Friday, December 30, 2016

The Seven Men Women Shouldn't Date

I feel that I need to preface this by saying that I am not an expert at anything except complaining. I can complain about any subject you give me. I have written posts like The Seven Women Nerds Will Date, The Seven Men Female Nerds Will Date, and The Seven People You Find On Valentine's Day. This time I will cover The Seven Men Women Shouldn't Date. Now you may know someone that is like the type of guys I am describing or you may be one yourself. Either way, this isn't about you...right? I'm just some random ass dude just talking shit and you shouldn't take any of this personally. You shouldn't but you will because that's how people are these days.

“What makes you such an expert on who people should or shouldn't date, you asshole?” someone just asked aloud which is weird because this is on a screen and won't respond to you. I'm not an expert on any one thing. Rather I'm like Batman. He is great because he is good at a lot of different things. It gives you a pretty good all around concept of how things and people work. And as always there are exceptions to rules. I hate that I even have to say that, you babies. This is the part where instead of reading you scroll through quickly to see if you or anyone you know made the list. 

Monday, December 19, 2016

Just Talking With Dante Episode 15

In this episode Jasmine is back from the jungle! We talk about going on a Fat Tour of food, my dislike of people singing, Jasmine's adventures in Costa Rica, Dante's displeasure of hot rain, fear of heights, Dante once again explains how he could land a plane, and Dante has Jasmine explains TSA. Click here for this and previous episodes.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Landlord Gets Schwifty In Tenants Apartment

This Colorado landlord named Carlos Quijada just may be one of the nastiest ass people to ever nasty. He is being charged with criminal trespassing and misdemeanor obscenity after he was recorded having sex in one of his tenants places. The couple that lives there, Logan Pierce and Mikaela DiGiulio, were obviously not there at the time that he decided to use their bed as his filthy fuck pallet. The couple has a security system set up from a company called Nest that had the motion sensor triggered and notified Logan by phone. When he later checked the camera feeds he was treated to some straight up gay porn in the form of Carlos and another man having oral and butt sex in the span of six minutes. But it gets worse. I have no problem with gay sex. Do who ya like (insert Humpty Hump horns) but please not on someone elses bed. That shit is just foul. But it gets worse.

Carlos man-friend grabbed a dress from the laundry pile to wipe his dick clean while Carlos grabbed another item of clothing to clean up the lube stain left on the bed. Such class. Much consideration. Oh, by the way, the dress used to clean up was worn by the wife in their wedding ceremony earlier this year. There is not enough Clorox in the world to get that bed clean! I would have to contact a goddamn witch doctor to sleep comfortably in that place ever again. Having the sex in a tenants bed is terrible. But cleaning yourself off on their clothes? Come on, now. 

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

My Current Jam: Rose Bertram

I was trolling TMZ a few days ago and they had this image of these models together on the beach just sitting there being models and doing what models do like make women feel bad about themselves because they don't weight 90 pounds and can barely get a free refill on their Pepsi based on the way they are built let alone get sent around the world just so people can take pictures of them because of their structure. I'm not normally even into models unless they look bizarre. But when I saw this pack of models the one all the way to the right grabbed my eyes. And by eyes I mean penis.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Just Talking With Dante Episode 14

I am back with my cousin Jasmine! Yay! We talk about delicious donuts from ICDC, some bus tales, a woman that disfigured a man's penis parts, very tiny wangs and how to deal with them nicely, paying for sex with food, holiday shopping, dressing for the first day of school, and being presentable when leaving the house. Click here for previous episodes.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Dante Vs. Nature 63

I saw this story and laughed my ass off. I thought it was fake but triple checked and this shit is way true and proof that nature is a bitch with a bad sense of humor. This Chicago alderman named Howard Brookins Jr. has been very vocal about the squirrels in the city ruining the garbage cans and costing the city money but damaging the trash lids. One of the squirrels wasn't having that shit anymore and decided to take one for the team by launching its crazy little ass into his bike spokes while he was riding. I'm not kidding. Its in that picture all up in the spokes.

Brookins ended up with a broken nose, knocked out teeth, and fractured skull after he ended up flipping over the handlebars. I've done that shit before but I was a little kid. Not a grown ass man. And certainly not attacked by a woodland creature. Someone called 911 for him likely after calming down from laughing. “I can think of no other reason for this squirrel's actions than that it was like a suicide bomber, getting revenge.” I would say he sounded like a lying liar who lies but there is too much evidence that this squirrel was out for blood.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.