Dude, What The F**k?! 9

19 year old Notre Dame student Brian McCurren seems to believe that if you're gonna go berserk, then you don't half ass it. Kinda like how I say if you're gonna do something stupid, do it fast; this guy thinks if you're gonna act a fool act a complete ass. He was arrested for breaking into a massage spot, eating a shit ton of food, and of course causing a fire. Surprisingly...not from Florida.

Pictured: foodie.

Brian used a flower pot and used it to smash his way into a massage parlor called Therapeutic Indulgence. Then not being done causing a ruckus he used a hammer to make a hole big enough to get his crazy ass through. He made his way into the kitchen where he ate half a box of Hot Pockets and passed out eating Drumsticks ice cream while heating up some mac and cheese in the microwave. Cops found his dumb ass passed out at the table. The mac and cheese set off fire alarms which is why police showed up. But Brian like any good Tasmanian Devil slept through the whole thing. Poor little thing was tuckered out.

Kids These Days 34

Every once in a while I will see a news story and pause thinking that I am just not reading it right. Like, it can't say what it looks like it says because if it does that means that I'm not building my spaceship fast enough to get the fuck off of this planet. There's this kid, 18, who goes by the name VersacePockets who has been banned from Vine because of his fuckery.

He was dared to have sex with a Hot Pocket and decided that he would. On the video you can see his face perfectly well even though he wants to remain anonymous. He has had the sex with other food but his antics with Hot Pockets got his ass blocked by that company's Twitter page as well as Twitter and Vine. “I just thought it was so fuckin' funny” he said in an interview on First We Feast. Thank god this shit didn't exist while I was growing up.

He took the tag line literally.

“I tried doing it without a condom and it was just, like, way too hot. I put it in the fridge for a little bit and I was like, 'Dude, I'm gonna have to use a condom if I'm gonna actually stick my dick in the whole Hot Pocket.'” The worst part about this crap is that he works around food. I personally don't want to know that the kid making my food spends his free time fucking it and posting videos and pictures of it.