I was talking to a friend yesterday about how I have been socially and around women. This is someone that knew of me when I was little and through junior high. We didn’t hang out. She was a part of the popular group but she didn’t see it that way. I was a part of the nerdy group running around wrestling each other, drawing, and arguing over who would win in a fight between Batman and Wolverine. Chick magnet, I was not.
We got on the topic of me not chasing after girls. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I just was very good at talking myself out of pursuing folks. I would see a girl and know what kinds of dudes they were into and tell myself, “The guys she likes are tall, athletic, and have actually touched a boob and made out. I have not. And moving on…” She says that I wasn’t that bad looking in school but that I lacked confidence. I don’t see it that way. What I did was take a look into the future and saved myself a bit of rejection.
At various points I was really short, really short and fat, or really short, fat, and strange to everyone. I lost weight but then just looked hungry. After school I filled out (a bit too much) but I was in a relationship at the time. Even when I was single I wouldn’t run around chasing chicks. I’ve never been that guy. Even when I was horny as hell I couldn’t make myself just hook up with someone and mess around. I have been accused of thinking like a girl in that regard.
My height was a funny thing growing up. I remember my brother saying, “You’re gonna be short, fat, with bad teeth.” And I believed him. There wasn’t any evidence that pointed to me turning out otherwise. My family is short, had dental work done, and high blood pressure from being overweight. I was kinda like, “Fuck it.” I was funny to most people and could talk shit with the best of them. If someone made fun of me I could sit there and bring them close to tears. This was done without even cursing which most people will resort to when insulting folks. I was clever and knew it. That was my best weapon. My mouth and my mind.
Eventually I got taller, my teeth are perfect, and while my face doesn’t stop traffic its okay looking. The friend I talked to said that if I lived in L.A (South Central) that I would have been a different person. Like, if I had stayed I would’ve had more sexual partners or something. I doubt it. As soon as I open my mouth people realize that I’m not thug. I don’t use the N-word. Yeah, I curse (more than I should but less than I use to) but at least I’m creative with it. I’ll call someone a son of a ass or asshat faster than anything else.
When I hear kids complain about being made fun of in school and stuff I just wanna tell them that it gets worse when you grow up. It doesn’t get easier but you just have to learn to handle that shit and use it for fuel. The guys that made fun of me when I was young are either dead, in jail, or look like shit. I think I turned out alright.
Rockets.
