I Don't Want A Cell Phone or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Loved Being Unreachable

There are a few reactions folks have when I tell them that I don't have a cell phone. People that do not know me well think that I'm some anti-technology weirdo that is making a strange stance against the future. Some of my friends think I am just being stubborn. Other friends know that I just don't need one.

I think a lot of the fear that people have of not owning a cell phone comes from an inability to take responsibility for their actions. People show up late but think it is fine since they can call, as they are running late, to explain that they will not be on time.

How courteous of them.

People ask me “What if you need directions?” I tell them that I check that information before I leave the house. Then the next question is “What if you get lost?” Look. This isn't the Old Frontier. If I get lost there is no chance of me dying of starvation or being attacked by bandits. Plus, I'm a grown ass man. If I leave the house and get lost I accept that responsibility.

Dante Shows The Ladies How To Handle Texting Men

I talk to a lot of women. No, not like that. Not like that at all. Perhaps 85% of contact I have with people is woman contact. That sounds far sexier than the reality of the situation. One of the things I have noticed is that like most humans they communicate primarily through text messaging. Inevitably, while talking to men things get lost in translation and the next thing you know dick pics are sent, people are confused, arrests are made. Its a whole thing that could've been avoided if I was involved.

So I am gonna try and save you ladies a lot of uncomfortable situation by showing what you write to guys and what they see. It has been said that men and women speak a different language. I don't think this is true. There are just people who say what they really feel and some that are afraid of hurting people's feelings. Fuck their feelings. Embrace your inner robot. We live in the future!

Five Things I Learned Not Owning A Cell Phone

At the ripe age of 34 (my best friend says that if I am not married by next year I am legally a bachelor) I still do not own a cell phone. This is not because I can't afford one or once had one and lost it. I’ve just never owned one. This is not some kinda accident. This is a lifestyle choice that I’ve made to insure that I live a particular kind of life. A life where I pay attention to who I am with and what I’m doing.

I am the only person that I know that does not have a cell phone. This isn’t just to be different. If I wanted to be different I’d have a cell phone but an old school one with a briefcase that weighed 20lbs. and was guaranteed to give me cancer while the ones you all use are just likely to. I decided to write this Five Things I Learned Not Owning A Cell Phone to finally stop people from asking why I don’t have one and to see the benefits of not owning one.

Cool Shit Black People Invented: Henry Thomas Sampson, Jr.

Today’s entry of Cool Shit Black People Invented is kinda hard for me. I mean, I know that his invention is very useful. Its just that I don’t use it. Millions of people do. I am the only person I know that doesn’t so that makes me, Dante, the weirdo. Well, that and my four foot long tail and knees that bend in the opposite direction. Besides that I’m totally just like all of you.

Henry Thomas Sampson Jr. created a device that some of you are using right now. Or you just did. Maybe you’re even using it to read this blog. Which would be weird because you wouldn’t be able to read all the funny shit I add in my captions. Sampson (“Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden, ‘cause it’s hard being Black an’ gifted!”) created the cell phone!

Roscast Episode 105: You Don't Want The Super Beast!

In this episode that was started at night and ending a few minutes ago I answer some listener questions, talk about cops pulling guns during snowball fights, EMT's doing the opposite of what they should, cheap parents, cell phone etiquette, "Avater", and Alice the Goon. Click here to download this and older Rosscast. Remember to spread the word about the show to your friends. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 86: The Devil & Dante

In this episode I talk about the WeHo Halloween Parade, our parents ruining the future, animal rights, tax breaks for pet owners, Dan-e-o's new "Dilla Pickles" album, mediocre children, and saving my soul. Click here to download "Dilla Pickles" for free. Click here to download this and older Rosscast's. Click here to watch my friend Alex Hluch act a fool with Bears With Sparklers. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 83: "V" For Vagina!

Guess who's back with a new microphone finally? Me. That's who. In this episode I talk about having sex with aliens, nasty videos online, turtles having sex with shoes, whether its gay to suck your own wang, old people with cell phones, and Octomom maybe being pregnant again. Click here to download this and older Rosscast. Enjoy!