Wednesday, October 31, 2012

My Childhood Halloween Costume

When I was little Halloween was one of those holidays that was more exciting in thought than execution. Like butt sex. I would beg for a costume and most times get nothing but some fangs and blood capsules that I was afraid to use because I just knew I'd be that dumb kid that swallowed them. Honestly, the only costume I can even think of was this Skeletor one that I got. Took me forever to find an image of one since I figured everyone who ever wore it still lives with the embarrassment of it.

Fear me!

When my mother brought this home I screamed like a little girl. The costume consisted of a mask that was held on to my face with a thin rubberband that broke within minutes of being used. I walked around with one hand holding on to the mask. The outfit was one of those old fashioned plastic ones that I'm pretty sure is no longer made due to fire hazards. As cheap as it looks in hindsight I felt pretty badass when I wore it.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Be Creative Not A Hooker

I've written before how Halloween is just an excuse for girls to dress slutty. It bothers me. I'm not even exactly sure why. For some reason around this time of year I get this strange ass Puritan state of mind and would love to see women dress as something cool, original, or creative instead of just saying “Here are my tits and ass with paint on them!” and thinking they should get style points for the year. No. It doesn't work that way. The Munky wrote an excellent blog (read it by clicking here) pointing out the nonsense involved with costumes and how women wear them. She's way more hardcore than me when it comes to this.

One of the things that bothers me most about chicks costumes is that it has to be “Sexy Insert Something That Should Not Be Sexy.” Yeah, we get it. Sexy Nurse. Sexy Ghost. Sexy Maid. Whatever. We've seen it a thousand times and its seriously old. Save those get-ups for sex. Halloween is about being creative and/or scary as shit. Don't do what these people don't do. By the way, I'm not even kind of complaining about that chick above. She's too damned hot.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Rosscast Episode 263: Listener Question Time!

In this completely Listener Question based episode I answer questions about wrestling, Snoop Dogg, why I’m ugly, and Warner Bros. making people get tattoos removed. Click here for this and past Rosscast Shows.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Dante's Beat Up Ass Ceiling

For the past week I’ve been bitching about my raggedy ass ceiling. Monday morning I woke up and went to get a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch because I’m a grown ass man and can eat whatever the fuck I want. I look at the ceiling and it was closer to me than it was the previous night. “That’s not good…” I said aloud and called the owner’s sister who kinda sorta has something to do with getting shit fixed. It had a crack in it for years and I never got it repaired because whenever they “fix” something in my place they make something else worse.

I was talking to a friend when I heard a crack and slam which is also what I call it when I have sex. I called my building people again and told them that shit was getting real and I didn’t want to come home from work with an extra apartment in my kitchen. She huffed and puffed like I was calling about a leaking faucet. She said someone would come to check it out. The next day the building manager looked at it, made some sounds, and said someone would be coming Wednesday. What the fuck?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Disney's Not Latino Princess

Holden: “They’re not saying anything about you now. Okay? They’re talking about fictional characters. Fictional characters. Am I…am I getting through to you at all?” 

Jay: “So, all we gotta do is go stop the fuckin’ movie from gettin’ made.” 

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

As many of you know, I will find anything to bitch about. But sometimes something comes up and I have to bitch about the bitchers. Disney does not need my help defending themselves against a bunch of yahoos that not only have things to complain about that don’t affect their lives, but believe in their bullshit enough to start campaigns and try and get Disney to…I don’t even know.

"No one will complain about this. I promise."

There’s some new terrible ass made for TV “animated” cartoon about a new character named Princess Sofia. One Disney representative made the mistake of saying that she was Latina. Now, we all know that every race wants to be represented in TV and movies. But it has to be the way they want it. Latinos are pissed because Sofia has blue eyes and her skin isn’t dark enough. Because as we all know there are no Latinos with blue colored eyes. That shit isn’t even a real thing.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Kids These Days 9

Oh, you kids and your crazy…things. On my Facebook we had a whole discussion about butt chugging which is when you insert a tube in your ass and pump it full of beer or whatever’s handy. That’s bad for you. Your ass is exit only except for special occasions like Saturday. But this story I saw about a chick named Gaby Scanlon from England is far worse. I’d rather consume booze with my ass then have my stomach removed. How could an 18 year old girl celebrating her birthday have her stomach removed? Oh, by consuming some of this.

Yum yum give me some!

Yeah, that’s liquid fucking nitrogen. Its used for keeping shit cold and making science experiments in school seem half interesting. I know that people like to do strange shit with alcohol, but putting nitrogen in my drink is not something I’m interested in. She got the drink at a bar and later started “…becoming breathless and developing severe stomach pain” and “diagnosed with a perforated stomach.” Doctors had to perform a gastrectomy which removed her stomach because she swallowed liquid fucking nitrogen!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Dante Vs. Nature 19

I saw an article that started with the sentence “…giant eyeball washed up on a Florida beach…” and immediately started stretching for The Great Shove 20--. The reason that no year is permanently listed is because I don’t travel and getting near that state is like me saying I want to voluntarily jump into the ocean aka Earth’s Buffet. “Experts” are saying that the eye belongs to a sailfish…probably. They aren’t even 100% sure. They’re just throwing shit against the wall and seeing what will not make Dante go nuts.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Five Things I Learned Being Unemployed

Ever since the economy turned to shit back in 2008 I’ve been half employed. Yeah, I have a job but its never permanent. Working as an assistant editor I can go from job to job but I cant at this point in my life say that I have a full time job. During these last four years I have been unemployed and from November 2008 to February 2010 did not have a job. That was one of the most difficult parts of my life and something I wish to never repeat.

I learned a lot of shit when I wasn’t working about my friends, my spending habits, my mind, and myself. Earlier this year there was a two month period where I didn’t have a job and started to feel myself slip back into that unemployed mind state and realized that I needed to shut that shit down immediately. I didn’t but I did have help from friends. Here is a list of five things I learned while being unemployed. Hope it helps some of you out and me if I ever end up not working again.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Story Behind The Photo 16

About three years ago I went to the library with Cam to play with kids toys and draw on the ground. No, not because I'm just some hooligan that just combs the city streets looking for ways to cause destruction. Usually. I would go to help out with the Easter events, Halloween, and festivals. I miss doing that. It gave me an up close and personal view of the enemy: kids. This first image is me trying to get into a ball pit. I want one and cant have it so when I have the chance to get into one, whether I fit or not, I'm getting in the damned thing. So I did. Or tried. Either way it was fun. I'm looking at this picture and am pissed knowing that I don't own those pants anymore. I think I tore the ass out of them. And that shirt is falling apart because I had it for way too long.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Five Things I Learned About Love

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more. I had to do it. We’re not gonna get into the science of love like how its just your brain pumping testosterone and estrogen, adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, and cortical. Not gonna do that. I’m gonna talk about me and the things I’ve learned about when I am in love or love someone. Yes, there is a difference. There’s “I love you and hope you don’t die before me” and “I love you and want to cut your cake with my knife.”

People throw the word love around a lot. I love my late fish Maximus more than most of the people that walk this planet. I know that he was just a fish but whatever. I loved the little psychopath. Love is a very complex thing that we’ll never really understand completely and cant compare to others because fuck their emotions. You know what you love.

Story Behind The Photo 15

This is the official first image of Pretty Ricky. Me and Cam were in Westwood doing some shopping and there was this $3 shop that we were in and I saw this thing just calling for me. Why did I want it? I have no idea. I saw it and got it. We rode around Beverly Hills singing Blondie songs and scaring tourists as a very happy curly haired chick and her large Black male friend sang “Heart Of Glass” at the top of their lungs. This was one of those days that I look back on and remember so many details. I was so damned happy just being a weirdo with my bestfriend. This wig inspired me to make Pretty Ricky a character on Doom Mates and you all know how that went. Pretty Ricky has a Prettier Than You series and has even been on Tha O Show. I wish I had this day on tape. Why do we not have that technology right now? Stupid planet.

Click here for past Story Behind The Photo.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dante Saves You: Evil House Edition

Its October and you know what that means. Halloween! When I was little I went to a few haunted houses and they were just regular ass houses with straw thrown on the floor because as we all know straw is the scariest thing that you can find on the floor. When you see straw anything can happen after that point!

But this isn’t true. You can live in a jacked up ass house that wants to kill you or use you to kill your family and friends. Allow me to introduce Evil Houses! I know some of you will be like “Why didn’t you mention Poltergeist?!” to which I’ll respond “German scares me!” and the fact that I have used that damned movie in enough blogs already. So get ready for me to save your dumbass.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Dante The Masculine Feminist

Lies. I’m one of the least masculine men ever. Some of you may be shocked to know this, but I am a huge feminist. I think that women and men are equal in every sense and a woman can be President of the United States. Well, that last part is mostly because I don't think fucking up for four years is a male exclusive activity. I have never walked around thinking that men were better than women because I give so much of the fact that I've never been arrested, don't have kids I don't take care of running around, or sitting around getting high and drunk all the time because of my grandmother's who were amazing women.

fem-uh-niz-uhm; noun: doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men. 

As some of you know I do a list on my other blog called Bad Mamma Jamma which covers cool and tough ass women in films. After a short amount of time I had run out of women that were bad ass which sucks because I love the ladies. You look at films and there is a huge shortage of women for girls to look up. I mean, you should be looking up to your mother or women in your life but as we all know…life if fucking ridiculous. Our mothers tend to do more harm than good or we learn by doing the opposite of them.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Dante Bitches About Cosmo Magazine

Last weekend I stayed on the phone with Munky for about three hours raging about Cosmopolitan Magazines website. If you’ve never seen it, they write articles that are meant to get women murdered with sexual suggestions. I found this article called 10 Ways To Change Your Man (Just A Little).

“Okay—we get it. No matter how much you love your guy, there are always going to be things about him that drive you nuts. But trying to, uh, tweak him can get tricky. Enter the guys at—they swear these subtle moves will fix his issues.” 


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Kids These Days 8

There are a lot of people that aren’t into anime. I am. Before I knew it had an actual name when I was little I used to just call them Japanese cartoons. Many of the cartoons I loved growing up like Robotech and Voltron are anime. I’m wearing a Voltron shirt right now actually. But there is a darker side to anime. Just shit tons of porn with juices and all kinds of weird shit. But still, anime rules. Except when people decide to do it in real life.

Aah! Aah! Kill it with fire!

This isn’t like regular ass cosplay which can be ridiculously hot. This chick that I saw on Yahoo! creeps me right the fuck out. This dame does her face up to look like an anime chick and I shit you know if I saw this in a forest I would run harder than I ever have in my life! “Oh, Dante. I am the magical fairy of…” F-f-f-f-fuck yooooooooooouuuuuu!!!