Up in Alaska a hiker got mauled by a grizzly bear. That's not really news. It would be news if the story said that a guy was not mauled by a grizzly bear. If cartoons have taught me anything growing up it is that bears are assholes. They are what dogs would be if you left them in the wild for a few days. Right? Maybe I'm getting my evolutions mixed up. Either way bears are assholes. Just “big for no good reason” as my Grandmama used to say. Like that kid in school that was 11 but looked 23 that got called Baby Huey.
Now I know there are people that say things like “The bears were here first and we're on their land!” Hey, that shit didn't work with Native Americans and it sure as hell isn't gonna work with natures bouncer, the bear.
The report says that dude was taking pictures of the bear for at least eight minutes before shit got real. That's a lot of damned time to be dancing on a mine field. They checked his camera and none of the shots showed the bear acting like it wanted a Manwich. If we're not safe from taking unwanted pictures of humans, how is it safe in nature?
