Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Dante Vs. Nature 71

One of the reasons I am glad that I do these blogs other than the fact that it keeps me indoors is that I find out some interesting things about nature. And by interesting I mean terrifying. I just read a story about a guy in Texas that tried to shoot an armadillo. Yes. I said tried. It is reported that around 3am, which is the bitching hour, dude saw an armadillo in his yard and decided that it didn't belong there. So he took three shots at the damned thing.

One of the bullets bounced off the armadillo and hit his dumb ass in the jaw. He had to be airlifted to a hospital and had his mouth wired shut. I'm sure his wife who was inside is full of all the shame. A sheriff stated “We didn't find the armadillo” which means that there is a goddamn bulletproof armadillo running around the streets of Texas! I think if I saw an armadillo I would wait for it to curl into a ball. If it didn't I'd just shrug and walk away. Sure as fuck wouldn't take a shot at it.

Then I found some other story about armadillos causing leprosy. Unclean! Unclean! In Florida state officials found nine people that had leprosy and told them to avoid contact with these bulletproof, disease carrying creatures. Turns out that Florida gets about ten of these cases a year. Leprosy isn't as fatal as it used to be if you get it taken care of in time. You don't have to, like, move into a village with other raggedy ass lepers like back in the day. Turns out that other than humans only armadillos can carry the virus that causes leprosy because sometimes god does things for LOL's the same way the platypus was created for JK's.

Click here for previous Dante Vs Nature.

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