Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Dante Saves You: Enter The Dragon Edition

Remember that one time you got invited to that island to participate in a tournament where you and others from around the world had to compete against one another to see who was the best fighter in the world? Yeah, I don’t either. You know why? Because it didn‘t happen, you freak!

Enter The Dragon is considered one of the best films ever made involving Bruce Lee and people getting kicked in the face faster than they can blink. Poor O’Hara. That dude just didn’t know when to quit. You hit me in the face three times and then so hard I am stopped only by the people watching I bow and throw my wallet at you. I don’t need that level of stress in my life.

Poor son of a bitch.

In this Dante Saves You: Enter The Dragon Edition I will teach your dumb ass how to survive landing on this island. How did you get here anyway? I didn’t see you on the boat, you stowaway son of a bitch! Fine. You’re already here. Let’s kick some lip synced ass! And before you ask, no, I am not sharing any of my free hookers with you.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Rosscast Episode 285: Let Me See You Doo Doo Brown

In this episode I talk about my new Damn Discussion pod cast, teens acting stupid, Bitches Be Crazy with a lady that really loves cats, The Fuck Was That?! with a couple not being able to wait for their honeymoon, We Going To Hell with a baby tossing shoplifter, and a new segment Missed Connections as read by Buffalo Bill! Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Damn Discussion Episode 1 "Stand Your Ground"

In the first episode of a new show I have started called Damn Discussion I decided to talk about and examine the Stand Your Ground law in America. Using audio from the media and music to get my point across I hope you decide to listen and give me your views on this topic. Click here to download or add to your site.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Parents Failing Hard 6

I like going to concerts. Don’t you? Fun. Music. Leaving your kids locked in the car. Wait. What?! Brittany Harris, 25, decided that looking for a babysitter was for squares and decided that nothing, not even having two kids, was gonna keep her from seeing Lil Wayne in concert. So she decided to leave her 3 and 5 year old alone in a car while she enjoyed the show. For three hours.

Last Saturday at the Cruzan Amphitheater in South Florida an employee spotted the kids standing near their mother’s car in the lot surrounded by “intoxicated persons.” No one talks like that in real life by the way. The kids were taken to the sheriffs deputies and around 10:30, almost four hours after the show started, their mother was arrested.

So...how was the concert?

Harris tried to lie at first saying her cousins brought her kids before finally admitting that she brought her kids. Dumbass. She ended up getting arrested, charged with two counts of child neglect, welfare workers allegedly ordered to take possession of the kids, and in jail with $20,000 in bail. What a champion!

Kids These Days 21

We’ve all heard of ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but what exactly is it? How can you tell the difference between an actual disorder or the fact that you just haven’t raised your kids properly and now they are assholes that don’t know how to act in public? We’ve seen kids act a fool in stores and wondered why their parents didn’t give them five across the eye or said to ourselves “That kid is gonna get their ass whipped when they get home!” 

The FDA has just approved a medical scan that can help tell if kids have ADHD and I can already smell the smoke from so many hands rubbing together so hard they burst into flames form the medical community. Oh, all the money’s will be made! A NEBA system will help confirm if a kid from age 6 to 17 has ADHD. I can only imagine what would’ve happened if they hooked this shit up to my head when I was a kid.

How would I describe myself as a kid? A very smart kid that did a lot of dumb shit because fuck it no one is watching. This machine will read brainwaves and then parents can finally breathe a sigh of relief knowing that it wasn’t the fact that they left their kid locked in the car when it was 109 outside and when they returned their kid was talking different. Did Dante always blink twice with his left eye? Doesn’t matter. NEBA says he got the ADHD. 

"My kids are making me racist!"

Studies say that 3 to 7 percent of kids have ADHD which would make you think it would combat the fact that so many kids are so goddamn fat. Cant be fat and always moving around, right? Here is a list of just some of the symptoms from the different versions of ADHD and where I fit in as a child. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Rosscast Episode 284: Viva Las Vegas

In this episode (with funky audio at the start) I talk about my trip to Vegas, hot ass weather, my Greyhound experience, We Going To Hell featuring bikes and batin’, Shit Just Got Real with a burglar getting more than he planned for, Dude What The Fuck? with a peeping tom in poop, and Only In Florida with a hidden camera and a stepdaughter. Click here to download this and previous Rosscast Shows. Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

"HENCH" Preview

Dennis stood on the rooftop of the Heartville Tower staring down. Eighty floors. He did this once a month trying to imagine what it must have been like for his father to plummet to his death eleven years ago as millions around the world cheered. His father, Scott Black, was one of the four finally killed by a tactical team created specifically to take his father’s boss down. Tactical Reinforcement And Protection, or TRAP, they were called. His three friends fathers were all killed that day as well. They never returned to the place their fathers died.

“This isn’t healthy, DB” James “Jimbo” Weatherspoon told Dennis as he walked closer to the edge of the building. “You cant keep doing this to yourself.” James placed his hand on Dennis’ shoulder which was quickly slapped away. “Dick.”

“I know where they live” Dennis said, laughing to himself. Everyone knew who “they” were. “It’d be so easy to just go to their houses and--”

“Die just like our fathers” Doc said. No one knew the rest of his name or ever bothered to find out. Even in school the staff referred to him as Doc. “It might not seem like it but I do like this whole living bullshit. I’m not in a rush to stop.” Doc walked behind Dennis and shoved him sharply towards the edge. Dennis jumped back, fists up ready for a fight. “You’re not ready to die either.” Dennis took a step towards Doc an inch away from his face. “So stop acting like you are.”

“They murdered our fathers” Dennis hissed at Doc.

“What are you doing up here?!” someone shouted. They all spun around and a security guard stood with his hand on his hand on the barrel of a pistol. “Let me see some hands in the air!”

“We aren’t looking for any trouble, sir” Richard “Big Rich” Keller said while raising his hands. “We were just checking out the view. Its pretty amazing, isn’t it?” Richard took a step towards the guard.

“Stay where you are!” the guard shouted. Richard took two more forward as the guard removed his gun and aimed it at Richard’s head.

“Rich, stop moving” James said. He knew Richard’s reputation. He knew that Richard had spent most of his childhood in juvenile detention centers and was not afraid to go to prison. “Like he said, sir, we were just admiring the view. We’ll leave--” Suddenly the guards face disappeared in a cloud of pink mist. Everyone spun to see Dennis holding a Kel Tec 380.

“That felt good” Dennis said as he smiled.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Shit Just Got Real 3

There are a few things that I don't fuck around with. Sexy thighs, dirt peoplefood, comedy, and of course...zombies. Now, I'm not gonna hurt anyone over these things. I'll strongly disagree at the most. But this dude named Jared Gurman is on some whole 'nother level shit that makes me question the strength of my convictions. This is because this Williston Park (New York) mofo shot his girlfriend, Jessica Gelderman, in the back with a shotgun over a disagreement about the series The Walking Dead
“Jess walked into the room and I fired the gun once and hit her. She said, 'Oh my God. What did you do?'” Gurman told police. Using a .22 semiautomatic rifle he jacked up a lung, her diaphragm, and shattered her ribs because this is America and that is a logical response to a disagreement over a TV show. He drove her to a hospital and was arrested. She's still in there with a bullet in her body.