Dante Vs. Nature 63

I saw this story and laughed my ass off. I thought it was fake but triple checked and this shit is way true and proof that nature is a bitch with a bad sense of humor. This Chicago alderman named Howard Brookins Jr. has been very vocal about the squirrels in the city ruining the garbage cans and costing the city money but damaging the trash lids. One of the squirrels wasn't having that shit anymore and decided to take one for the team by launching its crazy little ass into his bike spokes while he was riding. I'm not kidding. Its in that picture all up in the spokes.

Brookins ended up with a broken nose, knocked out teeth, and fractured skull after he ended up flipping over the handlebars. I've done that shit before but I was a little kid. Not a grown ass man. And certainly not attacked by a woodland creature. Someone called 911 for him likely after calming down from laughing. “I can think of no other reason for this squirrel's actions than that it was like a suicide bomber, getting revenge.” I would say he sounded like a lying liar who lies but there is too much evidence that this squirrel was out for blood.

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Camel Kills Over Coke

Miss Jackie sent me this story about a man that was murdered by a camel in Mexico. Now, the fact that a camel killed a human being is not shocking. Camels are assholes. “Ooh, look at me! I got back fat so I don't have to eat for a while!” Jerks. What I didn't know that camels were vengeful bastards. A 60 year old man from Chicago named Rick Mileski who owns an animal sanctuary of his own was kicked, bitten, and sat on by a camel. This, I believe, is the actual camel. Smug ass. It is being said that on this faithful day that Mileski did not give this camel a Coke, which he normally did, the camel wasn't having that shit and went boots to asses on him. The rescuers had to use a truck with a rope tied to it to even pull the damned thing off of Mileski. His animal park has been closed down and all the wild ass animals removed until an investigation is done. I don't know what's to investigate. Don't fuck with folks Coke.