Fuck nature. Just when I think its done more than enough to make me want to stay away from it I go and find out some shit like this. The Brazilian Wandering Spider of the genus Phoneutria which is Greek for “murderess”, no I am not making that up, gets to be about 4 to 5 inches long and lives just to fuck with people. I asked an actual Brazilian about this thing and his reaction was like “Yeah. So.” He knew this existed and did nothing about it! There's a reason why I hate this thing so much and I'll get to that. Let's learn more about the enemy first.
Found in Brazil which comes a distant second to Australia in terms of things that kill for funsies, this thing got its name because it wanders the jungle floors at night instead of building beautiful webs we can see and avoid. “Oh, there's a spiderweb. I know not to go that way. Thanks, predictable nature!” Nope. This fucker walks around on the ground waiting to do something truly horrible...which I will get to. It is also known to hide under fallen logs, dark moist places, and near where humans live.
