Shit Got Real 2

In my last post I talked about the time I had to “grow a tail” but I had the luxury of living right near my job so I could just run home and handle business. This tale is of the first time I ever had to use the bathroom out of the house and had no choice but to venture into no mans land. This experience would have a profound effect on me.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

Oh, poor little Dante. One morning I woke up knowing that we were going to my cousins (who I still don’t like to this day) and then to the Crenshaw Mall for shopping. We weren’t getting anything for me, but I liked malls. I just hated shopping. Still do really. But only with people who don’t buy anything.

Shit Got Real 1

For some reason lately I keep telling stories of the three times I went number two out of my house. I’m one of those people that cant just take a dump anywhere. This one tale starts out of my house but it ends there. I will soon regale you all with tales of my wild ass. Literally. This one involves laxative tea, lying to co-workers, and lots of sweating.

“Oh, this ain’t good…”

This is what crossed my mind as I headed to my bathroom. I didn't have the best of diets a few years back. On a diet consisting on mostly beef my colon was like the 405 during 7:30am. At the behest of The Mexican Whore (I'll explain later sometime) I decided to go on a fast and cleanse. It was supposed to be followed by drinking cayenne pepper, syrup, and lemon juice.