Five Things I Learned Working At Pet Stores

I’ve worked at some strange places doing strange things. Whenever I have an interview where I am asked “How do you handle stress?” or “What do you do if you have to refuse someone service?” I just laugh inside…and then lie to their face knowing my ass would do the complete opposite of what I tell them. Hey, a man needs money to live, okay?

I’ve worked at two pet stores in my life. Petco when it was on Melrose and a shitty ass one on Venice Blvd. that I wont name because fuck you. I really hated that job. I’ve had jobs that I flat out didn’t like but could still do it without looking obviously miserable but the pet store was not that job. Here’s a list of five things I learned while working at them.

Rosscast Episode 250: I Teach The Internets

In this episode I break format and take it old school style and just rambling about things that are on my mind like the L.A Riots being almost 20 years ago, Black people hating bees, getting rid of porn, fighting wolves, saving yourself for a special someone, and a new blog started by me and Camille called rocketsandchicken.blogspot.com. Click here to download this episode and here for past Rosscasts.

Dante vs. Nature 4

People keep thinking that I’m joking when I say nature hates me as much as I hate it. This week I battled a grasshopper. Maybe it was a cricket. I don’t give a damn. It had a top hat on and was killed immediately. Then a moth the size of a child’s imagination attacked me while watching TV. So imagine me in Africa. That is never happening. I have no desire to visit the Motherland. I’m part Native American anyway so I’m already home.

Cape Buffalo. “The African buffalo is a very robust species. Its shoulder height can range from 3.3 to 5.6 ft and its head-and-body length can range from 5.6 to 11 ft. Savannah type buffaloes weigh 1,100 to 2,000 lbs., with males, normally larger than females. The horns of African buffalo are very peculiar. A characteristic feature of them is the fact that the adult bull's horns have fused bases, forming a continuous bone shield referred to as a ‘boss,’ which can not always be penetrated even by a rifle bullet.”

Rosscast Episode 186: Elephant Knuckles Taste Like Chicken

In this all over the place ass episode I talk about TI getting arrested again, Kat Von D dating Jesse James, a fight at the US Open, why you shouldn’t slap strangers, phone books being useless, animals, why the entire continent of Australia scares me, face book etiquette, and what animals I would love to eat. Click here to download this episode and older ones. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 119: The Book Of Dante

Rosscast Episode 119

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about okcupid experiments, kids, teen drama sites, people treating pets better than humans, and Claire from "Heroes" dating old ass men. Click here to download the old way or to subscribe with iTunes click here. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 23: Oh, Shut Up!

In this episode I talk about why everyone needs to get off Obama's case, why I can't stand PETA or crazy animal lovers, and when there is a "women and children first!" situation, you can bet that I will shove women and children out of the way and get on that boat. Enjoy!

Another Reason Not To Go To Austrailia

CANBERRA, Australia – When a dark intruder smashed through his bedroom window and repeatedly bounced on his bed, Beat Ettlin at first was relieved to discover it was a kangaroo. "My initial thought when I was half awake was, 'It's a lunatic ninja coming through the window,'" the 42-year-old told The Associated Press on Monday. "It seems about as likely as a kangaroo breaking in."

But his relief was short-lived. As Ettlin cowered beneath the sheets with his wife and 9-year-old daughter at 2 a.m. Sunday, the frantic kangaroo bounded into the bedroom of his 10-year-old son Leighton Beman, who screamed, "There's a 'roo in my room!"

"I thought, 'This can be really dangerous for the whole family now,'" Ettlin said.

The ordeal played out over a few minutes in the family's house in Garran, an upmarket suburb in the leafy national capital of Canberra.

Ettlin, a chef originally from the Swiss city of Stans, said he jumped the 90 pound (40 kilogram) marsupial from behind and pinned it to the floor. He grabbed it in a headlock and wrestled the trashing and bleeding intruder into a hallway, toward the front door.

He used a single, fumbling hand to open the front door and shoved the kangaroo into the night.

"I had just my Bonds undies on. I felt vulnerable," he said, referring to a popular Australian underwear brand.

I am still laughing even as I write this at the “lunatic ninja” line! Between this and that crazy ass monkey attack a few weeks back I’m starting to wonder if we shouldn’t get the jump on these animals. Here’s my plan.

I’m gonna head into a forest. Like, deep into the forest. I’m gonna just stand there and howl, growl, and shout. I want the biggest, meanest ass bear to come out of the bushes. I’m gonna be in his face like, “What? Say sumthin’.” And it wont because, it’s, like, a bear and everything. But it will growl. And I’ll just stand there like, “Whatever, dude” and punch it in the neck. They don’t like that. Next thing you know, I got a new jacket and feel even more manly.

Rockets.