A few years back I did one of those
programs where you make a wish for sick kids. I had no desire to do
it. I think they are depressing as hell and I am all about not being
around sick people let alone kids because even when kids aren't sick
they have the potential to get sick at any moment. They're like germ
minefields. But after being guilted into it by Ronica and Zazz I
finally decided to grace a bunch of sick kids with my presence.
“It'll be good for you” Ronica
said. “It will make you appreciate your health more.”
“Who says I don't appreciate my
health now?” I asked her. “I'm always telling people how good I
feel.”
“That's because you're a cocky
superhero” Zazz added. “Most people can't fly and are not bullet
proof.”
“Well, that sucks to be them” I
told them. “Not my fault everyone isn't as cool as me.”
“It doesn't help you remind us of
that every single day” Zazz says. Hater.
“If I don't remind you every single
day then how will you remember?” I ask. “It's like when we were
little and I had to teach you how to wipe yourself every time you
went to the bathroom.”
“He did that?” Ronica asked Zazz.
“Don't you have somebody to save?”
Zazz asked me, trying to change the subject.
“Oh, it was bad, Ronnie” I said.
“His family raised him like an animal. Zazz would only brush his
teeth when it got so bad that his teeth stuck together. He would
squeal like a pig when he had to take a bath. One time he had a
mustard stain on his chin for an entire week.”
“It wasn't a week…”
“Yes it was” I say. “I know it
was a week because Tuesdays were hotdog Tuesdays and you got it on your face and
then still had it on your face seven days later.”
“What does this have to do with
anything?” Zazz asked.
“It proves that I have been
charitable to children since I was a child myself” I say. Point.
Me. “Enough of this talk! It's time to make some sad ass dying kids
smile!”
