Man Raped By Fake Romanian Angelina Jolie

A terrifying monster claiming to be an Angelina Jolie look alike was arrested for the rape and stabbing of a man in Romania. Luminita Perijoc, 31, said in court that she was on medication when she committed this shit. By the way, Erf. Be careful because “I am on medication” or “I forgot to take my medication” is the new “I was drunk and can't be held responsible for my actions.” The victim, Nicolae Stan, also 31, a cab driver was delivering wine to her home when she held him at knife point. Hmm. Sounds fishy. This all occurred in 2012 but just now wrapped up because everyone in that country is a vampire and night court moves slowly. It's all “Your honor, bleh!” this and “I object, bleh!” that. Stan showed up at Luminita's place when she whipped a four inch blade on him. I whipped a four inch blade on a girl once. She laughed at me. And by blade I mean my dick. And by my dick I mean this never happened.

So she undressed him and demanded that he go down on her. And by go down on her I mean oral sex. And by oral sex I mean he was forced fed poontang pie. I don't know about you but I am cracking myself up writing this. Anyhoot, after she got her rocks off she forced him to bone her two times. He couldn't get it up for a third session so she got made and stabbed him a few times. Listen, ladies. Not to sound crude or anything but the dick don't always work that way. Just because you're hot and even when we want to have the sex, that doesn't mean its gonna always get up. I have heard so many women say “No man has ever had a problem getting it up for me!” Read about my wangs adventures here! 

Good for you because the day it happens (and believe me, it will) you will cry tears of confusion and rage. Its science. Maybe he needed to rest a minute. Lucretia McEvil wasn't having none of that and Stan escaped to the bathroom where he was able to call police.