While You Were Sleeping: Jordan Edwards Shooting

Whenever there is any shooting of a Black person by police the first thing that is done is digging. Media outlets and bloggers who side with the police regardless of any information that has or has not been released will begin to see if their “side” is going to win another fight. Its stupid and never something I understand. People do the same thing with politics, religion, and their race. They want to know if someone who is now dead ever committed a crime, hit a woman, or owned a gun to justify why they are no longer breathing. Jordan Edwards is a 15 year old kid that was shot and killed by Officer Roy Oliver last Saturday in Balch Springs, Texas.

Dante's Double Standard Corner 1

Hello. This is my first and possibly last installment of what I am calling Dante's Double Standard Corner. Every logical human should know that there are double standards in the world and in some cases choose to disregard the fact that some work in your favor depending on your race, sex, or country of origin. Black dudes are said to have big dicks. Women get into clubs free on certain nights and get free drinks because...women. And you never headbutt a Samoan because they feel no pain there. Source: wrestling. You still with me? Good. Or not depending on how far you make it. In this post I am going to talk about a teacher that slept with a student. I have written dozens o posts about this and depending on how hot the teacher is I'll express varying ranges of jealousy, envy, or desire to time travel.

This story involves 27 year old (meaning too young to be a high school teacher because she was, like, just there) Sarah Fowlkes. As you can see, she is cute. Not cute as fuck which is a term I've been overusing lately, but cute. She taught biology at Lockhart High in Texas since 2014. Reports say she is facing 20 years of convicted which made me laugh so hard I fainted, bumped my head, and forgot what love was. She turned herself in and took that chipper ass mugshot. Oh, and she was arrested just after her birthday. So...yeah. I hate when bad things happen on special days so every year she is gonna look forward to this personal disappointment.

Sextortion

That is a totally new word now. Another day another teacher sleeping with a student. Now, in most of these cases its a female teacher with some kid that is living most young boys dreams. This time I actually feel kinda bad for the teacher. I know that is a silly thought but hear me out. This all took place in Texas at Raul Quintanilla Sr. Middle School where Thao “Sandy” Doan was the PE teacher. 

Of course she was the PE teacher. There is something about PE teachers and things just being off about them. You just kinda wait until they do something terrible. I know someone reading this is a PE teacher and getting mad...and sweating because they know I am not lying. You can admit it. You strange. Anyhoot, she and a 14 year old boy have been messing around for the past year and a half. She talked to him online and eventually had sex in a park in 2015. Ew. They then had sex a few more times late last year. 

I guess shit went sour at some point because the boy, who is now 15, started extorting Doan for money texting her things like “watch ima start getting the pics and everything ready...to show the cops right I anit playing.” Thank god she wasn't his spelling teacher because goddamn that grammar. Turns out he had gotten about $28,000 from her! She was arrested last week and posted bond and of course is on administrative leave. Every time I see some honked up story I wanna know how these kinda kids are made. Like, what super secret recipe of bullshit is required for a child to turn into this.

Newest Hot Teacher Alexandria Vera Arrested

Q. sent me this story. There is yet another hot teacher that has slept with a student. This post is written by Evil Dante. For those of you that don't know, Evil Dante will say things that regular boring ass Dante won't say...out loud. This is 24 year old Texas middle school teacher Alexandria Vera. Yes, 24 years old and teaching. I still say that you shouldn't be allowed to have children or teach before the age of 30. I mean, for society it makes sense but for a young boy having a 24 year old teacher would be the shit.

Anyhoot, she and the Boy Who Lived, The Man, Luckiest Guy Ever, My Hero, Baller, Lil Pimp, Lil Baller, The One, Goodyear Pimp, Fred Pimpstone, Ren & Pimpy, King of the Teachers, After School Special, Teachers Petter, Legend, Supercalifragiclicioushebesuchadopekid, The Chosen One, King of Everything, The Revenant, Three's Humpany, Diary of a Pimpy Kid, and He Who Has Sex With Teachers started their relationship at the start of the school year in 2015 and by January she was pregnant. That's right. Pregnant! She got an abortion after an investigation began but it was too little too late since folks were already in the know. I still applaud her decision. If she did anything right in her life it was that.

The boy is now 14 but that still doesn't make any of what they did legal. The boy flirted with her and asked for her number on Instagram. By the way, I should note that she is 24 with a 5 year old daughter. Yeah...there's that. She was an English teacher at Stovall Middle School in Houston (which I have written about because a teacher stripped for a student in class before!) before being arrested and posting $100,000 bail. Vera says that the boy missed school one day and she got worried so she sent him a message online and he got the digits from her. She went to his place, he got in her car, and they started smooching. Later that month, September, they had sex for the first time. Vera also told police that they had sex almost daily at her house and that they love each other. He'd stay at her place overnight and take him home in the morning so he could catch the school bus. Give me a moment.

While You Were Sleeping: Symone Marshall Arrest And Death

I heard about this story last week and have been waiting for more details to emerge before writing about it. That is what I do sometimes. I pretend that I am an actual writer and wait for results and more information before slapping on a social justice warrior hat and protesting wrong doings. This is about a 22 year old mother that died while in police custody. She happens to be Black which made people immediately think of Sandra Bland before getting any more details about it. “Don't need details. They're both Black!” I need details. I'm that guy which is why my hair used to fall out from stress. There is always more in my way of thinking.

Symone Marshall moved to Texas from Detroit a few months ago. She and a friend, Amanda Arnold, got into an accident saying they were run off the road causing their car to flip three times. Police arrived and they found cocaine in the vehicle and say that Marshall gave them a fake name. They both refused medical attention and showed no obvious signs of being injured. They were both arrested for the drug charge with Marshall having false identification added. Amanda was released the next day after posting bond but Marshall couldn't post the $5,000. Two weeks later she had a seizure in her cell. This is all on video unlike the Bland case. She was pronounced dead later at a hospital.

Texas Teacher Smacks Kid

I saw this story about a Texas teacher smacking the shit out of this kids head in class and thought “Oh, this is not the 80's and that won't fly anymore!” as well as “I bet this kid deserved it.” 63 year old teacher Mary Hastings ended up getting arrested after video footage showed her hitting a kid. 

The school district released a statement saying “The Beaumont Independent School District can confirm that an Ozen High School teacher was arrested today for physically assaulting a student. The conduct was substantiated by video footage viewed by BISD police and administration.”

In the video you see the teacher losing her shit on this kid. You can tell that this student had broken this woman. While hitting the kid she shouted “Because you’re stopping him from graduating, you idiot ass!” The kid asks her “Why'd you do that?” and Hastings mocks him seeming to lose her mind. Then the kid laughs at her, smiles at the camera, and goes back to using his own cell phone. The school also stated “The Beaumont Independent School District can confirm that an Ozen High School teacher was arrested today for physically assaulting a student. The conduct was substantiated by video footage viewed by BISD police and administration.”

Pick Me, Teacher!!!

I'm a fucking man-child. I am totally aware of this. I want as few responsibilities as possible, hate having to adult, and possess a very vivid memory particularly when it comes to the past and the opposite sex. In school I didn't have many attractive teachers. I don't even need one hand to count them all. I could have those honked up lobster hands and still have a digit left. I say all of this to defend my upcoming thoughts regarding this story of a 28 year old teacher named Haeli Wey from a high school in Texas called Westlake that had the sex with a couple of male students from her school. If you already have your comments regarding how terrible a teacher sleeping with a student is you can save it. I've done dozens of blogs like this one and am tired of defending my penis.

Now, from the jump this story is all kinds of wrong. Wey was on a trip with one of the boys family in Africa. For real. How about wondering why a teacher is going on a trip with the family of one of her students? The dad had to know something was up. One of the boys, I refuse to say victim, met her at a student ministry program and...wait. What? Red flag number one! In case you don't know, most religious based school programs are for hooking up. Later that summer their relationship became more physical on the trip to Africa. The muthafuckin' cradle of civilization! 

What People Care About This Week: Ahmed Mohamed

For this post I'm gonna have to ask all of you to not put on your Social Justice Warrior t-shirt, form your own opinion, be honest, and realize that things are not the way they used to be. A few days ago a 14 year old student in Irving, Texas named Ahmed Mohamed was arrested for bringing a home made alarm clock to school. His teacher freaked out thinking it was a bomb, just like I would've, and called the police which led to his arrest. “I built the clock to impress my teacher, but when I showed it to her, she thought it was a threat to her. It was really sad that she took the wrong impression from it” Ahmed said after being released from a detention center to his parents.

The school, MacArthur High School, said that they are willing to allow Ahmed to return to the school but the family does not want him there and deciding where he'll go instead. The internet has started the hashtags #IstandWithAhmed and #EngineersForAhmed because that is what the world does now. President Barack Obama even invited him to the White House. Why? I'm not sure. I'm really not.

Stupid Flakka User & Horse Bangery

Some people just need to be pulled aside and spoken to by Jesus or someone that is concerned about their mental well-being. This 19 year old chick from Florida, of course, named Daneshia Heller was arrested after making a call to cops. I know that sounds crazy but give me a moment. She called police because she wanted to buy some weed and gave a dealer $5 and he never came back with the drugs. When police showed up they found a bag of white substance on her. Turns out she had some flakka on her which is a crazy ass new drug that I've written about before. She was charged with misusing 911 and drug possession. 

She had been arrested in the past for violating the terms of a bond for a battery charge in the past. When I went looking for an image of her I saw about three different images of her. That is never a good sign. At the moment she is still looked up with no bond. You'd have to already be high to call cops because when you are calling them because you made an illegal drug transaction and got ripped off you just have to take that loss and hope for better luck next time. And why have an even more dangerous drug on you when waiting for the cops?! Its like drinking beer in the drivers seat while reporting that you were involved in a hit and run.

What People Care About This Week: McKinney Pool Party Chaos

Last week video came out from a pool party in McKinney, Texas where a bunch of Black teens were being rounded up, handcuffed, and threatened with more force. There are a lot of people involved in this story which means that we'll never know the entire truth of it. If you have three teens you'll get five stories and once you involve police you just multiply that by two.

I watched the video and the first thing I thought was “This cop wants to fuck someone up!” When you see officer Eric Casebolt come barrel rolling into the shot you know from the start that he is not there to make peace. He's not there to calm everyone down and find out what's happening. He is excited that he gets to exert force. I'm a cop. You're not. Get wrecked. Well, turns out he got a little bit too turnt up and now he's resigned before the investigation into this while he was on leave was done.

Old Lady Likes Dr. Pepper

An old lady in Fort Worth, Texas is old. A little bit ago I wrote about a woman that was 114 and ate enough eggs to cause most of us to have a heart attack. This 104 year old woman named Elizabeth Sullivan has been drinking three Dr. Peppers a day for the last 40 years. Yeah. Let that soak in for a second those of you that shit on people for putting in their bodies what they want. “People try to give me coffee for breakfast. Well, I'd rather have a Dr. Pepper. I started drinking them about 40 years ago. Three a day. Every doctor that sees me says they'll kill you, but they die and I don't. So there must be a mistake somewhere.” 

Could you imagine being a doctor that sits there telling her how unhealthy it is that she drinks that much soda a day and then getting sick and dying before she does? For her recent birthday she got a Dr. pepper shaped cake. “When you live to be 104 and still can talk to nice people, you deserve some Dr. Pepper, but I never expected this.” She also got a gift basket from the CEO of Dr. Pepper. “Man I'm feeling good. I'm glad I'm still here. I'm glad I'm not in a rest home. Glad I can read books and watch TV and have people come by and say hello.” And of course she was asked for her secret to living so long. “You just keep living.” There. Now leave people alone, stop asking that damned question, and let people eat and drink what they want.  

Woman Arrested Four Times In Two Weeks

This lady is thirsty! Megan Davis Hoelting who is 31 (or so reports say though I have my strong doubts) of Williamson County, Texas was charged with felony burglary after she broke into her husband's friends house and tried to give his wang some mouthasizing. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. While he was sleeping he woke up when he felt Megan straddling his legs and wearing just her draws. Then he felt her mouth on his junk and was like “Whoa whoa whoa! Ew! Not from you!” That is not a direct quote and should not be considered one. Its just what I would have said if I woke up to this particular person trying it. Or maybe not. Its been a while. No. I wouldn't. For sure I wouldn't. He told her to leave, she decided that staying was a better idea, and then he called the police. Damn, I would've loved to hear that call.

“Police! Yes. There's a woman in my home trying to suck my dick! Yes, a woman! What? Uh, she's blond. About 5 foot 3. 130 pounds. Excuse me? No, I'm not gay! Yes, I'm single! Say again? Well, because she looks like Gollum in Lord of the Rings before he finally succumbed to the power of the one true ring, that's why!”

Hater Ruins Awesome Birthday

This is the picture of a hater. Look at this guy. Antonia Flores Narcisso, 42, of San Antonio, Texas was arrested for attacking his roommate that was celebrating his 35th birthday. Was he mad that he didn't get no cake? Well, yes. In a sense. You see, Antonio was mad that his roommate was making too much noise while having sex with two women. According to reports he kicked down the door and complained about the noise and his roommate told him to get out of the room because he was getting his bang on. Antonio didn't like that so he got a knife from the kitchen (as opposed to those awesome bathroom blades) and stabbed him in the head, back, and hands. He went to the hospital and the women were able to pick Antonio from a lineup. This happened in May and he was just arrested. He was charged with burglary of a habitation with the intent to commit felony force. Or just being a hater. The roommate is fine now but has either the best or worst birthday story depending on how you look at it.  

Babysitter Sets Fire Because Fire Cleans Everything

Martha Dreher is not taking shit from kids anymore. This 57 year old Texan babysitter, which also happens to be the most depressing sentence I've ever written, pleaded not guilty to the house of the family she was babysitting for on fire. There are four children, two girls and twins boys who are 5, but she was just watching the boys at their mother's house while the girls were with their dad on vacation. That already sounds kinda honked up. She says went to the house around 9 at night to get some popcorn and that she never saw a fire. Perhaps she didn't know that security cameras were recording her dumb ass and she is seen leaving the house 25 minutes later. A boy noticed the fire when he got home and said that whoever set it started it in the girls rooms as if life works like a cartoon and fire stays where you started it. 

Not actual image.

“It was definitely a vendetta against the two girls. Before I left, she had taken the girls clothes shopping, and she said that it was horrible, that my oldest had been very disrespectful to her and she didn't think it was a good match and she probably didn't want to do this anymore” the father of the girls said. Martha still says she didn't start the fire but did say to police the girls were “out of control, lacking respect for her and having disciplines issues.” You know, maybe the girls knew some shit wasn't right with the babysitter. Sometimes you can just tell that someone is off their rocker like “This woman look like she’d set us on fire if she could…” This is the tale of a woman who should be getting close to returning but instead spends time watching kids that she hates so much that she decided to clean their rooms with fire. I mean, look at that mugshot. Does that look like the face of a woman that has any more shits to give about anything?

You No Drive Good

People don't know how to act when they have cars. I got two stories of folks being fools behind the wheel of vehicles. The first is Kisha Young, 38, of Crowley, Texas. She was charged and arrested for DUI which you can't tell from her happy ass mugshot. Well, while picking up a bunch of kids including her own from a swimming pool ages 8 to 14 she didn't want her car wet so she made the kids sit on the trunk of the car. You can see where this going. Witnesses are saying that it seems like she (or the other mother in the car with her) noticed that their load was a tad bit lighter. While taking a turn too fast the kids were flung from the car because science. She then drove back and saw that carnage had occurred. Four kids had to be taken to the hospital while one girl, the daughter of the passenger mom, is still there all jacked up. The other two had road rashes. Kisha was charged with felony injury to a child and driving while intoxicated with a child under 15. She is held on $110,000 bail. The other mother may also be charged. If this happened in the 80's this wouldn't even be a story. It was a different time. This is a shitty human being.

Meanwhile in Philadelphia, Christopher Pagano, 42 going on 65, pleaded guilty to indecent exposure as well as harassment. He drove around in his car with no pants on and a block of cheese asking what is now being reported as four women to pour cheese on his dick and do the damned thing with him. He got eight months probation and has to attend sex offender counseling. If you wanna see what this guy look like clearly Google his name. He ain't cute. The only reason I used this picture of him with his cheese is because he has too many damned mugshots to choose from. Plus, I had to share the pain that comes with a fat ass man with no pants on holding a block of cheese trolling for sex. If a picture is worth a thousand words 999 of them would be “Ew!”

Shit Just Got Real 21

Remember when I used to have segments on my blog? Well, they’re back. Meet Charity Stevens. She is a 15 year old girl from Texas who needed a place to stay because she had nowhere to live. Tamica Lincoln, a very nice woman in Longview, Texas and 30 years old, took her in while she attended as a 10th grader at New Life Christian School. When asked by school officials about previous schooling that she'd received she told them that she had been home schooled. “She had good grades. She acted like a respectful student and did good work” the school principal had said. Lincoln acted as her guardian while she attended school which is pretty damned nice of her. I talk about Charity in the past tense not because she up and died or got shot like kids happen to get nowadays. I say this because it turns out that the only thing real about Charity was that she is a female and Black.

Shit is about to get real.

Here These Teachers Go Again

Another week another teacher in trouble for boning a student. Heather Lynn Miller, 46 of Katy, Texas, was caught with a naked ass 14 year old boy and because I'm getting closer to being an asshole than a dick as I age I will be completely bias since unlike past teachers that have slept with students, I have no sexual feelings towards this woman. A campus guard caught Miller in a temporary school trailer on a Sunday night by security during a regular old checkup of things which is just ridiculous. She told him that “everything was fine” and as he looked over her shoulder saw the boy getting dressed. “Providing a safe and secure learning environment is and will continue to be our top priority, and we will always act swiftly when that is compromised” the school district lied. An updated story says that the guard now saw her touching the boys junk.

Miller has been put on administrative leave and charged with improper relationship with a student and released after posting $50,000 bond. Some people that know Miller said that we should wait to hear her side of the story. That ought to be fun. Each time people who do this get a chance to speak it never works in their favor. A Pat Trull told reporters “It's sad for me because I know Heather, and I've seen her as a sweetheart that loves her children. Give her a chance.” Loving her own children isn't what's the issue here. Miller has been told by the court that she ca not contact the boy again. One lady asked why there isn't someone checking to make sure these teachers aren't child grabbers. Look. That ain't gonna happen. Background checks will not stop this from happening. I you ask me they should start doing parental background checks before people get pregnant. Robot teachers, man. That's the only way you're gonna ever stop this from happening. And before you ask, no, I do not think robot teachers are a good idea. Those things use human blood for oil.

Meet the Best Teacher Ever

All me to introduce you to the best teacher in America: Felicia Smith. This 42 year old teacher at Stovall Middle School in Texas was arrested for giving a 15 year old student a lapdance for his birthday. I should probably mention that it was in school. In front of the class. While they played music. And recorded it. She has been charged with a felony which sucks because I am all for this. I now that she is a teacher and that this kid is a student but I have an alleged penis and I know what it is like to be young and want some woman on you. I have read some of her students defending her online and I have a message for them: stop. The way these kids are writing is not a testament to her teaching skills. And stop recording shit! This story would seem bad if it happened but the fact that its documented on video makes it way worse. Why would you record it? To show it to other loud mouthed ass friends later?

I know some of you are saying how it shouldn't have happened in the first place. You probably have kids or are one of those people who have that bullshit that starts with an M. Damn, what do they call that? Morals. Yeah, that. I'm not sure how cops found out about this but they did and then talked to the boy and his mother. This was his chance to pull a “I can neither confirm nor deny” and he failed.

Reading, Writing, And Arithmedick

There is another story in the news with a woman sleeping with a student at school. I had recently written about this happening between a student and teacher. This time it was a guidance counselor. Ellen Wermeling, 32, was a counselor at Aldine MacArthur High School in Houston, Texas and is being accused of boning a 12th grade student. The student told police that they messaged each other through Instagram and she was going to pick him up to “hang out” at her place.

Wermeling (which is a last name I would have changed as soon as I was legally allowed to) and this dude hooked up at her place, watched a couple of movies, he gave her a back massage, and then had sex. He said they then had sex on a few more occasions. Wermeling denied speaking to the guy on Instagram but then deleted her account the same day these allegations popped up.

In an interview the student said “In the heat of the moment, nothing really was wrong. At the end of the day, I'm 18 and I'm an adult and I make my own decisions.” Legally he is an adult but Wermeling is still a staff member and as much as you may wanna bone this cute ass lady it is against the law. She was put on paid leave then canned from her job. She was arrested and released on $10,000 bond. By the way, humanity. If you are at a woman's house and she asks for a massage chances are a penis will be touched.

Shit Just Got Real 20

This is one of those stories that makes my head spin. It is a pretty open and shut case of a grown ass woman fucking a boy but because I was once a boy (some would say I still am but not in a flattering way whatsoever) I see the situation that this kid was in and am sure that if I were in his shoes I would do the same thing he did. Corrie Anne Long who is a 43 year old middle school teacher in Texas gave her 8th grade student a blowjob.

This little situation came to an end after a classmate saw the boy slap Connie on her ass and her sitting on his lap. Police have charged her with sexual assault on a minor and improper conduct with a student. When the boy was interviewed he told them that he first got his wang mouthasized by his teacher who he had known since 6th grade right before Thanksgiving break. Connie was released on $30,000 bond and has a court appearance coming up soon. She has also been fired from her job. So that's what it takes to get rid of a teacher, huh?

Now this is where shit gets real. To me.