Baby's got dust on his diamond! 52 year
old Roberto Esquivel Cabrera of Mexico is now in the World Record
Academy for having the world's biggest penis. Just how big is it?
18.9 inches. That is almost as tall as four damned soda cans! This
shit is scary! That's like taking my penis and adding 18.8 inches.
Guinness are a bunch of no funners so they don't have a category for
this type of thing, but its undeniable so someone had to give the
poor bastard something. I mean poor in a literal sense because dude
can't get any work because of the hog between his legs. He can't even
get no love from the ladies because they are afraid but I'm not sure you'd really want a
woman that could take that much man meat.
“Look where it is, it goes far below
the knees. I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am disabled so
I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me
support” he said in between deep breaths since so much oxygen is
needed just to supply blood to his dick. I totally made that last
part up but it could be true. He says he has no friends and people
don't want to talk to him. What a bunch of assholes. Its not like
he's that dude that had the 200 pound ball sack. He probably walks
funny but its not like he is just tripping people with his shit.
Since being deported from the U.S based
purely off of jealousy Roberto has been living off of assistance and
looking through garbage. Before he record was made official they took
this x-ray to make sure things were on the up and up. See what I did
there?
A shaft reduction has been considered but he hasn't made a
decision about that yet. I wonder what they could even do that would
still make it work. Its not like its a pencil where you can cut it
in half and its still usable.
The last guy to have the biggest baby
maker was this goober named Johan Falcon who had one that was 13.38
inches long. He is the one that should be upset. I think I would
rather be the guy that is miserable with the world's biggest penis
than the second guy with the world's biggest penis. This goes along
with my whole all or nothing attitude. I wonder why this wasn't discovered sooner. I doubt it got to its size overnight. I'm sure there was a point, maybe 12 inches where this was the coolest thing on Earth. But once you get past that it must get terrifying...for most. I would use it as my calling card. You would know how big my junk was before my last name.
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