I hate ants. I know that people say that hate is a strong word and shouldn’t be used a lot but fuck that I hate ants. I don’t have a fear of them. No insect scares me like “Ah, spiders!” I’ve killed plenty of spiders for ex girlfriends along with hopes of marriage and children. Ants are dicks. They ruin picnics and send spies to search for shit. You see one ant in your house know that there are thousands waiting for a progress report from him. “Oh, this fool got sugar all over the counter!” Once when I was little I was swarmed by a bunch of these little dicks.
I was standing in the backyard and looked down and there was one on my leg. I thumped it off and stood there. I don’t even remember what the hell I was doing in the backyard. Maybe staring at the sun. Next thing I know I feel another one and go to swat it into oblivion when I see hundreds of them all over my pants. I ran into the house and jumped into the shower with my clothes on. I had the heebie jeebies for the rest of the day. Everything that lightly touched me became an ant. Then there’s red ants. Fuck those, too.
