Five Things I Learned From Relationships

It seems like lately I have been talking more about relationships than I normally do. I know people that are engaged, married, single, wanting to date, wanting to date but know they are too fucked up to, and people that wish they were single. Me, I am single and not only know that I'm too fucked up to date but the longer I stay single (its been over a year since I got some stank on my hang low and moments since I lost a friend because of this sentence) the more I realize how hard it is to date another person.

I've written blogs about why I am single (click here for those) but this time I'm gonna write about the Five Things I Learned From Relationships. There will be some good and some bad. Mostly bad. Because I'm a dick. Deal with it.

You Gotta Be Friends

I have said this so many times to people. I have known people in relationships where if they weren't having sex with one another they wouldn't even be talking to each other. Even if you like someone I think you should wait a few months before doing the horizontal mambo. Why? Because assholes are really good at hiding it sometimes! There is nothing worse than finding out someone is a dick (this goes for women, too) after you've already slept with them.

Why Isn't Dante Dating?

By the way, this turned out to be very long. That’s not what she said! If you've been on Youtube in the last couple of months chances are that you've seen the Zoosk commercial featuring this chick named Liz and her talking heart trying to get her hooked up online with this guy named Brad. I like the commercial fine but, my god, they play it a lot. I'll tune in to see the best knockouts of last year and suddenly hear her heart bugging the hell out of her to hook up. Zoosk is a social dating online site that has been around for a while and makes a shit ton of money.

“Zoosk is a site that combines social networking and online dating. Social graph information is incorporated into user profiles. The company has a popular application on Facebook. Zoosk has a dedicated website, a mobile app, and a desktop chat client.”

I tried an online dating site years ago to see what animals I could catch in my naughty jungle of love. It was an interesting social experiment. Nothing but older White women and Indian chicks. That was it. No Latinas or Black women wanted a slice of this. Just like real life! I would never date someone I met on a dating site. I have friends who've used them with mixed results and I don't judge them for it. If you find a cool ass guy on a dating site then rock and roll. Then I look at myself in the mirror and go “Is there something wrong with me?” For years I've been the guy that women complain about their bad relationships to but wont touch. Or they do and will never admit it to friends.

Rosscast Episode 180: Don't Look A Day Over 179

In this random ass episode I talk about Lindsey Lohan and how she used to be cute, that damned oil spill, Yahoo relationship stuff, violent ass porn, drinking prison coffee, a family living at sea for seven years, and a donkey that was parasailing. Click here to download this show and my Doom Mates shorts or click here to listen to older shows and download through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 179: Who You?!

In this episode I talk about my week, Yahoo dating advice which I always love reading, I answer a listener question, and I also discuss a little bit about just who the hell I am. Click here to download this show and older ones and click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 138: Feel The Vibrations

Rosscast Episode 138

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about Yahoo stuff about getting inside a guys head, bullshit body language, body scanners, The Bone Collector, Japanese food, 80’s cartoons being good for little girls self esteem, dudes getting tasered on COPS, and people pretending they are way more complex than they really are. Click here to download the show and click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 136: Get Over Here!!!

Rosscast Episode 136

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about the fucked LAUSD, I help raise your children, my views on love and relationships, what they plan to do with that killer whale, fat Black and Latino children, terrible movies (Legion), and my friends birthday this past weekend. Click here to download the Rosscast or click here to listen and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 133: And So The Conversation Turned

Rosscast Episode 133

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about people getting lost while hiking too often, Tiger Woods' long ass apology to the planet Earth, Yahoo relationships and the seven types of breakups, why not to go down on hookers and strippers, free massages and why I dont get massages, living together before getting married, and The Hurt Locker being the Seinfeld of military films. Tell a friend if you like the show. Click here to download this episode and click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 123: There's Only One Of Me!

Rosscast Episode 123

The Rosscast

In this rambling ass episode I talk about the Grammy's stinking, porn being too rough for me, the tooth fairy paying too much, advice for women from men (and me), and I give a State of Dantania address with a list of things to not do anymore (including taking pictures of friends at the club). Click here to download the Rosscast or click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 122: Fix Up Look Sharp

Rosscast Episode 122

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about yahoo dating advice, bubble wrap having an actual holiday, what are deal breakers in relationships, David Beckham having his dick grabbed by a reporter, and other random nonsense as always. Remember to tell a friend about my show if you like it, Erf. Click here to download the show and click here to download it through your iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 115: Unfuckably Delicious

Rosscast Episode 115

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about dating sites and why I am bad at them, celebrity photographers getting hit by cars, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien drama, wondering why I'm not getting boned right now, my weekend, and why folks were wearing their draws on the subway. Click here to download this and older Rosscast shows. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 97: Blacker Than Black

In this episode I talk about what I like in women, what its like to me Black and Dante, I explain what I liked about "Twilight", do some random voices, and the pros and cons of being Negrolicious. Click here to download this and older Rosscast episodes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 92: All Over The Place!

In this long awaited (ha!) episode I talk about cops throwing folks through windows, women getting their men beaten up, when not to ask about past relationships, the AMA's, being out of touch with music, disliking Lady Gaga, that damned "Twilight" movie, and showing off for a girl when I was little. Click here for this and older Rosscast's for download. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 74: TV Is Not Reality

In this episode I talk about reality TV and how its ruining people's lives. I also talk about an article discussing why men dump women, and a little bit regarding the fallout from the reunion. Click here to download and listen to past episodes of the Rosscast. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 48: Trashin' Of The Christ!

In this episode I give a stammering filled run through of bible study from last night. I also talk about the meteor "tinkle" we had, church, interracial relationships, Hillary Clinton, and books I like reading. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 46: The Black Jon & Kate Minus Eight!

For the first time I tried using Skype to have Jess on with me. Sounds kinda weird but its an informative Rosscast nonetheless. We discuss Gerard Butler, Jon & Kate, movies, religion, Steve Harvey's dumb ass, when she boned out when I first met her dad, and how we met. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 24: My Father Sucks...

In this episode I babble about the shitty relationship I have with my father, why father's Day is just any given Sunday to me, and a beautiful banquet I went to for father's that actually give a damn about their kids. Oh, and I played a song during a break for the first time. How about that, sweeties?! Enjoy!

How I Met Ya Mama...

This chair is important.

I have always believed that how you meet someone you date is important. I imagine some guys having a kid and the kid coming up to them one day after meeting some nice girl. The kid will ask them how they met mom.

“Well, I was at the club with my boys and I saw this fly ass bitch in this tiny skirt droppin’ it like it was hot and I couldn’t let that shit get by!”

Sounds sweet, huh?

I met three ex’s in high school and another at work. My current (and last) girlfriend I met at a party while drunk sitting in a baby ass lawn chair. No, neither of us plan on having kids but I like imagining what it would be like to tell a kid how I met his mom. I like that it didn’t involve a one night stand or some drunken night of sex that ended with his or her birth. I have never been into hooking up at clubs or anything. I have danced with strangers once at a club and disappointed one of them when I didn’t kiss her or give her my number (or ask for hers) after hours of dancing.

I have this weird thing about asking for numbers. I don’t do it. Even when I first met my girlfriend and was all hot and bothered by her I didn’t as for her number. I bugged her friend about her though. I tried to be her friend on myspace without knowing that she was doing the same thing. We met again for a moment after a gathering of this same friend. She was pretty much the only reason I went and she came as I was leaving. I was pissed because she showed up looking all kinds of hot. At this point we were friends on myspace but finally talked this night.

We chatted for hours late into the night and got to know each other. I made her laugh and that was cool. I love hearing her laugh. We finally had a date and went to see a movie, “Rendition.” Not exactly a date movie. A dude gets captured and tortured like fucking crazy while butt booty ass naked. During the movie I thought the popcorn was falling over and reached for it. She thought I was trying to grab her leg. She ended up taking my hand and holding it. I love that something as small as holding my hand gets me so happy.

We chatted on the rooftop of the parking structure of The Grove for hours and she took me back home. I asked her if she would slap me if I gave her a kiss. She said she wouldn’t so I planted one on her cheek. It was awesome. The rest as they say is history. A year and a half later and we still love each other.

I look forward to years from now living together and being happily married and thinking about the first time we met and how shy and cautious I was around her. I like looking forward to the future.

Rockets.

Bionic Weave

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Police said a woman's tightly-woven hair weave saved her life.

Police were called to a Kansas City market at about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday. Arriving officers found the 20-year-old woman there. She told police she had pulled into the market and saw a man with whom she had recently ended an eight-month relation with inside a car. A second man came up to the woman’s window and told her that the ex-boyfriend still loved her, Kansas City police said.

The woman told the second man, "I don’t love him."

At that time, the victim heard gunshots and saw her ex-boyfriend walking toward the back of her car firing a handgun, police said. The victim sped away in her vehicle as her back window shattered, police said. She returned to the scene a moment later to witness both men leaving in their vehicle.

Officers found a bullet in the woman’s hair and said her tightly-woven weave stopped the bullet. The victim was not harmed. The ex-boyfriend and the second suspect were both taken into custody a short time later.

I saw this story on the news earlier this morning and assumed that the chick was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn’t know that a guy was trying to kill her because she didn’t love him anymore. I also didn’t know she was 20. She looks 40. I mean, damn.

What if she was like, “Oh, I love him, too.” Would the gun said “Oh, okay. Let me just put my gun away and give you a hug.” There’s this thing I learned about in that old movie “Falling Down” starring Michael Douglas.

“The point of no return.”

Its where you’ve gone so far, said so much, or fucked up so badly you have no choice but to keep going. If you plan on shooting your ex in the face based on whether or not she says she still loves you, uh, you’ve gone past the point of no return. You’ve gone to a new place very few traverse.

“How the fuck this happen?”

The girl in the video that got shot in the weave looks like the type of chick that would forgive a fella for shooting them in the head. I’ve known women like this my entire life. No matter what a guy does they will take them back. She says her biggest concern right now is fixing her back window. What a damned planet.

Rockets.

"For Richer or Poorer..."

Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14th by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine‘s cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionary. The holiday is named after two among the numerous Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

The day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of "valentines". Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards. The sending of Valentines was a fashion in nineteenth-century Great Britain, and, in 1847, Esther Howland developed a successful business in her Worcester, Massachusetts home with hand-made Valentine cards based on British models. The popularity of Valentine cards in 19th century America was a harbinger of the future commercialization of holidays in the United States.

I have said before that I hated this holiday. Like, when I was younger and watched as the cuter, light skinned guys got fawned over while my tiny dark ass sat there looking goofy and being alone. But now I hate this fucking holiday even more.

Oh, in case you didn’t know, this blog is gonna be laced with all kinds of profanity. You have been warned.

So if you’re wondering, I didn’t have the best Valentine’s Day ever. I know it was worse for her. We’ve talked about the day back and forth and what we expected and what actually happened. It was fucked all around. Movies were watched, food was eaten, smiles were faked. Good times.

I can only do so much. Meaning, we all know I haven’t had a job in months. I get by with help from my friends and their well wishes and prayers and such. Waiting for the government to help will surely drive me insane I’ve learned. Its hard to do something nice when you don’t have shit. All I can give is myself. If it were something like, “You cant get me shit so you have to do to me whatever I say!” I’d be all over that. I’m broke, but not broken. I’m gonna start rambling even more soon so let me get to the point.

I hate that a day that is meant to get folks to buy cards and shit can make me feel like my relationship is about to end. The fact that it can make friends feel like shit. I hate it. It doesn’t make sense to me. A guy can go around acting like Asshole McDick all year but if he buys flowers on this one day he’s a god. I sit here thinking “If my relationship ended because of what I didn’t do on the 14th of February I’d be fine” because I refuse to have my life defined by a day. You can look at what someone did on a certain day and be upset abut it or think of all the other cool shit they have done for you. If we all lived by these theories no one would talk to each other. Everyone would be divorced. I cant be defined by day and I wont. All I can do is be who I am. Sometimes its awesome, sometimes its not. But if anyone, friends, family, or whatever, wanna bail out right now, this is the perfect time. I cant get any lower than I am right now. Rockets.

Chicks, Man...

I don’t get along with guys well. There’s no other way to say it. The things most dudes are into I’m just not. I find conversations with them dull, unfocused, and just all around uninteresting.

It’s kinda always been this way. When I was little I would play with guys but talk to girls. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that the women in my family were the more stable ones. I would sit in on conversations and contribute when I could much to the chagrin of my mother who said I was like a “cowbell” and had “diarrhea of the mouth.” Funny, I still to this day get accused of being quiet.

When I hung out in Little Tokyo (I’ll get to those stories one day) there would be a ton of guys and a few chicks. The chicks had either dated the guys or were in the process of doing so. I was there to just hang out and see something new. I never went to hook up. Also, I never understood how people would be into one type of person (there the chicks loved Black guys). For the longest time they thought I was gay because I wouldn’t hit on any of them or check them out. Look, I check out chicks. But what I look at is what they’re wearing or how they sound. I really don’t like bad voices. It’s one of my things. Anyway, I would talk to them for a long time about things while if I ventured over to the guys they were talking about where they could meet chicks, where they could see chicks, and where they could touch chicks. It’s so old. I mean, how many ways can you talk about what you want to do to a girl? I mean, yeah, there’s a lot but still.

All of my best friends are girls. Seriously. There’s my lady and three others I can think of immediately that I can talk to about almost anything. Guys? Meh. I can talk to a few of them about movies and stuff but it rarely gets deep. With chicks it can be anything from life, relationships, sex, and music. Sure, I can talk about those things with dudes but the conversations are usually way shorter.

I have had relationships where the chick was kinda jealous of the girls I talked to. It was just funny to me because I was like “She is actually like a sister to me.” And its true. I know it sounds like one of those typical male bullshit lies, but its true with me. One of my friends is like a little sister to me and I wish her the best and pray that she is happy. I pray that all my friends are happy and successful in everything they do. My chick friends know they can talk to me about anything and fall asleep around me without me grabbing their ass. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I just felt like rambling. Rockets.