Sunday, April 14, 2019

The Spider Princess & Big Baby Part 2


Click here for previous Spider Princess & Big Baby

The residents of the kingdom parted like a sea as the Unbruised and Serf walked through the streets. Their voices would lower until they were completely silent. The last thing anyone wanted was to be overheard by a stray Lobe. The Serf could not even begin to hide their nervousness at being given the task of accompanying the Unbruised to track down and return with Peraticus. There is not a kingdom that does not know the tales of Peraticus. Granted, many of them sound untrue. Then one finds out that they aren't. The truth is far worse than any tale you could imagine.

Peraticus once destroyed a small village with a stick. Turns out it was five villages and a small, new kingdom and that he used the headstone of the previous king as a weapon. Peraticus once lifted a horse over his head to prove his strength. He actually lifted it and ripped the beast in half with his bare hands because he'd step in its dung. And it was his own horse. No one felt too bad though. Frankly the horse was a monster and only functioned as a way to get Peraticus to locations faster so that he may wreak havoc.

Just as the Unbruised and Serf reached the gates a horn was blown in the distance. The Unbruised sighed lightly and it turned to face the castle. The Spider Princess stood in the window and nodded for the Unbruised to continue.

“May I speak openly to you?” it asked the Serf. They paused, looked at one another, then slowly nodded. “I am not sure why I ask. None of you will be coming back with me. Oh, do not pretend to not know this. The Spider Queen wants me to bring back the most dangerous being in the land. Peraticus is mad. Clearly mad. I once met him when I was but four moons and three suns old. He could not have been more than 10 moons and nine suns old at the most. There was a fire burning. Beautiful fireplace owned by the former king and queen. You mention any of this to anyone and you will die eleven deaths.”

The Serf nodded. Dying eleven deaths was an actual event that could occur. A mad wizard named Gala had the ability to raise the dead eleven times. Gala was pronounced Gah-Lah. Not Gay-Luh. Someone made that mistake and is now forever frozen in place and currently faces the corner of Gala's bedroom holding his hats. No one liked Gala except for the Spider Princess. Hmm. Perhaps liked it too strong of a word. Politely tolerated his presence. That sounds better. Either way the Serf got the point.

One poor knight name Airy was killed ten times as punishment for looking at the Spider Princess for a moment too long. In his defense, he wasn't actually even looking at her. He was looking at a Serf near her that may or may not have been his missing sister. Airy was never the same after that. More than a few times he has been found wearing the bottom half of his armor and screaming into the moat on hands and knees. But on the bright side at least he can tell you what happens when you die. So...cheers to that.

Many have said that Gala is so angry and bitter because he has actually seen the end of time. He will not tell anyone what he saw, including the Spider Princess, but whatever it was enraged, saddened, and pretty much bummed him out. He was enragadummed. He was asked what he saw and replied “If I told you what I saw you would run face first into a wall of spikes.”

The Unbruised continued.

“Peraticus walked to this fireplace and without any hesitation stuck his hands into the flames. I wanted to rush over to him and yank his hands out. But me being me I would have been stopped if I made the slightest of movements towards him. Guards grabbed him by the shoulders and he laughed as his very hands were on fire. Of course he was not hurt. The guards were. He pummeled seven of them to death with his flaming hands. He looked over to me, winked, and dove from the window. The queen then explained to me that Peraticus, though not immortal, was extremely hard to hurt let alone kill.” One of the Serf stopped in front of the Unbruised, wishing to speak. “Yes?”

“Will we be eaten by Peraticus?” it asked.

“Likely” the Unbruised said. The Serfs heads' dropped. “Come now.” the Unbruised said as it lay a hand on the Serfs' shoulder. “Some things are worse than being eaten. Just ask the Spider Princess' mother. Such a boring task finding a mad man. Why not send Emorata?”

Emorata is known as The Lord's Blade. Which lord? It doesn't matter honestly seeing as no one in the kingdom is free to worship anything other than the Spider Princess. There is that small period of time during which the Spider Princess will venture out and some are brave enough to worship the statues that represent gods no one speaks of anymore. Emorata will appear during those times and spin tales of a time long ago where the streets were loud with the laughter of children and cheers when the king and queen of years gone by appeared.

Not the, you know, king and queen that we never speak of.

Ever.

Of course no one believed a word that Emorata said. They should though. Emorata never lied. Never needed to. Emorata was insane, yes, but not a liar. She never needed to because she feared nothing. Not even Peraticus and everyone feared Peraticus. Emorata was quite dark in skin tone and on rare occasions ventured out during light and if you happened to see her and not the other way around you would be surprised to see that her skin was a beautiful purple. Then you would be surprised at how fast she moved and even more surprised at the amount if time you could live with your insides on the outside of your body. There is even a story of when she fought Peraticus to a draw. I believe they both fainted from loss of blood which is rather odd since one never really quite knows when Peraticus is done bleeding. Speaking of which.

***

Peraticus was busy turning a beautiful small pond red as he washed the blood off of his armor. The screams of the village had finally died down meaning he could relax. He dipped his red hands into the water and looked at them. Yes. Still red. Because he was. Meaning he was red skinned. Peraticus was thin but very muscular. His shoulders far wider than they had any right to be with long, dark brown hair that usually hung over his face. His smile made the young cry and the elderly collapse. Everyone in between would run or hide.

Peraticus suddenly spun and threw a blade. A Serf yelped in pain as its ear was pinned to a nearby tree. Peraticus jumped nude from the water and landed in front of the terrified Serf. The blade was yanked free, the Serf collapsed to the ground, and tried to breathe as a foot was pressed to its chest.

“Message!” it gasped. “I have a message! Don't kill me, sir!”

“The fact that you still live means I am far more tired than I suspected” Peraticus said while removing his foot. His voice betrayed his appearance. He looked like a demon to most but had a very smooth voice when calm. “That was meant for your eye.”

“I have a message” the Serf repeated.

“From?”

“I...I'm not sure” it said. Peraticus placed his foot back on the Serfs chest. “There is word that the Spider Princess is looking for you...”

“Sounds like work” Peraticus said as he stomped one last time, crushing it. “I am not a fan of work nor am I against it” he said to the lifeless corpse, tapping his foot on what used to be a rib cage. “But...its something to do for a bit. At the very least I will have a chance to converse with the Unbruised. That thing intrigues me terribly.”

***

Peach In The Sun is quite unattractive but the absolute nicest creature you are ever to come across in this desolate place. She is from a land where nothing grows except for the sorrow of the souls unlucky enough to have been born there. Peach In The Sun was once worshiped as a goddess until Bilious and his small army raided her kingdom in the name of the Spider Princess. Since that day many stars ago she has been a source of joy in anyone that crossed her paths lives in that they are secure in the knowledge that no matter what may befall them they shall never look as bad as Peach In The Sun. Oh? Bilious? I'll get to him soon enough. I just started talking of Peach In The Sun and now you want to know about Bilious. 

The Spider Princess sat overlooking her kingdom. She knew the Unbruised would not be returning any time soon and decided to “mingle” with her population. See her with her arms crossed and her unblinking black eyes staring off into the distance? It does not get any more mingle than this for the Spider Princess. Peach In The Sun stood nearby awaiting orders. Nothing too strenuous. Often times the Spider Princess would simple tell Peach In The Sun to look at a flying beast so that her hood would fall back revealing her face.

It's the small things.

“You miss your home?” the Spider Princess asked.

“Yes” Peach In The Sun replied softly. Oh, the voice was so sweet! “Do you?” The Spider Princess turned to face the darkness of Peach In The Sun's hood.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked. Peach In The Sun managed to turn her five pumpkin height into two as she shrunk away. The Spider Princess grabbed her by her belt and held her firm. She was far stronger than she appeared. “Are you saying that this is not my home?” Peach In The Sun remained silent. “Fine. Let's see if Internecine can get you to speak.”

Peach In The Sun pulled away from the Spider Princess and leapt to her death many floors below to the shock of those in the kingdom that happened to be nearby. The Spider Princess looked at three nearby Serf who all quickly fell to their knees and crawled to her so that she could stand on their backs and look at the body of Peach In The Sun. No one dared touch it, not while the Spider Princess watched. Peach In The Sun is dead. Good thing I didn't spend much time telling you the long and unfortunate but thoroughly entertaining tale of how she got her bizarre name and why she appears to look the way she does. Too bad for you, really. It is quite an amazing story.

***

Jikininki is the monster that other monsters tell stories about. I know, I know. It sounds ridiculous. That is until you see it and if you happen to venture within its woods you will. There is no might or maybe to it. Jikininki has its own woods and gleefully hunts and kills within those woods. Many a lost traveler has spent days lost and delirious throwing stones at shadows thinking it was Jikininki. Chances are it was. Jikininki likes the shadows that it is somehow able to hide in considering its bright gray skin.

Jikininki is eleven pumpkins high and can weigh no more than six hens but is terrible strong for such a thin framed thing. Its long wispy hair obscures nothing as they are close to translucent. Some say that it is a sultana that lost its way in the woods many suns and moons ago and is cursed to haunt the forest. Some say it is a swain that died during a great battle in the woods. No one is quite sure which it is. Its true sexuality isn't really all that important anyway. Its a monster that scares other monsters. The last thing you or anyone else should be concerned with is its gender identity. I personally believe it to be female based on the epicene tone of its voice. But I could be wrong.

The number of Jikininki is believed to be just the one in this forest. The forest is not named nor is it marked on any map. If you were to look at a map the area the forest occupies is a darkened spot so really it is rather marked. Just not detailed. Don't go into the dark spot on the map. Some go to the very edge, usually on a dare or to test one's virility. Don't do this either. Jikininki is not bound to the forest. It just prefers to stay there for some reason. Many foolhardy villagers have been snatched where they stood daring to prove...something.

Jikininki watched as a Serf hesitantly approached Peraticus. It watched as the Serf got far closer than most have. Peraticus is not known for letting anything get this close except for his horse and we all know how that ended. Jikininki watched Peraticus miss killing the Serf and licked its lips as the Serf was crushed under Peraticus' foot. No hunting tonight. So the Spider Princess needed Peraticus? Interesting. Jikininki wondered if this had anything to do with the incredibly large wagon that was attacked by Southers a few moons ago.

Do not ask what a Souther is.


Jikininki waited until Peraticus was finished washing blood off of skin that looked like blood and immediately snatched up the body of the Serf. Jikininki climb a tall tree and began to eat the Serf, not enjoying the meal but not quite hating it either. To Jikininki a Serf tasted like a great meal with a disgusting sauce. Jikininki wondered for a moment what Peraticus would taste like. It lasted a moment because any longer than that would be a foolish thought and Jikininki is not known for foolish thoughts.

***

Many moons ago Ocelot discovered something rather peculiar throughout all kingdoms. It was this: if you continually told people a large truth often and usually unasked chances were that they would believe you to be a liar. Its rather genius when you think about it. Ocelot, ever since he was but two pumpkins high, would tell everyone that he could get any information he wanted from anyone with little to no effort. Some say it helps that his eyes are mirrors. No, not any magical mumbo-jumbo regarding his eyes being a window to ones soul. His eyes were mirrors.

Dozens of villagers and military men have been tried, convicted, and killed for failing to be able to accurately describe Ocelot's appearance. Due to his eyes they would invariably end up incriminating themselves. His eye color is the same as yours. Along with his hair, height, and skin color. It was rather infuriating to many innocent villagers who as they were being fed to the wet bears proclaimed their innocence. Many times Ocelot stayed to watch. He found it funny. Ocelot “works” as a spy for the Spider Princess. He mainly does it to occupy time between wars and ever since the king and queen went “missing” there has not been much free time to occupy.

“That little spiderling sends me to find out what her gift is and the damned thing is gone” Ocelot muttered to himself as he sat in the middle of a forest carving an arrow. Ocelot never shot arrows. He just found the act of making them relaxing. Realizing he spoke aloud he searched around for any Lobes. Finding none he continued. “What is the point of ruining your own surprise? Just...be...patient.” Ocelot was known as being one of the most patient beings in all kingdoms. He once stood in the middle of a city painted gray for so long that he was believed to be a gifted statue that no one could remember arriving. It was stupid but done to prove a point. What Ocelot did not enjoy was wasted time. Arriving late to find a gift that was on schedule because he himself was told of the gift late was not fun. “By the forgotten gods, one day I will-”

“I am here” a voice in the wind said.

“Nuh-GAAAdaH!!!” Ocelot shouted as he jumped to his feet and clicked his heels together producing blades. “Who goes there?!”

“Sorry to have frightened you” the voice said as a figure slowly emerged from the bushes.

Nothing frightens me” Ocelot said in his most convincing voice.

“You appear extremely frightened” the voice said.

“Why would I be frightened?” Ocelot asked.

“Because I am Bain-Marie, silly boy.”

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