Grown Ass Man Tips: Being Present

When I am out in the public I notice something that is getting worse with each passing year and that is being present. One definition of it is “having your focus, your attention, your thoughts and feelings all fixed on the task at hand. If you are speaking to somebody, then your attention and energy is focused on him or her and what he or she is saying.” I know this is about giving grown ass men some tips but this applies to everyone. I see people walking down the street having a conversation and texting at the same time. I have talked to people on the phone and hear them texting and saying “Uh-huh” or laughing when nothing funny was said by me because they aren't really paying attention. 

I get it. Being present is hard when there are so many distractions all over the place. But the better you are at being present the more quality time you'll have with people. Know why I'm not constantly snapping pictures when I'm out with friends? Because we're talking and I am able to recall everything we did. I actually have a thought that when I see a lot of pictures taken during a vacation the less fun is being had and the less time you're spending being present.

When I first used a float tank I was super not present. My mind was thinking “This is so nuts I can't wait to tell my friends about this and then I will write about this and try to explain to people how it feels to be in this and...” Then I realized that I was not even close to being present. I was already out the tank, on the bus, and at home writing about an experience I was currently having. It was only after a few trips that I was able to soak into the experience and truly be present. It is hard to be present a lot of times because what you're doing is not interesting. The best thing to do is not be in situations where this is a thing. Stop being places you don't want to be and doing things you don't want to do.

Another case of not being present that has been bothering me is parents. I know that work sucks and is hard and takes up the best parts of the day but it is so damned important for kids to know their parents give a damn about them. “I feed them I clothed them. I make sure they are safe. That is being present!” Eh...is it though? I am damn near 40 and don't need more than one hand to count the amount of actual genuine conversations I've had with both my parents. Know what I take from that? That didn't care to. There is a difference between asking your kid how their day went and hoping they talk fast so you can eat, sleep, or drink and sitting down with them and actually listening to them talk about the strange shit kids talk about.

When I am sitting here at home and doing three things at once I know that one thing will suffer. Maybe two. Being present is something that is not a magic trick. Like most things that are good for you it'll take a lot of time, practice, and work. One strange side effect of being truly present when with someone is that they may not know how to react when you aren't checking your phone every five seconds and responding to things they say and being invested in what they are saying.

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