For anyone that doesn't know, at one
point in time I was in the military. Even writing that feels like a
lie for many reasons one being that I never even went to basic
training. More on that later. People who know me but don't know that
I enlisted in the National Guard and then Army Reserve will laugh
because they know who I am and how I behave and the idea of seeing me
saluting or doing anything remotely related to following orders
funny. This is Five Things I Learned Being Recruited.
This all started because me, an ex
girlfriend, and a dead guy (not a military related death) decided
that if we took these equivalency tests that we could get out of our
first three periods of class. That sounded like a great idea! We get
to the room they're doing this and its full of fuck ups. Just
terrible ass students. Not just in a school sense, but just life.
Just kids you knew would grow up to commit crime. So we finish the
tests and forget about it until months later when during an assembly
they tracked us down. The dead kid didn't do too well so they got at
me and my ex. They told us what we did well on (I mastered nerdy shit
like communications) and I was tricked into joining the National
Guard. Then levels of nonsense I was unaware of began.
