Kids These Days 58

You can find an asshole anywhere, even in a daycare center. Two women, 22 year old Erica Kenny of Cranford, NJ and 28 year old Chanese White of Roselle, NJ were both charged with fourth-degree child abuse after staging fights between children at the Lightbridge Academy Daycare and even being dumb enough to film some of them because we can not do a single thing (sex, child birth, concerts, eating) without filming it. When Cam sent me this story I immediately thought these people needed to be hurt and assumed someone recorded it. The school does have those cameras where parents can check up on their kids but no cameras are on the playground where the fights took place. As a former child I can tell you for a fact that the most violence took place on the playground.

As far as they know one fight took place in August. Kenny is the one that filmed the fight on her phone and posted it to Snapchat because she is stupid and thinks that because videos disappear from the site that no one can record them. In the video she encourages the kids to fight each other and even references the movie Fight Club which is stupid because if anyone in Fight Club had a camera they would have been beaten to death.

Man Burns Face Praying

An idiot named Hiram Jimenez in Westhampton, New Jersey tried to sue Applebee's because he burned himself in the face parts while praying before his meal. Thankfully the court ruled that he can't see the restaurant. In March of 2010 (so soon?!) when the meal was brought to him he bowed his head to pray and says he heard “a loud sizzling noise, followed by 'a pop noise' and then felt a burning sensation in his left eye and on his face.” Jackass. 

Jimenez said that the waitress did not warn him that the food was hot. Yeah. Read that again and let the dumb sink into your bones. The restaurant says they weren't responsible for warning customers “against a danger that is open and obvious.” I hate these kind of lawsuits. Why would you bow your head that low over a sizzling skillet of food? Its that thing people do now where they do something stupid and embarrasses themselves and instead of just taking that as a lesson not to dip your head in hot shit they get mad at their own stupidity and try to get paid for it. I say bathe him in fajitas. Sizzling fajitas. 

Mother Gets As Beaten By Another Mother On Tape

Latia Harris aka Alima Zawjatul Abdul Sabur, 25 years old, of New Jersey is on the run after whipping the ass of a former coworker of hers at McDonald's. Catherine Ferreira, 27, allegedly came by for a visit after accusing Latia of sleeping with one of the managers. Before the attack Latia had called Catherine telling her that the rumors about her sleeping with the manager could get her ass fired and that she was upset. Now, this ass kicking, at least to me, was very predictable. You say things like that about someone, true or not, chances are you're gonna get jumped. And Catherine was indeed jumped. There is video of this attack because that's the world we live in. While in her McDonald's uniform Latia had Catherine on the ground and was wailing on her as Catherine's 2 year old son watched and tried to help by kicking Latia in the leg, which of course did nothing. After beating her up Latia spit on Catherine and told people recording not to post the video online because yeah right.

So likely moments later it was posted online and cops are looking for Latia who has managed to vanish with her two kids. Yes, of course, she has kids. So now we have a 25 year old mother with two kids on the run after assaulting someone who is charged with terrorists threats because she threatened to shoot Catherine as well as aggravated assault which are both felonies and her bail even though she isn't in custody will be $35,000 fighting another mother whose son had to watch the whole thing go down.

Dude, What The F**k?! 10

This chick in Dover, New Jersey met a guy online and went on a date. Apparently everything was fine until he stole her dog and television. Wait. What?! After heading back to her place she left him alone in a room while she did whatever it is girls do when they leave men alone like not pooping. Girls don't do that. She came back and her Yorkshire Terrier named Violet and TV was just gone. The TV was valued at $3,000 and her dog at $4,000. Police are looking for the dog and “Joel” which was the name he gave her. How does a dog cost that damned much? Is it one of those ones people buy at places instead of just going to a shelter where there are literally thousands of animals being killed all the time that they give away for free or for the cost of a hundred bucks or so? Either way, don't bring strangers to your home.

Meanwhile...

In Indiana one cop in particular is looking into a mirror every morning and wondering if he could get away with murder. Anthony J. Hopkins (I know, I know...) who is 27 was being arrested for a fight and tried to get away from police. They found his dumb ass in a crawl space and a police dog removed him hopefully with lots of teeth. After being caught he turned and spit on the cop hitting him in the mouth and eyes then saying “Fuck you, I hope you die. You know I have Hep C. I hope you get Hep C and give it to your wife and kids. Once I get out of here I'm going to kill you and your family.” While leading Hopkins up the stairs he struggled and they fell down the stairs. They do not know if he really has Hep C but they do know that he was driving while two times over the legal limit as well as charged with DWI, battery by bodily waste and intimidation, resisting law enforcement, and disorderly conduct. This is a time where I would want a partner that would look the other way. They wouldn't be able to pick up what was left of this asshole with a sponge.

Click here for previous Dude, What The F**k?! Posts.

Dude, What The F**k?! 2

Sometimes you just wanna strip butt booty ass naked in the middle of the street after crashing your car into a chicken joint and then masturbate. At least this 34 year old dude in Pennsauken, New Jersey did this past Monday. At 10:30am which is way too damned early to be at this level of crazy, I save mine until after noon, he crashed his car into a Crown Fried Chicken and then commenced to strip naked.

The police showed up because that's what they usually do when a car crashes and the driver, whose name hasn't been released, and he didn't have a shirt on. That is never a good sign by the way. If a guy is driving with no shirt on something bad just happened or something really bad is about to happen. So the cop asks dude to step out of the vehicle and could barely stand up. At this point if I'm a cop I reach for my taser because somebody is about to get an electric good morning.

Kentucky Fried Parenting

Some mother in New Jersey named Patricia Krentcil is in trouble for allegedly taking her 5 year old daughter into a tanning booth. Now, in NJ that shit is illegal until you’re 14 but this mother is like “Fuck law!” and wants her red haired child to get a tan. Do I even need to begin to say how dangerous that is for a red head?!

Nothing like a mother that looks like a Double-Down sandwich.

Krentcil says that, yes, she brought her daughter with her but that she didn’t get a sunburn from that since she is lying and saying she never let her use the tanning booth. “I tan, she doesn't tan” Krentcil said on NBC. “I’m in the booth, she’s in the room. That's all there is to it.” Lies! All lies! Especially seeing as how a teacher asked what happened after seeing scars on the girl and she said it was from tanning. Krentcil says it was from gardening.