. Know what I was doing summer of last year? Working and not even close to getting 38 year old White lady ass, that's what. I like her even in court. Not sure I like that shirt and scarf ensemble though. But no make up or jewelry? Tell me more!

Fake Booty Doctor Sentenced

Holy shit. There are some people I look at and it startles me. Oneal Ron Morris startles the fuck out of me. I wasn't sure if this was a woman dressed like a dude or a dude trying to dress badly as a woman. Turns out she is transitioning to a man. So let us pretend that I am PC and just refer to Oneal as he for the rest of this post. Oneal is in trouble for giving people bootleg ass injections and killing one of them. I am pretty sure I talked about this person on a podcast or something because, honestly, who could forget a face like that? Back in 2011 Oneal injected a woman name Shatarka Nuby with Fix-a-Flat, mineral oil, cement, and bathroom caulking to have a larger ass and hips. Nuby wrote a letter from prison to the court (don't ask) but ended up dying as a result of this “surgery.” There aren't quotation marks large enough for this shit.

Oneal was charged with manslaughter back in 2012 and just a month ago pleaded no contest to charges. Oneal was given 10 years in prison and five years probation which doesn't seem all that bad for murder death killing someone by sticking Home Depot products into their body. Oneal used the products on himself as well. Herself. Shit. I may have it backwards and he is transitioning into a woman. I don't fucking know. Either way, the results speak for themselves. I mean...look. That looks 100% natural to me. 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Dante's Double Standard Corner 1

Hello. This is my first and possibly last installment of what I am calling Dante's Double Standard Corner. Every logical human should know that there are double standards in the world and in some cases choose to disregard the fact that some work in your favor depending on your race, sex, or country of origin. Black dudes are said to have big dicks. Women get into clubs free on certain nights and get free drinks because...women. And you never headbutt a Samoan because they feel no pain there. Source: wrestling. You still with me? Good. Or not depending on how far you make it. In this post I am going to talk about a teacher that slept with a student. I have written dozens o posts about this and depending on how hot the teacher is I'll express varying ranges of jealousy, envy, or desire to time travel.

This story involves 27 year old (meaning too young to be a high school teacher because she was, like, just there) Sarah Fowlkes. As you can see, she is cute. Not cute as fuck which is a term I've been overusing lately, but cute. She taught biology at Lockhart High in Texas since 2014. Reports say she is facing 20 years of convicted which made me laugh so hard I fainted, bumped my head, and forgot what love was. She turned herself in and took that chipper ass mugshot. Oh, and she was arrested just after her birthday. So...yeah. I hate when bad things happen on special days so every year she is gonna look forward to this personal disappointment.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Dante Vs. Nature 65

Sometimes I found out about an animal that use to exist and I go “Good. Now I can go to sleep.” An animal that I found about recently made me think this and it is known as an Entelodont or as its more widely known as a “hell pig” or “terminator pig.” Fuck this thing. I know I am getting mad at something that isn't real. Now you know how I feel when people curse the devil. 

This monster lived in North America, Asia, and Europe millions and millions ago so I'm pretty sure I'll sleep fine. It ate meat and plants and has been compared to vultures. So it would, like, stumble upon dead things and just start eating them. The big ass ones lived in Europe and North America and could get up to 6 foot 9 standing. Fuck every inch of that. It had a brain the size of an orange so I'm sure it was a completely docile creature. They, and by “they” I mean scientists that would probably recreate this monster if possible, say that this was closer related to whales and hippos than pigs. That don't even make sense. Are whales and hippos closely related? To the internets! Never mind. Its just some research papers with nerds arguing over DNA an' shit. I'll just stay happy that its gone. And next...mountain lions.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.

Friday, March 17, 2017

My Current Jam: Emayatzy Corinealdi

My Current Jam is Emayatzy Corinealdi. I don't know anything about her and didn't know that she existed until I watched her on the first season of Hand Of God. I saw her and thought “Holy crap, this woman is fine!” She is fine in that way that I miss from growing up. Like, when I was little someone would have that fine ass aunty (she'd only be like 25 but to me a grown ass woman) that I'd want. I would have laid my two inches on 'em in a second. I think I am complimenting this woman in a terribly roundabout way. What I'm saying she is hot in that approachable way that a lot of famous or celebrity type women are not. I think I could date a woman that looks like her even though I'd never attempt to say her name out loud.

Kids These Days 70

These are the kind of stories that just piss me off. Not at the kids involved so much as the parents of these kids. A 13 year old girl in some part of Scotland that sounds like the type of place you'd make up to sound Scottish got wrecked because she drank too many energy drinks. Her name is Caitlin Fraser and she loved to pound down two Emerge energy drinks a day at school because school is hard and you have to be sure that you are awake and case a shooter shows up. I know how kids are these days.

She left class to go do something for her teacher and she says she started to feel numb on the right side of her face. A few minutes later she says her hands started going blue and the right side of her body did the Truffle Shuffle and stopped working. “The right side of my face dropped and I was wondering what was going on then two minutes later my full right side had dropped and I had no sensation down my right side. I was really scared, my friends then told the teacher who went and got a first aider and the school contacted my mum and dad and then phoned an ambulance.”

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Just Talking With Dante Episode 20

In this episode I talk about dealing with punk ass gnats, a drunk ass substitute teacher, how hot Dawn Wells is, shouting out my window at drunk people, and how a raccoon now has emotional problems. Click here for this and previous episodes.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

My Current Jam: Solo Darling

I had this blog set up and ready to do about this wrestler named Solo Darling. She is what I call “cute as fuck.” I had her Wikipedia page bookmarked and I shit you not it was deleted. Not just deleted, but people hate this chick. Like...hate her. I went to another site that shows stats about her and her career and dudes have this ugliness towards her and I am sure I know where it comes from. It comes from that place every man, and possibly women, have where you like someone that looks attainable but you know they don't want you so you get mad and talk shit about them. Everything they say about her starts with her looks and then trickles down to her skills.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Just Talking With Dante Episode 19

Jasmine is back! In this episode we talk about new Thai food, Chuck E. Cheese, me wanting kids to get post-mad about Happy Meals, a man in Japan being crushed by stacks of porn magazines...possibly, Jasmine wonders about dangerous taste testers, I wonder why so many dangerous things in the wild look like berries, a trans-gendered high school wrestler, Beyonce, festivals, the Oscars, and Jasmine discusses her sadness at ICDC still being gone. Click here for previous episodes.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Dante Vs. Nature 64

Stargazer Fish

You see this thing? Fuck this thing. This is a Stargazer Fish. I never knew this thing existed until today and I could've lived the rest of my life not knowing that this thing lived in the sea. The ocean is already this place where everything that the bible describes will show up when the Rapture arrives lives. Just imagine going deep sea diving and everything is going well. You and your foolish spouse decide that it is a good idea to put oxygen tanks on your backs and go searching for...stuff. I don't know what people do underwater except pray. You look down and this goddamn thing is staring up at you. How quickly would your ass go flying up back to the surface? Too fast. Next thing you know you got the bends. You don't even wanna know what that shit is.