Machinery Hanging Out

There's nothing worse than uninvited penis. Uninvited is usually unexpected and the last place you ever expect to see a penis (all Catholic accusations aside) is in church. But 21 year old North Dakota resident Zachary Burdick was like “You know what this church is missing? Meth. Meth and penis.” So he introduced both to the equation. This week on a Tuesday morning mass at Spirit of Life Church which means that church had the most dedicated of church goers inside because who the hell else goes to church on a Tuesday morning, and got butt booty ass naked. He then got into the baptismal fountain and when he got out he was feeling the wrong kinda spirit and he started jerking it while walking towards the altar. There were 75 people inside the church at the time.

A witness told the police that Zachary splashed around in the fountain and then entered the area with his “machinery hanging” and “pumping” himself up. I laughed when I read that shit. Father Todd Kreitinger was conducting mass at the time and said Zachary had “dipped his rear-end into the Holy Water fountain and splashed around a bit before entering the sanctuary while masturbating.” The price to clean the fountain is said to be $500. I don't know why it costs anything. Just empty it, fill it back up, and bless it. I'm not even sure what kinda fountain it was. There seems to be a lot and they are expensive. When questioned Zachary said that he was tweaking and said he used meth and hashish oil. He also told police that he was trying to “bust a nut” in the church. He's been charged with indecent exposure which will count as a felony because it was within 50 feet of where kids would have been.

Update!

Apparently preschoolers were there at the time! And he was also trying to bless people, hopefully not with what I am thinking, and handing out the Book or Mormon. He also wants to be a rapper. This just keeps getting worse. Yep. He also has a kid. After this news broke his baby mama posted “Well, there goes child support.”

A Word About The Charleston Church Shooting

This is going to be different from other blogs I post. This is about a topic that is in the news but I won't be using any names. Once the names of all the victims are released I'll do that, but as for the shooter, his name will not be mentioned in this post. Earlier today (yesterday as of this posting) a 21 year old kid shot and killed nine people in church. It is said that it was done because of their race. That is easy to believe when you know that the kid was not a fan of Black people which all the victims were and he is White and is all about racial supremacy.

(names added) Cynthia Hurd, 54; Susie Jackson, 87; Ethel Lance, 70; Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor, 49; Hon. Rev. Clementa Pinckney, 41; Tywanza Sanders, 26; Rev. Daniel Simmons Sr., 74; Rev. Sharonda Singleton, 45; Myra Thompson, 59.

This attack is being labeled a hate crime as well as a terrorist attack. I don't like that. I don't like either of those terms for various reasons. When you say hate crime it marginalizes it. It means this against that. This race versus that one. It makes people look at those that are the same skin color of the attacker angry at people who've done nothing to them. Race crimes get explanations attached to them that eventually lose their edge. This isn't all about a race. Its about one idiot and his skewed perception of reality.

Rosscast Episode 56: Dear Dante...

In this episode I call "Dear Abby" out on her bad advice and BS. Topics include school, dating etiquette. school, and jerks. I also talk a bit about church from this past Sunday and try out my Dr. Claw impersonation. Be sure to click the link to download this and other episodes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 48: Trashin' Of The Christ!

In this episode I give a stammering filled run through of bible study from last night. I also talk about the meteor "tinkle" we had, church, interracial relationships, Hillary Clinton, and books I like reading. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 45: I'm Just Big Boned!

I answer some listener questions and ramble for quite a while about hypocrits in regards to religion. I also talk about good places to eat and why dogs are smarter than children. Special thanks to Jess, Kiyoshi, Hoozle, Reinard, Njeri, and Julie for listening to my rambles every week! This is fun. Remember to keep 'em coming. Enjoy!

In The Eyes...

In about four week’s at my girlfriends church they are gonna be talking about the legacy of our fathers. This got me thinking about the stuff that our families do that affect us. I’m not just talking about how they treated us when we were growing up or who we actually got to see. This goes a bit deeper. I’m talking on a microscopic, DNA, generational type of thing.

I chose the picture of my eye as an example. For years I have told people that I have a grey outline in my eyes. What’s funny is that I never tried to figure out why. One day I did and the results were surprising. It turns out that families with a history of high blood pressure has this occur throughout their bloodlines. I don’t have high blood pressure. I was actually told I had low blood pressure when I was around 14 (which has no since been changed to whatever regular ass blood pressure is). But its just funny to me that something that many people in my family had could affect me physically.

I wonder lots of times what other strange things that go on with my body are the result of my family. I know its where I got my feet from (known as “Ross toes”). My mother loves to make fun of the shape of my nose which is from my fathers side of the family. Bad vision runs on each side. My crazy ass fingers come from my late Grandma (man, it’s weird to write that). The straight teeth and height are an oddity though. My family isn’t tall and has a lot of mouth issues. I jacked my teeth up plenty growing up either by having them knocked out or allowing them to rot out. Hell, even the fact that I draw comes from my Grandmama that used to draw (she said her father made her stop as it was “unladylike”), my father, and my late older brother. What the hell else is hiding inside of me?

Besides that kinda stuff there is also the terrible stuff we get from family. This is a good reason to know some of your family history. You don’t want to find out at 45 that most men in your family die at 50 from a disease you kept yourself from knowing because you ignored your entire family. Yeah, I have kept my distance from mine but over the last few years have gotten closer. There are things I need to know. This is one of the reasons why I will be sure to be in church. Physically and mentally there are things I know and things I don’t. Why is alcoholism so strong in my family. How about drug use? Denial? All these things. So now spiritually I need to find out some stuff.

Rockets.

Rosscast Episode 42: The Kiyoshi Episode!

This episode is dedicated to one Kiyoshi Parker. I answer his questions such as what would I rather be killed by (vampire or zombie), why I am going to church now, and what person I would eat if I had to. Enjoy!