Dante Vs. Nature 81

I went to a circus when I was about 10 or 11. Know what I thought? “Wow elephants are huge!” and “Wow elephants stink!” Circuses suck but at least the animals are doing things. Yeah, things they shouldn't be doing but they are doing things. You go to a zoo and the animals are asleep, invisible, or just staring at you wondering why you wasted sixty bucks to feed them grass. What the hell am I even talking about? Bears and circuses. This circus in Russia has bear performances and recently the bear remembered what it was and tried to eat this man like groceries. I watched the video and thought “Well...yeah.” The guy is walking behind the bear and the bear turns around like he said something about its mothers and takes him to the ground. Another guy jumps in and starts kicking the bear just like you're taught to do when a bear is attacking. 

Or just lay there and play dead. Yeah, that's it. Kick it until its calm or play dead until its tired of eating your booty.

If you've seen the video you'll see that there is no fencing around the tiny ass area where this happened. These people thought it was a good idea to go see a bear on a leash with no fence or anything around. Cool. The bear had a muzzle on so the guy didn't get eaten alive and is fine. That's like saying the opponent is fine because Mike Tyson was wearing boxing gloves. The bear and the trainer were both fired after this incident. How the fuck do you fire a bear? They say flash photography may have startled the bear setting it off. Yeah. I'm sure that's what happened. Or...its a bear on a leash in a room full of food. That's like locking me a See's factory after hours. Things are gonna be messy the next day. Next time someone invites you to see animals perform just don't go. Its never as fun as it looks on TV and you're only really going to see exactly what these people saw.

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Kids These Days 29

Remember when all you had to worry about was your kids getting high or worse stealing the pills that you thought you hid well? Now you have to worry about them using a drug called Krokodil. I first heard about this drug on a special and it was being used in Russia. Its one of those drugs where if you saw someone who used it regularly you'd ask yourself “Who in the fuck would ever do that?!” Well, the drug that is also known as the poor man's heroin is now in the US. A 17 year old girl from Houston, Texas was visiting relatives in Mexico when she went to a clinic because she was having “digestive problems.” I translate that into peeing out your ass.

Puerto Vallarta is making sure to point out that she didn't get the drug in Mexico, but brought the issue with her from the States. They don't know how she is doing because she never came back for a follow up because she's probably curled up in a ball watching her body parts fall off. That is a actual thing that happens when you use this shit. That is not an exaggeration. I have not included any pictures of the hundreds of people this has happened to. If you wanna Google that shit then by all means have fun. But you have been warned.