Rosscast Episode 158: Assload

Rosscast Episode 158

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about chicks being dirty, Americans getting fat and stupid, answer an assload of listener questions about movies, wrestling, Star Wars Christmas Specials, Betamax, talk about the passing of Guru from Gang Starr, the top five worst films ever, and of course ramble about other nonsense as usual. Click here to download this and older Rosscast or click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Polar Opposites

TOKYO – Puzzled Japanese zookeepers have cleared up a mystery over a lack of chemistry between a couple of polar bears as both turn out to be female, a Japanese zoo said Wednesday. Tsuyoshi, a four-year-old "male" polar bear, and his 11-year-old female partner, Kurumi, have been living together since June at the Kushiro Municipal Zoo in Hokkaido, northern Japan.

But much to the frustration and puzzlement of zookeepers, the bear couple, on a breeding mission, showed no signs of chemistry, and Tsuyoshi has never gone into rut even during "his" mating period.

"Observing his behaviors, we got suspicious as to whether Tsuyoshi was really a male," the zoo said in a statement.

The zoo put Tsuyoshi under an anesthetic earlier in the month for a gender checkup, and learned he was a she.

"I have mixed feelings," Yoshio Yamaguchi, head of the zoo.

Tsuyoshi is very popular at the zoo, and Kyodo News agency said the zoo would not change his name to a female name. Tsuyoshi is a very common Japanese name for boys.

Experts say when polar bears are young, it is difficult to determine their gender as their long hair covers reproductive organs.

The zoo said it had determined Tsuyoshi was a male three months after his birth.

Somebody got their degree off a cereal box. I can only imagine the shame of anyone that was involved in this program to have these bears sexing it up. How hard can it be to lift up some fur and go, “By, Job! This thing has a vagina!”

Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh. Humans have been around for a while and still cant tell chicks from dudes sometimes. I know where to look and it isn’t always the Adam’s Apple. You gotta check the hands. If she got Mad Hands then keep it moving unless you want a very unpleasant surprise. Oh, what was I talking about? That’s right.

Bears.

First those pandas and now this nonsense. I swear. Watch, soon a koala will be buried and dig itself from the ground and we’ll read a headline that says something like “Koalas can indeed rise back from the dead!” Is there no depth these creatures will sink to in their everlasting quest to anger and puzzle me? I’m not going near any zoos, I’ll tell you that. I don’t need to be attacked by zombie ass koalas with a newfound hunger for Black flesh. That’s a script just waiting to be written!

Imagine of people were tested for their sex at three months. “That is either a very tiny penis or a extremely large clitoris. Hmm. Let’s go with boy.” And what does “…we got suspicious as to whether Tsuyoshi was really a male” mean? Maybe he just didn’t like Kurumi that way. Maybe it just wanted to be friends. Oh, I need to eat lunch. This planet is making me feel crazy. Rockets.

Chicks, Man...

I don’t get along with guys well. There’s no other way to say it. The things most dudes are into I’m just not. I find conversations with them dull, unfocused, and just all around uninteresting.

It’s kinda always been this way. When I was little I would play with guys but talk to girls. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that the women in my family were the more stable ones. I would sit in on conversations and contribute when I could much to the chagrin of my mother who said I was like a “cowbell” and had “diarrhea of the mouth.” Funny, I still to this day get accused of being quiet.

When I hung out in Little Tokyo (I’ll get to those stories one day) there would be a ton of guys and a few chicks. The chicks had either dated the guys or were in the process of doing so. I was there to just hang out and see something new. I never went to hook up. Also, I never understood how people would be into one type of person (there the chicks loved Black guys). For the longest time they thought I was gay because I wouldn’t hit on any of them or check them out. Look, I check out chicks. But what I look at is what they’re wearing or how they sound. I really don’t like bad voices. It’s one of my things. Anyway, I would talk to them for a long time about things while if I ventured over to the guys they were talking about where they could meet chicks, where they could see chicks, and where they could touch chicks. It’s so old. I mean, how many ways can you talk about what you want to do to a girl? I mean, yeah, there’s a lot but still.

All of my best friends are girls. Seriously. There’s my lady and three others I can think of immediately that I can talk to about almost anything. Guys? Meh. I can talk to a few of them about movies and stuff but it rarely gets deep. With chicks it can be anything from life, relationships, sex, and music. Sure, I can talk about those things with dudes but the conversations are usually way shorter.

I have had relationships where the chick was kinda jealous of the girls I talked to. It was just funny to me because I was like “She is actually like a sister to me.” And its true. I know it sounds like one of those typical male bullshit lies, but its true with me. One of my friends is like a little sister to me and I wish her the best and pray that she is happy. I pray that all my friends are happy and successful in everything they do. My chick friends know they can talk to me about anything and fall asleep around me without me grabbing their ass. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I just felt like rambling. Rockets.