Saturday, December 8, 2018

Hair Dye Turns Girl Into Garbage Pail Kid


Doing your hair at home. It always sounds like a good idea. Do some highlights. Maybe a little trim. Next thing you know you're leaving the house wearing a hat because you fucked yourself up. This 19 year old from Paris named Estelle decided to dye her hair at home and ended up looking like what she describes as a “light bulb head.” I prefer Garbage Pail Kid. You'll see. By the way, these are those kinda things that do not happen often or have these extreme results but folks like to panic so everyone is gonna be racing to their hair dyes to see if they contain anything that can turn you into the Toxic Avenger. She started with a patch test and left it on for half an hour. All seemed well so she put it all over her head even though the box says to wait 48 hours. That seems weird. Do you just walk around with this one colored spot or something? Either way, she could feel that something just ain't right like a Keith Sweat lyric (if you got that joke marry me) and took some pills and anti-itch shit and immediately rushed to the hospital.

Kidding. She went to bed. 

When she woke up her whole head was fucked. The chemical that got her is known as PPD (paraphenylenediamine) that can cause some reactions in folks. Like her. She rolled that shit hand of the dice and turned into Large Marge. “I could not breathe. I had a lightbulb head. Before arriving at the hospital, you just don't know how long it will take for you to suffocate, if you have the time to get to the hospital or not.” Personally, I would not have even been able to go to sleep with my head feeling like shit. I have lived with Black women who had the shittiest nights' sleep because of their perm, braids, or new weave. Not from pain so much as not wanting to mess it up.

“I pretty much laugh at myself because of the incredible shape of my head” she said after not dying. Some reports say that side effects like redness, blistering, and itching can happen. As well as renal and respiratory failure. Fuck that. Estelle added that she wants more hair dye companies to be more explanatory with side effects. “ I want the companies who sell these products to make their warning more clear and more visible.” How?! I'm sure there are warnings. Almost anything you come in contact can kill you somehow. I was at Home Depot the other day. That entire place is a death trap to me because of that goddamn Equalizer movie. You ever look at a rake? I mean really look at a rake?

I think the closest situation I've had to an allergic reaction was that Magic Shave shit. I tried the powder over ten years ago and it made me smell like my face was permed so I never used it again. Years later I tried out the lotion version. Face I got the sensitive skin type because my skin is sensitive as fuck. It smelled like my face had a perm a few days ago but was not as bad as the powder. But...the shit felt like my face was on fire. I wiped it off and rinsed my face and had to go to work. I didn't even need to use the shit because I shave once a week and my facial hair grows slower than my dick in church. I went to work with my face all shiny and bruised looking and making sure no one saw me all night. I got home after work and put ice on my face and Neosporin and just let my skin heal. It was horrible. What I didn't do was go to sleep. If I ever woke up with my face looking like a pancake I would not take a single picture. I'd gasp, shit a little, and then put some ice on it.

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