Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Hiking At Murphy's Ranch

Koko and I went to this place called Murphy's Ranch over at Rustic Canyon. I had never heard of this magically strange place that is about 40 minutes from my front door. We headed down Sunset Blvd. and ended up turning onto Capri and parking in the residential area. We started up a paved road, passed a guy on a bike that told us things star a half hour away, and we were off.

While we hiked we kept on wondering how in the hell all this stuff got into this area. I mean, I have lived in this area for almost 20 years and never heard of this place and have passed it plenty of times not knowing that scenes that could be in Lord of the Rings was so close. There are areas where the trails are kinda hidden and hard to see if you aren't paying attention and others that are stairs. Good lord, the stairs. I'll get to those soon enough. Here is some half-assed history of this Murphy Ranch that I found online and none of it seems 100% agreed upon.

Friday, May 27, 2016

The Latest Hot Mugshot

There is yet another new hot mugshot going around. This is 24 year old Arkansas resident Sarah Seawright that has been arrested for a variety of things. She was arrested last month for failure to appear in court for driving carelessly and without insurance back in 2014. People, including her now, have been using #prisonbae and #jailhousebae online to describe her. 

This is not a new thing. There was that green eyed guy that women went nuts over (click here for that) and this hot chick after him (click here for that). As for Seawright she was arrested back in 2012 for kidnapping, first degree battery, hindering prosecution, tampering with physical evidence, and aggravated robbery. She and another guy, LeDarius Laron Scales, that she had hiding in the car robbed someone.

That all being said...she is cute as fuck. I wouldn't mess with her not just because of her past criminal history or because this chick would have zero interest with me. But because she looks like too much work. That is generally my view of chicks that are cute as fuck. I imagine never seeing them without makeup on or something. I'm being a silly person. I have had one girlfriend that was cute as fuck and saw her without makeup but it took a while to get there. And she did look like a different person. And this chick is in her 20's which is a realm that I don't dwell in. In closing, yeah. Cute as fuck. The guy version of girls bad boy. Men will be lining up to get her pregnant.  

Dante Vs. Nature 62

I don't want to really travel. I live in a great state where I can experience any new form of weather by heading in a direction for an hour. I also know what to expect from animals. The tend to stay where they should. Yeah, once in a while a mountain lion will snatch a pet up or a bear will stroll through Sylmar, but for the most part they know their place. But not in Bangkok. This 38 year old guy named Attaporn Boonmakchuay was using a squat toilet (another reason why I won't travel) when suddenly his dick was attacked. No, not by an overly excited wife or a jealous girlfriend. But by a 10 foot goddamn python!

He says that he fought to remove the python from his dick for thirty minutes with the help of his wife and a neighbor. I don't even have a friend that I am close enough to where I'd help do this. Let me be specific. A male friend. I'd yank a snake off a female friends vajayjay in the hopes of putting another one in. Yeah. I'm single. His wife eventually tied a rope around the python while Attaporn (whose name sounds like what I say when I finish watching a good clip on Pornhub) pried the jaws from his dick and promptly passed right the fuck out.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Kids These Days 66

My cousin had told me this story about a 15 year old girl at a Florida school, South Fort Myers High School, and how she had slept with 25 boys in the school bathroom. My response was that I knew girls like that in junior high and I was always told of these sordid tales after it happened and thus stayed un-laid in school. It was reported that a lot of football players from the school had been recorded on the school security system going into the bathroom. As one student put it “A bunch of football players went into a room with a girl and had sex with her, and a bunch of the football players were suspended. So we might not have a football team this year.” Priorities, right? This all occurred after school was done yet many are questioning why there was not any school officials present. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

While You Were Sleeping: Symone Marshall Arrest And Death

I heard about this story last week and have been waiting for more details to emerge before writing about it. That is what I do sometimes. I pretend that I am an actual writer and wait for results and more information before slapping on a social justice warrior hat and protesting wrong doings. This is about a 22 year old mother that died while in police custody. She happens to be Black which made people immediately think of Sandra Bland before getting any more details about it. “Don't need details. They're both Black!” I need details. I'm that guy which is why my hair used to fall out from stress. There is always more in my way of thinking.

Symone Marshall moved to Texas from Detroit a few months ago. She and a friend, Amanda Arnold, got into an accident saying they were run off the road causing their car to flip three times. Police arrived and they found cocaine in the vehicle and say that Marshall gave them a fake name. They both refused medical attention and showed no obvious signs of being injured. They were both arrested for the drug charge with Marshall having false identification added. Amanda was released the next day after posting bond but Marshall couldn't post the $5,000. Two weeks later she had a seizure in her cell. This is all on video unlike the Bland case. She was pronounced dead later at a hospital.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Dante Vs. Nature 61

Two lions at a zoo in Chile had to be killed because some assclown decided to jump into the lion pit with some and fuck with them. I am not a fan of nature and all the magical ways it can fuck with me so I try to stay away from it. This guy, 20 year old Franco Luis Ferrada, was allegedly suicidal (due to a possible note he left) and jumped into the lions enclosure. From there he started poking fun at the lions which are not fans of that kinda thing. Did I mention that he was butt booty ass naked? Yeah. He was. That is like taking me to a farm and the pigs are covered in bacon. The lions started attacking Franco because that and fucking is what lions do.

Zoo officials shot tranquilizer darts and ended up hitting dude in the neck. The also tried to wet the lions and that didn't work. Franco was being chewed up so they ended up having to shoot and kill the lions. The zoo director said Alejandra Montalva said “When a person's life is at risk, you have to sacrifice the animals. The shooter decided to save the life of the person and unfortunately we had to sacrifice two members of our family.” Nah. I say in this case or future ones, which there will be, you let the lions handle it. Franco is in critical condition and there are people upset at the zoo for killing the lions. I think it is stupid to make zoos. I think it is stupid to be set up to where idiots can climb into where lions are. Everyone is a loser except the dead lions that got to be natural for a few moments.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.  

Friday, May 20, 2016

Kids These Days 65

This shit is getting out of control. I know that everyone wants kids safe but we've now reached a point where safety has not only overwritten letting kids be kids, its gone past letting them even have fun. At Southeast Elementary in Brighton, Colorado and kindergartener was suspended for bringing a bubble gun to school. I somehow made it through multiple fights, being a nuisance, and arguing hitting a kid in the head with a metal canister without being suspended. But this kid now has that going for her because she brought a goddamn bubble gun to school! I doubt it was as fancy as the one I have pictured. 

In an interview the child's mother said “I apologized right away and said that I am so sorry she did that. I appreciate that they're trying to keep our kids safe, I really do. But there needs to be some common sense. It blows bubbles.” She said she didn't know that her daughter brought the toy to school. I remember a kid brought a snake to school unannounced. It was awesome. The school released a statement saying:

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Dante Bitches About 12 Things That All Women Hate About Guys

There is this bullshit article on Cosmo that I found because I am done writing my blogs for the day and felt like being bothered so I went there. There was one called 12 Things That All Women Hate About Guys and I am hoping it was written by a 16 year old girl whose longest relationship was three weeks and not a grown ass woman. Just checked the writers bio. She is a woman that is the sex and relationships editor on their site which explains so much.

I was going to write a 12 Things That All Men Hate About Chicks but that wouldn't make any sense. It would make less sense than what will follow this paragraph. I don't represent all men or even a small percentage of them. I am a freak. Not the bragging kind like “Oh, I am so different than any other man you have met” but more like a “Oh, god, I am so different than any other man you have met please help me because if you treat me like any other man you've met chances are this won't last long!” Ask me again why I'm single. Ask me!!!

Monday, May 16, 2016

Dennis Wright Arrested For Hit And Run Death

Drunk driving is something that I personally can't stand. I am sure that some of you reading this has done it in the past or may do it in the future. And you can go straight to hell for doing it. Some think its cute like “Oh, my god. I drove home so drunk one time. Thank god I wasn't pulled over!” A few weeks ago an MMA fighter named Jordan Parsons was struck and killed by someone as he crossed the street. There were no witnesses to this but the driver never slowed down after hitting him. He was in a hospital in critical condition before finally dying from his injuries. He was just 25 years old.

Recently the man responsible for the hit and run was found and arrested. He is 28 year old Dennis Wright of Boca Raton. He has had his license suspended multiple times and it was currently suspended when he struck and killed Parsons. He has been arrested for DUI, six suspensions, disorderly conduct, and marijuana possession, and failure to appear in court. In this current situation is he being charged with among other things leaving the scene of a crash and tampering with evidence. It is being reported that the Range Rover driven by Wright was being followed by a friend in a Mercedes which also did not stop traveling up to 120 mph.

While You Were Sleeping: Trinity Carr Charged With Homicide

A few weeks back I wrote about the 16 year old student, Amy Joyner-Francis (click here for that), that was beaten to death in a school bathroom at Howard High School of Technology in Delaware while it was watched and recorded by other students. Now three female students have been charged with her death. Trinity Carr, also 16 has been charged with criminally negligent homicide while Zion Snow and Chakeira Wright have been charged with third-degree criminal conspiracy.

The attorney general Matt Denn has said that he plans to have Trinity charged as an adult which I totally agree with. The Department of Justice stated “The individuals responsible for Amy Joyner-Francis's death are minors, but they must be held accountable for their actions. DOJ's goal in making a charging decision was to ensure that those persons responsible for Amy's death are held responsible to the maximum degree permissible by Delaware law.”

Amy's caused of death has been listed as “sudden cardiac death due to large atrial septal defect” which is a hole in the wall that separates the two chambers of the heart as well as saying that a factor that contributed was “physical and emotional stress due to physical assault.” It is being said that the actual assault did not kill her, but her preexisting heart condition did but that if she was not assaulted she would not have died. This is another reason why you don't go around attacking people.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Five Things I Learned Using OkCupid

Earlier this year I decided to go on OkCupid. You all know what that is. Its the dating site you use when you're too cheap to pay for Match.com and don't want to just fuck random people using Tinder or one of those hundred other fuck apps that are out there. I tried it after striking out in the love department. I started writing out my profile and answering hundreds of questions and came to the conclusion that online dating is so not for me. If you saw the women that they thought matched well with me based on percentages you'd laugh in my stupid, single face.

In this Five Things I Learned Using OkCupid I'll talk about what I...learned. I guess. I pretty much learned things like I am extremely judgmental quickly based on photos and that the internet thinks that women with nose piercings surrounded by cats are exactly what I want in my life. I also forget I have an account until I check my spam and get a laugh out of the whole thing or see how strange of a profile picture I can make and still have people visit me.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 5

In this episode Jasmine joins me once again. We talk Star Wars, censorship as a child, my desire for an albino child with a tail and Jasmine tries to talk me out of it, Dante's story of meeting a lobster handed man while selling porn, Jasmine loses her mind, funny sex toys, Usher's dick pic, celebrity sex tapes, 50 Cent making fun of an autistic guy, Prince's deadbeat family, how to dispose of my body when I die, and leaving a will especially if Dante is your kid. Click here for this and previous episodes.