Dante Gets Curious: Men Vs Women

There was a video that came out last week of this dude laying out two women with haymakers. At the time the guy was not caught but as of a day or so he had turned himself in. His name is Arka Oroojian. When I was talking to a friend about this video I said “I wonder what led up to this moment.” Not even kind of defending this big ass dude for knocking out two women. But I knew that it did not go from zero to sixty as it was being portrayed because I know how humans work. The video that went around started with this guy hitting these women and not quite running away. It was definitely not a run. A saunter maybe but not a run. There were a lot of people around and no one jumped in to help. Someone recorded the whole thing and even filmed him getting away.

Something about the video bothered me. Yes, seeing two women knocked out not in a UFC cage was one. Also the fact that no one helped. I was bothered by that but I understand why they did not. More on that later. Arka (which is way faster for me to type) said in an interview “I definitely feel bad...I wish they didn't spit on me or attack me.” Uh-oh. Plot twist. So he is saying that before the video started that he was attacked. This is what I meant by something not feeling right when I watched the video. I could not imagine people getting upset at someone for taking too long to get a hot dog to punches. I could easily imagine a woman or two bowing up to a guy because that shit happens. It happens more now or is just seen more now because everyone films everything.

“The woman that was cussing me out spits on me. Her friend then attacks me. I fall down on the ground and they both start kicking me. I mean, if you look at the video it shows them coming towards me and I was just defending myself and the last thing I wanna do is fight.” Arka was booked for felony assault charges and got out on $90,000 bail. “The truth is, I was defending myself...social media crucified me...they're crucifying me.” Yeah, that's pretty much what social media does. As for the person who filmed it, I imagined that it was some random person looking to film a WSHH moment and post it online. Imagine the look on my face when I found out that it was the father of one of the women that was attacked. Mike Watson said that Arka was starting a ruckus before attacking the women.

The women say that they got concussions and memory loss because of the attack. This happened around 1am which is when nothing good happens. Especially not at a hot dog vendor. Detective Meghan Aguilar said “People shouldn't always necessarily jump into situations where they then put themselves in peril, or in the way of harm, but we would ask that you at least call the police. We can't do our jobs if we don't know what's happening and we aren't called to the area.” This is true. I have called the sheriff's asking if I should intervene in shit happening outside and they say not to...then don't show up. Because I live in West Hollywood.

The past couple of years have shown an increase of the amount of times men and women have gotten into fights as well as others not getting involved. There are stories of women being attacked and later being upset that no men stopped the attacks. There is one article in England where a mentally unstable man attacked a woman named Tamara Cincik on a subway and she was not mad at him, but at the men that did not help her. When I first heard the story my gut reaction was almost the same as hers but then I remembered that I was born at a different time and those rules do not apply to this current state of reality. She is sure to mention the races of all involved in her tale. “I remain more angry with those white middle class men who left me to it. As fathers, husbands and sons they should be ashamed of themselves.”

What happened to her is not an isolated or rare instance. There appears to be a thing, that's what I will call it, a thing where guys are just not getting involved. It can be for any number of reason. Know what? Fuck it. This is gonna be longer than I anticipated so I might as well go all in. I am gonna list some thoughts people may have in situations where a woman is attacked and they think a guy should jump in and why they may not.

Why You're Not Being Helped

“He is a man and should get involved.”

Right? Men are tougher than women and definitely stronger. All men are! But not really. Just because someone is a dude and has a penis and even identifies as a man does not automatically mean he is stronger, tougher, and most importantly has the ability to fight. He may have never even been in a fight or been hit in the face. You just need a meat shield which is what a lot of guys would become. You also think that he is chivalrous. Most dudes are chivalrous when it means they get something be it money, sex, or fame. There is also the fact that Ronda Rousey's mother could fuck up over half of us men.

“Well, what if it was their own mother, sister, wife, or daughter being attacked?”

In that case they may have helped. May have. And chances are you are neither of those things to them. You are another human that they barely knew existed until another crazy ass human attacked you. Now you are a story and they do not want to be a part of it. People who use others personal lives to attempt to link it to mine does not work since I do not talk or relate to 99% of my family. Plus, most women I know would not have thought the guy was a performance artist and would have stayed the fuck away from him from the jump. Street smarts! And don't forget, at the start of this post the girls father is the one filming his daughter being knocked out.

“Fine. I am not a part of his personal life but why wouldn't you just help?”

Probably don't wanna be sued. Not by you but the person he beat up or restrained to help you out. When I first heard that excuse I scoffed like a rich man from the 1930's but then I started finding articles where this exact thing happened. Could you imagine jumping into a situation, stopping someone from bodily harm, and then being arrested? In one case a guy stopped an attack and it turns out he had some unpaid tickets and was arrested for those. Men can and will help...again for money, sex, or fame. Or because they wanna just punch something.

Helping requires action and action requires initiative and initiative is a mostly a self taught thing. Not many people are self taught in combat. People, especially guys, are told to not be confrontational anymore which is the opposite of how many were raised. Me and my family would have full on fist fights and wrestling matches and at the end of the day we still had to share the same bedroom. We would fight each other and for one another. But today those same actions are shunned. Is it for the better? That's pretty much up for a parent or guardian to decide. I do not have a kid but I would 100% want them to be able to fight back against someone. Have the ability and understanding to not start a fight but be able to end one. I do not want a son or daughter that gets hit aand curls into a ball. That person, as an adult, for sure is not going to jump to your defense. You have the internet. There are thousands of videos of grown ass men getting the shit kicked out of them defending someone else in a confrontation. They have all the moves of a fighter. They are saying all the right things. But when it comes to actual physical confrontation they have zero ability to protect themselves let alone anyone else.

“Shouldn't he just help because I am another human being?”

Most likely...nah. Getting hit sucks. Getting hit by someone and knowing that they will not get help sucks even more. You couldn't stop this tornado of violence that they are now a part of. They could help if they are willing to sacrifice possibly bodily harm but there are not that many people that can. Hell, there are professional fighters that end up broke because they got a little too hurt after a fight and they do that shit for a living. If some Target employee jumps in to stop a homeless man from attacking you on the bus how much are you willing to contribute to his possible hospital bills? I believe that people do not help anymore because they don't know how and because they are scared. If you want to know what a scared man looks like just look up a stare down before a Mike Tyson fight. Now imagine that you are not a professional boxer that has at least some ability to fight and defend yourself. You get winded carrying groceries and now you are in a life or death situation. Yeah, good luck with that. And there's the fact that most people do not like people. I'm one of them. I'm not one of those dogs are better than people type of people but I am not a fan of humanity as a whole. Most of you are shit birds who have the strange ability to forget that we are all going to die someday.

“So what does this all mean? That I'm just expected to fend for myself?”

Yes! Whether you are a man or woman, yes! You know why I don't get into fights? Because I have been in fights. I have had my ass handed to me and have fought and won. I know the signs that a fight is escalating. The posture one assumes when they are about to throw a punch. Even the look in the eyes of someone that is going to start some shit. I tell my friends “They have never been punched in the face” when we are watching how some people behave. When I see a woman get in a guys face and scream, mash their face, or punch them I think: 

A. They have not been hit before. 

B. They think they won't be hit because they are a woman. 

C. They think if shit gets squirrely that someone will jump in. 

I think all the same things for a guy minus B. It is important to not start shit especially with someone you don't know and how to get away from shit before it gets out of hand. Most people freeze and if you wanna be stressed out hang with these people in public places. There was a girl I knew years ago whose reaction to anything stressful was to just cry. Her reaction to seeing a spider was the same as getting into a car accident. She is not helping you in a fight.

What Does All This Even Mean?

Some would say that it is a case of men hating women. This is true for some folks for sure. I don't think women like most of the women they personally know but in today's environment you have to show some solidarity. It's like how when a Black dude gets into some shit I am supposed to defend him automatically. This is an actual thing. I do believe that a lot of guys are afraid of women. I read one article where it pretty much said “If you're not an asshole you don't need to be afraid of women.” Not true at all. You can be the nicest guy on the planet and someone will think you're an asshole because of it.

I talk to mostly women. I can sit here and honestly say I have one male friend. I have one guy that I can sit here and say “This dude is my friend.” I talk almost exclusively to women and it is not something that is intentional. Even when I work at new jobs I tend to end up staying friends with ladies more than guys because they like talking. I fucking love talking but am afraid to talk to new women. I wont even sign up for a dating site because I don't want to accidentally offend someone I don't know but want to. It feels like a situation where I am not afraid of a woman, like an individual person, but of a culture of women that seems to be growing. I would rather you think I am possibly an asshole than have it confirmed by a conceived action on my part if that makes any sense. I tend to stay home, talk to my friends, do all my hobbies, and hang with the women I have known for years. 

There are groups of men that get together online and sometimes in person (usually under the name Men Go Their Own Way or MGTOW) whose goal is to not even be in a relationship. They will hook up with women but the idea of starting a family, getting married, or even just dating one woman is out the window. Back when I wanted to get married and have kids I would have talked mad shit about these guys. But as the years go by I get it. I don't get the hooking up part because STD's and booty cooties scare the shit out of me but I get not getting married and having kids. This planet is fucking insane and the idea of raising a baby in it is horrifying to think about. I don't think these guys hate women as much as they hate a part of themselves that they are being told is not right. “The way you were raised is wrong. Fix it right now. Stop being what you were told to be. Be a man! But not, like, that kinda man. Not an old fashioned type of man.” The blueprint for what a guy is supposed to be like these days is super fucked up and confusing and many are just opting out of it. If life is a video game they are not pressing start to continue.

Things take time. You can't change a generation or three of people overnight or even in a couple of years. It makes me laugh when people are upset at someone who is over 60 being racist and/or sexist and wants them to change. There are a metric shit ton of articles with women upset at other women for how things are going and women get super pissed at them. Most men are choosing to just avoid interacting with women unless they have to and when they do they behave like they are walking in a minefield. I already barely looked up when I walk down the street because I have shit posture but if I am walking behind a woman I will go out of my way to pass them and not stay behind them. I already hardly ever complimented a woman on how she looked and now that shit is at zero. I don't want to walk around with a chart saying how I should compliment someone. If I have to get a third person in the room so we can talk chances are I will just choose not to have that interaction and just email you and CC someone else in it.

If women wanted men afraid they got it but not quite in the way they wanted. Some men got nervous. The ones that you would think would be happy got nervous and the ones that should actually be nervous got bolder and louder. They gathered in groups. They said “If you want to be treated like a man I will treat you like a man” and that translated to fighting you like one. I have talked to my friends, again almost all women, about equality and the multiple movements going on. When the topic of being treated like a man comes up I have to point out what that even means. Because even for a man there is not equal treatment. I think people need to be specific when they say what a man is. Because for sure you don't want to be treated like “a man.” You want to be treated like a successful White man that has everything he could want and more. Because that man gets treated differently than a Black, Latin, or Asian man. And even within those groups of men there are hierarchies. All White men aren't treated like White men. A lot of men are barely treated like a “man” and whatever that means. The shit is weird. The shit is confusing. None of it makes sense. Check out this slide from NBCNews and look at random thoughts people have about all this stuff.

How has any of this stuff changed my life, these movements and such? I make even less eye contact with women. I smile less. I stopped doing things I used to do for women I don't know like hold doors open and do heavy lifting type things because I don't want them to think that I think they are weak. I keep an even further distance than I used to in lines while shopping. When walking in aisles I keep the human equivalent of three car lengths away. More handshakes and head nods and less hugs. Far less talking to strangers when outside even when they start the conversation which is usually the case because I try to keep to myself outside. And none of this is done because I hate women. I just have no desire to accidentally be a part of a story or hashtag. No amount of my lady friends telling me that I am “different” or “not like those guys” mean anything in the free range world.

What I would like for folks to take away from this is that everyone is going through some shit all the time and that we are making it even harder to just get by. If your first reaction to seeing something online angers your blood you should probably let it air out for a minute before responding or jumping on the hate train know as call-out culture. Look at the people that agree with you. Observe the people you roll with and ask if you all look and think alike. Don't start shit with strangers whether it is in person or online. The world is crazy enough without you filling all your free time with bad news. Stop telling people that you are going to practice mindfulness and just do that shit. Stop assuming people were raised the same as you. Everyone chill the fuck out and go see a movie. And don't ever let a situation get so fucking bad that you are fighting over hot dogs in the street with strangers downtown. Walk away and mind your business more.

I think I am done rambling now. 

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