We Have A New Champion Of Penis

Baby's got dust on his diamond! 52 year old Roberto Esquivel Cabrera of Mexico is now in the World Record Academy for having the world's biggest penis. Just how big is it? 18.9 inches. That is almost as tall as four damned soda cans! This shit is scary! That's like taking my penis and adding 18.8 inches. 

Guinness are a bunch of no funners so they don't have a category for this type of thing, but its undeniable so someone had to give the poor bastard something. I mean poor in a literal sense because dude can't get any work because of the hog between his legs. He can't even get no love from the ladies because they are afraid but I'm not sure you'd really want a woman that could take that much man meat.

“Look where it is, it goes far below the knees. I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support” he said in between deep breaths since so much oxygen is needed just to supply blood to his dick. I totally made that last part up but it could be true. He says he has no friends and people don't want to talk to him. What a bunch of assholes. Its not like he's that dude that had the 200 pound ball sack. He probably walks funny but its not like he is just tripping people with his shit.

Camel Kills Over Coke

Miss Jackie sent me this story about a man that was murdered by a camel in Mexico. Now, the fact that a camel killed a human being is not shocking. Camels are assholes. “Ooh, look at me! I got back fat so I don't have to eat for a while!” Jerks. What I didn't know that camels were vengeful bastards. A 60 year old man from Chicago named Rick Mileski who owns an animal sanctuary of his own was kicked, bitten, and sat on by a camel. This, I believe, is the actual camel. Smug ass. It is being said that on this faithful day that Mileski did not give this camel a Coke, which he normally did, the camel wasn't having that shit and went boots to asses on him. The rescuers had to use a truck with a rope tied to it to even pull the damned thing off of Mileski. His animal park has been closed down and all the wild ass animals removed until an investigation is done. I don't know what's to investigate. Don't fuck with folks Coke.