Thursday, January 26, 2017


That is a totally new word now. Another day another teacher sleeping with a student. Now, in most of these cases its a female teacher with some kid that is living most young boys dreams. This time I actually feel kinda bad for the teacher. I know that is a silly thought but hear me out. This all took place in Texas at Raul Quintanilla Sr. Middle School where Thao “Sandy” Doan was the PE teacher. 

Of course she was the PE teacher. There is something about PE teachers and things just being off about them. You just kinda wait until they do something terrible. I know someone reading this is a PE teacher and getting mad...and sweating because they know I am not lying. You can admit it. You strange. Anyhoot, she and a 14 year old boy have been messing around for the past year and a half. She talked to him online and eventually had sex in a park in 2015. Ew. They then had sex a few more times late last year. 

I guess shit went sour at some point because the boy, who is now 15, started extorting Doan for money texting her things like “watch ima start getting the pics and everything show the cops right I anit playing.” Thank god she wasn't his spelling teacher because goddamn that grammar. Turns out he had gotten about $28,000 from her! She was arrested last week and posted bond and of course is on administrative leave. Every time I see some honked up story I wanna know how these kinda kids are made. Like, what super secret recipe of bullshit is required for a child to turn into this.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Just Talking With Dante Episode 17

In this episode I talk about the rain, space station footage, I encourage people to chill out on having kids for a while, the Delve In show, bad float tank experience, people filming everything, gorilla and Skynet, and the smell of lavender. Click here for previous episodes.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Float Lab Westwood

So Wednesday I went to the Float Lab location in Westwood. I had been to the one in Venice twice (click here to read about that) and loved it. The first time I went alone and the second time I went with a friend. I had been planning on going back for the longest time and just kept not doing it. So after some mental back and forth I decided to go to the Westwood one. I shouldn't have. Full disclosure: I put a lot of pressure on myself before going and did not have the proper mindset.

On the way there the bus driver let this obviously crazy guy on and he and another crazy guy got into a discussion about god which crazy people like to do. I got there early and walked around Westwood and was reminded of why I don't like going to Westwood. As I waited in front of the location I saw street construction happening. I hoped that I wouldn't be able to hear or feel it while in the tank. I head inside and me and some other guy are in the waiting room. The place looks nice. Very clinical but dark. Very different vibe from the Venice location which I prefer.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Kids These Days 69

Sometimes there are stories that I find out about and it just makes me want to interview the perpetrator or the parents of them and just ask “How come? What can I do to make sure none of my friends kids turn out like you?” I also think there are some crimes where instead of jail I suggest an island where they are given backpacks with various weapons and they fight for survival. A “battle royale” if you will. Either way, this 17 year old girl Lestina Marie Smith is a great candidate for my island idea. She is charged with raping a man. You hear that? It was the sound of thousands of men and women rolling their eyes. Yes, it makes a sound.

So Lestina—by the way. Watch what the hell you name your kids. Anyhoot, Lestina, from Michigan, raped a guy 19 year old guy at knife point. At knife point she made him give her oral sex and regular sex. She has been charged with two first degree felony criminal sexual assault charges. If she is convicted, which she should be, she can get life in prison. Even if she gets off on one charge she can still do life. Of course ignorant ass people are questioning whether or not a man can be raped. Let me just grab some random comments from people on Facebook and the dumb shit they are saying.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

No Jacking In Jacksonville

I am a man of loose morality. I have openly said that if you can't get any ass from your spouse that you should get it somewhere else and in the same breath proclaimed that people that spit in the streets should be shot on sight. I sometimes ask myself “Who does it hurt?” like in this case where a 70 year old lady was arrest at a massage parlor for wanting to jerk an undercover cop off. Her name is Sun Hee Nmn. I'll just call her Sunny for the rest of this. 

Sunny gave this cop a $70 massage which seems like a lot of money and as if I should be charging some women back pay in my personal life. When finished she asked if he would like to have an even better day for $60 more. Little did she know that he was a park of Jacksonville's let's stop adults from making each other feel better sting and she was arrested for prostitution and being an unlicensed massage therapist. Like you need a license to rub somebody.

The name of the parlor, Jax Therapy which I am not making up, had been under investigation for prostitution. Sunny was released after posting $4,000 bond and really that is all that matters. No one gives a fuck if two adults are making each other come. Well, one adult making the other come. Sounds like a marriage to me. If one or both of them were teens or kids, sure, jail time for someone. But if I could walk into a place and get a rub and tug for about a hundred dollars I would consider this the greatest country in the world. Many comedians have put it this way but let me try to explain to you how silly this all sounds.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Johnny Panic: Street Walkin' Cheetah Part 2 of 3

After drying Milly off by just flying in circles quickly which she loves I decide that we should head over to L.A and visit my mom. Hopefully my brothers aren't there. Yeah, I know I barely ever talk about them and its for a reason. Not just because they are boring, jealous, haters. I mean, that would be as good a reason as any but its mostly because they are haters that are jealous and boring. They haven't even met Milly yet which is ridiculous. Its not like they don't know the worlds only superhero had a kid. They are just dicks. My mom tries every few months to get us all together but it never works out well. Its fine with me either way. My life is awesome.

I come in high and fast to avoid any attention which is proof that I am becoming more mature no matter what Ronica says. I land, remove a loose piece of seaweed from Milly's shoe, and head inside. I have a key. “Mama love!” I shout. Milly laughs. My mom comes out of the kitchen and rushes Milly. She picks her up and hugs her. Milly starts to float lifting them both off the ground. “I missed you too, mommy.”

“Oh, stop being jealous” she tells me. “Look at her! She is so cute! Why does she smell like Venice Beach?”

“Its actually Poipu...”

“Either way she needs to be washed” she says and heads to the kitchen with Milly. Yeah, they are both still floating off the ground but my mom somehow knows how to guide Milly to where she needs her to go. She starts filling up the sink with water. “You cant have your baby running around smelling like wet hobo.”

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Just Talking With Dante Episode 16

In this episode I talk about New Years resolutions, complain about street sweepers, Contrave medication and how terrifying it sounds, and read some Missed Connections from Craigslist. Click here for previous episodes.