Monday, November 13, 2017

KIds These Days 74

Kids these days are missing out on some great candy. Specifically bubble gum. When I was little I would always have something sweet in my mouth which is why my teeth were weak as green tea and rotted away or were easily knocked out. Dubble Bubble probably accounted for 30% of my tooth rot. These were cheap as hell and available anywhere. If you had a quarter which was hard to come by unless Grandmama was feeling generous you had five pieces and these things would last forever. I would chew these all day and fall asleep with a wad in my mouth and wake up looking like a spider had its way with my face. I would even take the wad out and stick it in my headboard and wake up and pop it in my mouth. Dental care, schmental care. I love chewing this cheap shit. Open up that package, lick some of that dust off (whatever the hell that was), and get to chewing for the next eight hours. Do kids even chew gum anymore? Like regular ass gum?

Hot Dog Bubblegum was not one of my favorites but for some reason I would end up with these tiny dicks in my mouth. They weren't hot or anything and the flavor went away faster than a Black father but I still liked them. You know that disgusting Fireball drink that folks like? They tasted kinda like that but without the horrible aftertaste and questionable sex. They had a slightly crunchy outside and suddenly cinnamon was forced into your mouth. These were not one of the cheaper gums so I didn't get it too often.

This shit right here. This shit right here! Hubba Bubble Bubble Jug is one of those candies that in hindsight likely shaved a few years off of my life. Who knows how much gum dust I inhaled as a kid? Doesn't matter. I miss this weird shit. I have not had this in over 30's years and that's probably a good thing because knowing my dumb ass I would just dump the whole jug into my mouth and surely breathe some of it. Sadly, thinking about it I kinda wanna pour some gum dust into my mouth right now and let it solidify in my mouth until it is chew-able. I think I just described what I want to do to my next girlfriend.

Click here for previous Kids These Days Posts.

No comments: