Sunday, February 28, 2010

I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!

I laugh at a lot of inappropriate stuff. Sometimes its fart humor, lots of times it is people falling and getting hurt. This is what I use the internet for most times. But recently I have been watching this damned video made by the guys at My Way Entertainment called “Juggernaut Bitch!”

“Juggernaut Bitch!” uses clips from the animated X-Men cartoon featuring clips featuring, uh, Juggernaut. This is a Juggernaut like you’ve never seen before though. He curses. A lot. He threatens to rape people, cars, and even buildings. When I first saw these I laughed so hard I got sick. The guy that does the voice makes Marko Cain (Juggernaut’s real name) sound like an angry ex convict. Here are some of my favorite quotes.

“Oh, motherfuckin' yeah, I'm back, bitch, it's the Juggernaut, yeah, somebody gonna' get fucked in they ass, I'm gonna' fuck a car! Yeah, I love fucking Volkswagen. I gotta find one, V-Dub, baby.”

“Shut up Bitch, you know who it is, it's the Juggernaut, bitch, oh yeah, I am back! Let the rape party begin! The Juggernaut just got off house arrest and I just fucked She-Hulk and fucked around and caught athletes foot, but it's cool cause I fucked her in the ear and gave her hearing AIDS cause I'm the Juggernaut bitch!”

“Charles, you know damn well the last time I went to Juggrassic Park to get that haircut by a velociraptor I left with a tattoo on my nuts, a prince albert, and I had some graphic on my asshairs and I got new tattoo on my chest that say ‘Long Dick Willie’.”

“I’m the Juggernaut. I’m ready to fuck, I been ready to suits so tight."

“Comb yo beard, I don’t wanna hear that shit.”

“You cannot harm me. Are you a fucking ass?”

"Pimp smack your ass're my hooker now! Now it's time for me to take my prize. I'm fittin’ to rape you bitch! You ready...You ready bitch."

“I’ma kill him I’ma rape him I’ma eat his fucking costume!”

This got so popular that in “X-Men: the Last Stand” Vinnie Jones who played Juggernaut in the film uses the line “Don’t know you who I am? I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!” These guys also have more videos that make fun of old cartoons and even The Power Rangers. I watch this video when I wanna laugh because its pretty much guaranteed that I will crack up laughing.

“I’m about to fuck her in the ear and blow her brains out!”

Friday, February 26, 2010

Rosscast Episode 135: A Tale Of No Vagina

In this episode I talk about African chicks having babies when they have no vagina, crazy ass people on the bus, PETA using Tiger Woods in their ads, strange plays at UCLA with my best friend, The Hurt Locker being needy, being anti-love, and funny ass Old Spice commercials. Click here to download the show or click here to download the show and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Rosscast Episode 134: I'm Dante, Bitch!!!

In this episode I talk about how shitty AT&T is with their customer service, space junk, killer whales attacking trainers at Sea World and why it isn't shocking at all, when not to apologize, Dr. Oz being a fear monger, why plaid skirts are hot, offensive skaters, and the dangers of Chat Roulette. Click here to download the show and click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

"Doom Mates" Episode 31: "Caution"

Rosscast Episode 133: And So The Conversation Turned

In this episode I talk about people getting lost while hiking too often, Tiger Woods' long ass apology to the planet Earth, Yahoo relationships and the seven types of breakups, why not to go down on hookers and strippers, free massages and why I dont get massages, living together before getting married, and The Hurt Locker being the Seinfeld of military films. Tell a friend if you like the show. Click here to download this episode and click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Rosscast Episode 132: What Did The Five Fingers Say...?

In this all over the place ass episode I talk about Adam Lambert telling folks to stay off the cell phones, why you should never slap a grown ass man, Jersey Shore folks not being Italian, PETA threatening to kill figure skaters, Tiger Woods apologizing for getting caught, spectator slowdown, and why I don't wanna die doing what I love. Click here to download the show. Click here to subscribe through iTunes. And click here to follow my nonsense on twitter. Enjoy!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Rosscast Episode 131: The Ross Identity

In this episode I talk about Kevin Smith being too fat to fly on a plane, Jay-Z not liking the new version of "We Are The World", how I spent my weekend and Valentine's Day, The Bourne Identity movies inspiring me to punch people in the joints, and why I can't use a time machine. Click here to download this episode or click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Funny Broads

I know I have said countless times that I don’t find many women all that funny. Yeah, pretty sexist, huh? Growing up I watched stand up all the damn time and each time a chick came out I just stared at the screen and waited for her to leave. I have plenty of chicks I talk to in my personal life that make me crack up thankfully. Over time the jokes have evolved from “So how about that husband of mine?" to a more broad (no pun intended) form of comedy that I can enjoy. That’s good. But, yeah. This list is about chicks that happen to be funny and hot.
Kristen Wiig is the last funny chick on SNL. Everyone else has gone off to make movies and TV shows I don’t watch. The first time I actually found her cute was during her scenes as an asshole in Knocked Up. She has me dying as Target Lady, the nervous lady during the Weekend Update segments, and the hot but disgusting lady with the cutesy laugh.
Aisha Tyler has been hot for way too long. I actually overlook how funny she is just because I find her so attractive and that’s not right. I first saw her on the E! channel when she used to host The Soup and I wanted to get her pregnant. This chick is way hot. I also love that she doesn’t just do “Black” jokes but tells jokes that are funny for everyone.
Amy Poehler at one point and for quite a while the funniest woman on SNL. Yeah, she keeps popping out children and her husband has a strange ass voice but I still like her. She makes me crack up. I cant hear the name Rick without going (in my head of course) “Rick! Rick! Rick!!!” Bonus points for whoever gets that reference. And after Tina Fey bimmed she took over for Weekend Update and made it way funnier.
Tina Fey got an assload of attention for looking like Sarah Palin but she is way hotter to me. I remember when she first showed up on SNL I was like “Shit, she is cute…” in my oh, so sexy voice. I really wish she hadn’t left because she kinda started this mass exodus from the show and the hotness left with her.

Anyone disagree with my list? Or can you explain why I find professional female comedians not very funny?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

"Doom Mates" Episode 29: "Good Loving Gone Bad"

Rosscast Episode 130: "Virgin Ears My Ass..."

In this special episode I am joined by fellow Tha O Show writer Brian where we discuss wrestling, marijuana laws, Black people talking like Macho Man, Jim Ross and John Madden sex, gay marriage, other cultures, parenting, religion, Skype and it acting up, chest hair equaling "bad guy", Wal-Mart, passports, my Awesome Kong obsession, my lack of geographical knowledge, "The Hangover" and how I don't like it, nasty internet shit (2 Girls 1 Cup), Death By Horsecock, The Price Is Right, whaling ships, fellow writer's, gay things that should not be said before dying, and more randomness than I can possibly write here! Remember to click here to download the show or click here to subscribe to my show through your iTunes. Enjoy!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Rosscast Episode 129: That Dude

In this episode I talk about talking sex dolls, being "That Dude" and the good and bad that goes with it, I answer a listener questions regarding dating 20 year old chicks, women wearing too much perfume, and whether or not I scare people away by talking too much. Click here to download the show or click here to subscribe through iTunes. Also click here to follow me in twitter. Enjoy!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Rosscast Episode 128: Working Man!

In this episode I talk about being employed, crappy digital television, listener questions, eating healthy and how its a joke, Michael Jackson's crazy ass doctor, bad jokers, soda being bad for you, and crazy ass weather. Click here to download the show or click here to subscribe through iTunes. And click here to follow me on twitter. Enjoy!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Rosscast Episode 127: The Friendshipness Is Overwhelming!

I welcome back my best friend on the fucking planet Camille for this episode of The Rosscast where we talk about humans using 10% of our brains, dating sites not working, music, technology making us dumber, jogging with a record player, evolutoon of humanity, the terms "hang up the phone" and "B-Sides" confusing the youth, how we met, what we'd take on an island, and gay pyramids. This is a long episode. We sing techno at the end for no reason. Click here to download this episode the old way or click here to download and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Rosscast Episode 126: Stop Hitting Yourself!

In this episode I talk about acrobats almost dying dancing for Hunky Santa at The Beverly Center, double standards women need to understand and stop doing, Brittany Murphy's creepy looking husband, listener questions, and Haitian kids being kidnapped. Click here to download the old way or click here and be awesome by subscribing through iTunes. Enjoy!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"Doom Mates" Episode 27: "Unlikely Friends"

Rosscast Episode 125: Buck And A Quarter

In this episode of The Rosscast I talk about Michael Jackson's doctor getting a slap on the wrist for murder, Obama pissing off Las Vegas, delivery food being expensive, pissy donut shop employees, gays in the military, having your dick glued to your body, giant squids, having the right to complain, and porn industry condom crackdowns. Remember to visit my site at to watch my movies and read my blogs. Click here to download the old way and click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

"The Hammer"

So I finally sat my ass down and watched “The Hammer”, a film written by Adam Carolla. This is a great film. I remember hearing Adam when he was on the regular ass radio (97.1 KLSX which became FreeFM which became a piece of shit top 40 station that I refuse to listen to). I hoped this movie would be good and it was past good.

It was great.

The movie stars Adam as Jerry Ferro, a carpenter that has just turned 40. He loses his job, his woman, and most of his dignity within one day. He also works as a boxing trainer at a gym. He decides to try out for the Olympic boxing team when a promoter says he still has what it takes after knocking down a rising boxing superstar during a sparring session.

The movie also co-stars Oswaldo Castillo who you may know as Ozzie from Adam’s radio show. The two of them together are too damn funny. As the love interest (I hate that term) Heather Juergensen as Lindsay, a student at the gym who Jerry asks on a date. The trip to the La Brea Tar Pits is full of funny jokes that had me cracking up laughing.

I don’t want to ruin the rest of the movie for those who haven’t seen it and are slow asses like me. Trust me, there hasn’t been a movie like this made since the 80’s when they made films you still quote and remember to this day. It makes you wanna enjoy life and good friends and that no matter how old you are there’s always a chance to be great.

For those of you that don’t know, a one point while I was working at the porn shop I appeared on Adam’s radio show. Just click here to read my old article about working there and being on his show which turned out to be a very fun thing and made me somewhat popular amongst Adam’s gay fans that listened to the show. More than you’d suspect.

So see “The Hammer and let me know what you think. I know you’ll love it.