The thing that I don't like about the
outdoors is that nature is always hiding some weird shit from me.
Like this thing. It's called the Patagonian mara. For sure pick a
species. For sure you're a dog. For sure you're a rabbit. Either way
my ass is not going near this. It looks shifty. Like it could either
twitch its nose at you wanting some lettuce or start barking at your
ass. Definitely bark.
It can get two and a half feet big and weigh 35
pounds. Fuck that. It only has four digits on its front paws and
three on the back because nature likes funsies as much as the next
guy. Look at them legs. It's not structurally sound. If the mara was
a building I'd be afraid to go in it. Now I wanna know what sounds
this creature makes. If it doesn't bark its just pretending for the
cameras. I wrote about this freak a while ago.
Good morning, hell beast. How are you
doing, HP Lovecraft? This thing is called an Ocean Sunfish which is
too nice of a name for something that looks like it eats smaller,
uglier fish. It is also called a Mola Mola which is likely the sound
it makes. It can weigh between 545 and 2,205 pounds. That is some
bullshit.
They eat mostly jellyfish and have a shitty diet so they
have to eat a lot of jellyfish to maintain their unholy weight. The
chicks can lay up to 300,000,000 million eggs at a time which are a
tenth of an inch when they hatch and will grow a million times their
weight by the time they are an adult. About about a million I mean 60
million. Think about that for a second. Actually, no. Don't. Its too
much math. These things can be eaten but I don't eat ugly things.
Except that one girl but I was in my 20's and in a strange place in
my life...
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Nature.
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