“That was a really good sandwich. You made me waste it. What to do?”
He covers my eyes and I hear him stop out of the room. Joyce and Gerry scream and I hear something crash to the ground near my feet.
“Help!”
Its Gerry. Why is this happening?! I struggle in my seat. I hear a laugh and a sound before I am out. I wake up and the room is darker. Wait. My eyes aren’t covered! Joyce is sitting across from me. She is tied up and unconscious.
“Joyce!” my mouth isn’t gagged! “Joyce!” I hear her moan.
“What…?” she says and then slumps over.
“This is the best part. You get to look into the eyes of the woman you love and have her destroy you. I am going to try something I have done only twice before.”
He goes over to Joyce and places a gun in her hand. Its strapped down to the arm of the chair. My favorite chair. I look down and I too am holding a gun. I couldn’t aim it at him if I wanted. Its pointed at Joyce. I cant drop it. Its taped to me. Only my index finger is free.
“I would call this a Mexican stand off but I don’t want to sound racist. Now here are the rules. You listening?”
He smacks Joyce hard across the face. She shouts.
“Oh, be quiet.”
“Where’s Gerry?” I ask.
“Right there.”
I look over and Gerry is on the floor covered in blood. A hole in his head.
“Hey, don’t look at me! She did it.”
“No…” Joyce says. “No, I didn’t do this!”
“Sure you did! You’re holding the gun. Your boyfriend didn’t do it. You may not have pulled the trigger but your hand is holding the gun. Okay, no more interruptions. This is how it goes. The two of you will be asked a series of questions.”
“No…” Joyce moans.
He slaps her hard enough to make me wince. Bloods dribbles down her lip.
“No more interruptions. I will ask you a series of questions. Each time you lie the other person pulls the trigger. There are two bullets in each gun you are holding. So that means that you pretty much have a three question ratio before you pump one another full of lead. I’ve always wanted to say that.”
“I’m not doing this” I say. He walks over and squeezes the trigger. It clicks.
“Now you have a 2 and 5 chance of shooting your lady. Now shut your mouth and lets start. Ahem! Okay, Joyce? Mind if I call you Joyce?”
She cries.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Okay, first question is for you. Joyce, are you happy in your relationship?”
“Yes…” she says with no hesitation.
“And you?”
“Yes!” I say.
“One of you is lying. I wonder who it is.”
He walks over to Joyce and squeezes the trigger. Its clicks. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath.
“Now, Joyce. If you were happy you would not have slept with Tony. Slept with? I mean fucked. You fucked Tony. A lot. Like, every time you had a chance. How does that make you feel, Joyce?”
She cries.
“I am so sorry…” she cries. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”
“Isn’t that beautiful? She didn’t want to hurt anyone. Oh, all she did was sleep with your best friend. How long have you known Tony? 11? 12 years? A long time. Since grade school. And along comes this woman and she sleeps with him. You best friend! Funny how we spend nine months in a vagina only to spend the rest of our lives trying to get back in.”
He walks over to me smiling. He takes my hand and leans down low looking over the barrel. He squeezes the trigger. It clicks.
“Damn. Next question. Now that we know that Joyce is a whore and has cheated on you, has there been any other affairs during your relationship?”
“No…” Joyce says. “Please stop this…”
“Yes” I say.
He stands there. No trigger is pulled because no one is lying.
“This is going to be so exciting! Now tell your fiancé who you cheated with and why? I cant wait to see her reaction!”
“Don’t do this…” I say.
“I love when they think they have a choice. Now this is the part where you spill your guts to your lovely woman and I sit back and watch.”
I sit there for what feels like forever but is probably less than a minute. Joyce is looking at me. As if she wasn’t fucking my best friend! Who does she think she is?!
“That’s what I’m looking for! Did you feel that? That was pure rage. It lasted for a moment but it was there. I want you to keep that feeling and tell your woman how you cheated on her.”
I look at Joyce and tears are rolling down her cheek.
“I slept with your sister Mary last year” I tell her. She gasps. “Oh, whatever. You fucked Tony. My best friend!”
“Mary is my sister!” she shouts. “Its different!”
“Well talk to her” I say. “I slept with her a few times. It meant nothing.”
“Oh, that makes me feel better” she says.
“You’ll get over it” I tell her.
“This is lovely. Now you both know that you are whores. How can you claim to love each other yet fuck other people? How bizarre. Okay, next question. Do you want children?”
“Yes” Joyce and I both say.
He walks over and pulls Joyce’s trigger. It clicks. He then walks over and pulls mine. I’d be lying if I said I struggled. He sighs with disappointment. He goes to the other room and brings back a chair. He sits between the two of us but out of the path of the bullets.
“This is better than I thought it’d be. Next question. Have you ever…?”
I hear a click. Joyce pulled her trigger.
“I cant do this anymore” she says. “I just cant. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry so you try and kill me?” I ask.
“Do it. Do it. Come on. Do it. You want to. Do it. Do it. Do it!”
I do. The sound is louder than it seems it should be.
“Do it!”
I do. It clicks. I look at Joyce and her bright blue blouse is turning red.
“Do it!”
I do. Her head snaps back and falls forward slowly.
“How did that feel? Was it as good for you as it was for me?”
My hand is trembling.
“Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God…” I keep saying.
“That was something else. I didn’t think you’d actually do it. Look at her. A minute ago she was alive. Half an hour ago she was your fiancé. Three hours ago she was the mother of your child. A day ago she was the love of your life. Now? Just a corpse. The circle of life. Don’t feel too bad though. It wasn’t your kid. It was Tony’s. She was three months pregnant and just starting to show. That was why she had the dinner. She was going to propose to you. Another stab at your manhood. Okay. My job is done.”
He stretches and begins to leave.
“Wait” I say to him. “What happens now?”
“I go home and have sex with my wife after tucking my kids in. Maybe grab something to eat afterwards. Whatever. There’s no deep meaning to any of this.”
“You cant leave me like this” I tell him. “You cant just walk into someone’s life like this and fuck with them and then just do what you did and take off like nothing happened! You just don’t do that to people!”
“Most people don’t pump to bullets into their pregnant girlfriend but you did. If you come up with a good enough lie you’ll get away with this. Hey, look on the bright side. You’re still alive!”
He leaves.
I pass out.
I wake up and the sun is up. How dare it shine so beautifully exposing the carnage before my eyes? All of the blood in the room had dried. I can smell something terrible. It can be Joyce, Tony, Jonathon, or Gerry. Now is the time to struggle. I pull at my wrists and they are taped over multiple times. Its hard but not impossible to get free.
After almost an hour I have a hand free. I have to roll my wrist for ten minutes just to get all of the feeling back. I pry my other hand free and work on my legs. After an hour of this I work on the strip wrapped around my waist. I am now free.
I look over at the bodies in the room. I take a deep breath and then walk into the next room. That guy didn’t make a mess. No broken dishes or turned over furniture. I look at the front door and there is a note taped to it.
“You made it! If you are reading this not only did you survive, but you’re coherent enough to read English still. Right now you’re wondering what to do next. You can either get on with your life, call the police, or look for me. Don’t waste your time on the latter. I’m impossible to find. A few others have tried and failed. Take care of yourself and enjoy your newfound freedom!
P.S - Don’t bother trying to analyze my handwriting. I made you dead fiancé write this.”
This guy is dead.
I step outside and the day is beautiful. There are no sirens, no concerned neighbors on their lawns, no one to run up to me and tell me everything is fine. This is not a movie. I cant go to the police and explain what happened. Saying that some guy that left no evidence killed my brothers, my fiancé, and my best friend makes no sense and I’m the one that experienced it. Its funny. Even though neither of us had proposed yet we had been calling each other “fiancé” for years. That guy knew that somehow. He knew so much about us. How?
I head back inside and stand at the doorway looking at everyone. How am I going to explain what happened to my brothers to mom? How about Joyce’s parents? Tony’s parents? I cant. I go into the kitchen and find as much liquor as I can. I pour it all over the place, especially on the bodies. I grab a sheet of paper and set it on fire. I walk around touching it to everything. I don’t grab any clothes or possessions. I need to get out of here and find that guy.
“Goodbye” I say as I set everyone on fire. “I don’t know what else to do.”
I leave and begin walking. By the time I’m at the end of the street I can see the flames covering my entire home. People are coming out of their houses now.
Where do I even start looking for this guy?
My cell rings.
“Hello?” I ask. I don’t recognize the number.
“Oh, you made it out. That is a pretty big fire!”
It’s him! I spin around looking for him.
“I almost fell asleep waiting for you to come out. Cant believe you set them all on fire. You are a lunatic. Since you went through all that effort wasting your fine liquor I should give you a gift.”
He knows how I set the fire. He was watching me.
“Check the mailbox at the end of the street. Underneath I left something for you. You can do whatever you choose with it. Either way maybe it will motivate you in your quest for revenge. Maybe you’ll make it further than the others.”
“You’ve done this before?” I ask him.
“You are funny. Did I look like I didn’t know what I was doing? I left no evidence. Listen to my voice. I have no accent. You cant tell where I come from. Can you describe my face? How about my height? You were seated around me. You were disorientated. How about my hair? Do you remember the color? You idiot. Of course I’ve done this before!”
He’s really upset that I made him sound like an amateur. Something to use against him.
“Good job. I rarely lose my patience. Go get the package. Let me know what you think. I’ll call you soon and we can discuss your present and how it will affect your future. Play on words. Love it.”
He gets off the line. I walk over to the mailbox he mentioned and pick it up. I’m pretty sure its not a bomb. This guy is having too much fun with me to kill me like that. If Joyce had survived I wonder what she would have done. Would she have burned me? Called the cops? Guess I’ll never know. I shake the box a bit. Whatever’s in here isn’t heavy. I sit down on the curb and use my key to cut the wrapping. It’s a very plain box. I open and it drop it immediately. My cell rings.
“You like?”
“You sick motherfucker!” I hiss. People are on their lawns and watching my house burn a bit a ways. I don’t need to draw attention to myself right now. “What the fuck is this?!” He starts laughing.
“Your woman named him Michael. After your dad. She aborted him about eight months ago. Look at him. Does he have your eyes? I think he does. Most women would never think of aborting a child after three months but she wasn’t sure you were ready to be a father. You know with work and all. You are such a busy man! You really should pick that up. You don’t want anyone spotting him in the gutter.”
I stand and kick it into a storm drain.
“Hardcore. I really did a number on you. That was just a little something I got for you. Your woman was really excited about being pregnant. She thought it would slow you down a bit. She saw that it wasn’t and chose to drop it like it was hot as they say.”
“I’m going to kill you” I promise him.
“I never get tired of hearing that. I have to get home. My wife is making tuna casserole and I love tuna casserole. There is nothing like that love of a good woman. It feels great after a hard days work to come home to a beautiful woman and a nice meal. A little sex afterwards. You know what I mean? Oh. Right. Your woman is barbequing right now. Talk to you later.”
I had a son…
I walk in circles until its dark out. This guy keeps calling but I don’t answer. Eventually I check my messages and he’s left twenty of them. I’ll get to them later. I’m too busy pretending that I’m looking for him when in fact I have no idea where to even begin.
“Hello!”
I look up and see a co-worker. His name is Ron.
“I’ve been calling your name for half a block. I heard about what happened to your place. I’m so sorry, man. If there’s anything I can…”
“Do you have a gun?” I ask him. He looks at me. “Yes or no?”
“I know its bad but that’s not the answer” he tells me. He places his hand on my shoulder and I slap it away.
“If you don’t have a gun then leave me alone” I say and keep walking.
“So will you be out tomorrow?” he asks. I stop and take a deep breath.
“Yes” I say.
I keep walking until I realize how hungry I am. I stop at a fast food joint me and Joyce would go to every summer. We met here in high school. I eat and wash up in the restroom. I try to avoid looking in the mirror. I know that I probably look the same but I don’t want to see the look that has to be in my eyes. I assume it’s the same look guys that have been in battle have.
“Hurry up in there!”
Someone is pounding on the door.
“Out in a second!” I shout. They keep pounding.
“Hey, asshole! You wanna wash your balls do it at home!” he says.
I open the door and snatch him inside. He reaches for my face and I grab his fingers and twist them until I hear a pop. He starts to scream and I torque his arm until he bends down. I smash him in the mouth with my knee. He goes limp. I start hitting him while sitting on his chest. He gurgles. I don’t stop until he doesn’t look human anymore. What made me do this? I cant blame that guy. He didn’t egg me on. This guy I’m sitting on didn’t kill my girl, brothers, or best friend. Girl? Does Joyce not have a name anymore?
“What’s going on in there?” someone asks.
“I’ll be right out” I say. I take this guy and shove him behind the door. I wash my hands and rush out.
My phone rings.
I answer.
“Don’t you like me anymore? After all we’ve been through I thought we had bonded. I call and I call and you just don’t answer. Now I know what your fiancé felt like! My wife asked what was wrong with me and I told her it felt like I was losing my best friend. So what have you been up to?”
“Hunting” I say.
“From the looks of it I’d say you weren’t just hunting. You were killing. Have I pushed you over the edge that easily? I don’t think so. What you are doing is waking up. We should hang out.”
“I’m still going to kill you” I say. “Why don’t you come on out?” I ask him while I look around at the cars in the parking lot, hoping I spot him.
“Don’t waste your time. You wont see me unless I want you to. Hold on. I am taking pictures of what you did to this poor guy. Sheesh. You really did a number on him…”
I run back into the restaurant and everyone is gathered around the bathroom. They all look at me. Three people are already on their cells calling the police. I rush out into the parking lot.
“…oh you are too easy! Did you really think I would eat in a place like that? I have taste. If you really want to find me you’ll have to try a little harder. Wandering around the city and eating high cholesterol food will not get the job done. Don’t let your loved ones have died in vain. I love talking like that. Want to see something funny?”
“No” I say as I run towards traffic.
“Too bad because here it is.”
He hangs up.
Something wet hits my chest as a car peels down the street. I look down and a scream gets stuck in my throat. I cant breathe. I fall to my knees. How did he find her? I’m looking into Joyce’s sister Mary’s dead eyes. Her face is frozen in a terrifying scream. I cant even imagine how he killed her but it had to be painful.
My cell rings.
“She did not want to die. She cried when I told her about you shooting her sister. See what happens when you dawdle? While you were walking the streets moping I went to your would-have-been-sister-in-law and cut her head off. I wish I could’ve been there when her husband showed up. Did you fuck her while they were married? Yeah, you did. You ol’ hound dog. Listen here. The longer you take the more gifts you get. So you had better hurry up. Tootles!”
What did that car look like?
I run until I collapse on someone’s lawn and vomit. Everything is starting to hit me. I guess it’s a good sign. It means I haven’t lost all of my humanity. I wipe my mouth and find a lawn sprinkler to rinse my mouth in. I look up and a kid holding a popsicle is staring at me.
“Mommy!!!”
A lady that looks to be a few years older than me rushes out of the front door and spots me. She starts screaming. An instinct kicks in to shut her up. Permanently. I stumble back into a bush and see my shirt. No wonder they are screaming. I am covered in blood. How did I make it this far without anyone stopping me?
“Police!” she screams. “Honey, get out here!!!”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone” I say. “Just calm down.”
Someone tackles me from behind just as I stand. I land face down in the mud. I hit my chest on a rock. This guy rolls me over and his eyes widen. I’m sure mine do as well. I reach up and grab his throat. He throws a forearm against my cheek. I see little stars in my eyes. He leans in close while I’m dazed.
“How did you find me?”
Its him.
“Honey, call the police!” his wife shouts.
“I am the police! Go inside. Now! I’ve got this!”
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