Rosscast Episode 147: The Black African American Negro

Rosscast Episode 147

The Rosscast

In this crammed episode I talk about when to shut your mouth, who guys have jacked off to based on the year, Ricky Martin being gay, Sandra Bullock drama with all these random bitches, a dude shooting himself at a wedding, vacuum commercials bugging me since childhood, Erykah Badu’s ass, the Census, whether I am a Negro or not, and things in films that yank you right out of them. Click here to download the show or click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

West Hollywood Parade 2009

Rosscast Episode 83: "V" For Vagina!

Guess who's back with a new microphone finally? Me. That's who. In this episode I talk about having sex with aliens, nasty videos online, turtles having sex with shoes, whether its gay to suck your own wang, old people with cell phones, and Octomom maybe being pregnant again. Click here to download this and older Rosscast. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 75: Let Me Show You Somethin'!

In this episode I talk about gays, Christians, and gay Christians. And for the morbid I talk about moving corpses while working at the hospital. Remember to download this and older episodes by clicking here. I couldn't answer your question this time, babe. Sorry. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 71: Is Gay The New Nerd?

In this episode I welcomed not one, but two guests! Two former schoolmates, RJ and Julie, joined me for an episode of the Rosscast that was too damned fun. We talk about everything from school, community college, prison, the law, why I'll never be a dictator, and try to figure out what's the new nerd? Click this link to download this and older episodes. I wanna thank RJ and Julie for making this one of my favorite episodes to edit. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 70: The Porn Shop

This episode comes from a chapter in my life where I worked in a porn shop. You'll laugh, you'll cry, maybe you'll vomit. Topics range from crying co-workers, flying Mexicans, and raining toilet water. Hope you have fun listening to my pain. Click here for tis and other episodes available for download. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 22: My 'Hood!

In this episode I discuss living in my strange ass neighborhood and what makes it so special. I also throw in some talk about fisting so you probably shouldn't listen to this at work or around yur grandmother with a weak heart. Enjoy!

Miss Californiacation

"Well I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and in, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be between a man and a woman."

This was Miss California Carrie Prejean giving her opinion on gay marriage. This has caused quite a stir and I’m sitting here trying to figure out why. All she did was give her opinion. That’s it. Is she not allowed to do that? Let me tell you something you may not be aware of: Miss California, Miss Universe, and Miss America pageants mean nothing! That’s right, I said it. When they win these things it doesn’t give them any special privileges. They don’t get to eat for free, join Congress, or get a super power. They get a title that means shit to no one except the person in the pageant and apparently Perez Hilton.

Okay, we get it. You’re gay, dude. He called her a bitch and said that he would rip the tiara off of her head if she won. Get over yourself. If she believes that toilet paper should be rolled down underneath and not over does that make her a bad person? No, it just means she does things differently. She believes that only dudes and chicks should get married. Okay. Then we move on to the swimsuit portion where all these chicks with the same exact body and damn near the same face parade on stage while my penis takes a nap.

And how do I feel about gay marriage? I don’t care. I don’t think its right for a state or country to not allow people to marry one another because they were born liking the same sex. But then I don’t think multiple marriages should be allowed. Perhaps two top. Drew Barrymore had been married twice and each time it was for a year. She’s done. No more even though every year she finds “the one” and then its over and we don’t say anything about it. If I had a talk show I would ask her, “So what the fuck’s your deal with men?” What was I talking about.

Yeah, I don’t think people say to themselves one day “I wanna be gay. I wanna have the threat of being beaten or killed because of who I choose to love. I want my family to stop talking to me. I want a general feeling of unsafeness (new word alert) in my life. That sounds awesome!” People are born gay. Deal with it. But…

I think there is this percentage of people that are gay by choice. If you are one of these people then choose early and don’t fuck people over by marrying them, having kids, then getting a wild hair (or dick) up your ass and telling your wife that the past few years were a sham and now you’re leaving to live with Lance in Palm Springs.

Rockets.

Want A Ride...?

I took a ride with a stranger one time. Yeah, its one of those things I blast people about doing and swore that I’d never do but it indeed happened one day back in 1997 (insert wavy screen indicating flashback).

This was when I was still living with my folks a few months after graduating. I would stay at my ex’s place until around 10:30pm and then hop on the 105 down La Cienega and get home around 11:25 or so. This time though, things were different. I got to the stop at 10:35 or so and just stood around staring at the sky. I check my watch and, yeah, it’s around 11pm. I’m like, “Oh, this sucks!” I know that the bus isn’t coming and start trying to figure out how I am getting home.

I walk down to Fairfax and Santa Monica and wait for the 217 because I know that it runs 24/7 and is one of the most frequent buses in the city. Not that night. Around 12:45 a bus shows up and I jump on. I’m sitting there doing the possible violence math.

“Walking around South Central, L.A after 1am. Black. Wearing shitty shoes. Thin leather jacket. Let’s see where this goes.”

So I’m on the bus with two other chicks (no, I didn’t know them) and when we get to Fairfax and Olympic the driver goes, “Last stop!” I’m like, fuck you, man. Not out loud because I didn’t start cursing until around 4 years later. I get off the bus and sure enough I see that it was indeed the short line. I take the Shoelace Express and head towards home. I start doing the walking math.

“Bad shoes. Longer walk than expected. This is gonna suck so hard!”

I am walking past all these thugs and shit and just waiting for some shit to jump off. Now don’t let the smooth taste fool you, I can whip some ass when I need to. And those horrible ass shoes were hard and I was just imagining what it would feel like to kick someone with them. As I got near Pico and Fairfax a car drove by slowly. I was like “Here we go…” The car passed by and then circled again. And again. And again…what the fuck?! At this point I’m just waiting for something stupid to happen. The car pulls up next to me and rolls the window down.

“Need a ride?” this kinda geeky, chubby Black dude asks me.

My mind says, “Shit, no! Fuck you! I ain’t riding with no strangers!”

My mouth says, “Sure.”

Really, Dante?

I get in and buckle up happy that I don’t have to walk the rest of the way home. It was a little before Halloween and I saw some bags and stuff in dude’s car so I asked him if he’s taking his kids trick or treating.

“No” he says flatly.

We start talking about nothing and it feels like the longest car ride ever. He mentions that he works for Warner Bros. and I mention that I draw. He gives me his card. I give him my number in the hopes of getting a dream job drawing. Cool. He gets to my street and I get out a few houses before my own. He just sits there waiting for me to go inside. The problem is that he wont drive away. The other problem is that this neighbor has a motion sensor and if I get any closer the light will come on and they will be greeted by a skinny ass Black kid with a leather jacket standing on their porch. I turn and wave goodbye and he finally pulls off. I hop the bushes and rush inside.

I call my ex and her mom asks me how I got home. I tell her and she asks me if the guy was gay. I’m like, “Uh, no…” until things start clicking in my head. The mood change when I mentioned kids. Picking up random Black dudes late at night. Shit.

The next day he calls. Like, ten times. I pretend I am busy each time until I get sick of the shit. He actually asks me “Don’t you think you have room in your life for one more friend, Michael?” Yes, I gave him a fake name. You think I’m crazy? I tell him that I do not and that was the end of that.

I don’t know what the point of this blog was. Just another example of one of the many stupid things I’ve done in my life. Don’t ride in cars with strangers, people. You may end up with your balls as wind chimes and that’s not cool at all. Rockets.