Hatering On Catering

There was this story on the news about having catering trucks pretty much banned from school campuses because kids are too goddamn fat. They will have to park at least 1,500 feet away from schools. Now this bothers me for multiple reasons. Mostly because not only are catering trucks friggin’ awesome but because if it weren’t for them I would have starved as a child. And been hungry at my brother's funeral. Seriously. I got a burger at his funeral. I was grieving, okay?! Don't judge me.

Tears are a great substitute for salt!

The school I went to from 4th to the beginning of 10th grade was Mid-City Alternative. During lunch time they had a catering truck that would arrive downhill and we would race to it to eat such delicious treats like Mucho Machos, burgers, fries, or big ass root beer sodas. If it wasn’t for the $1.25 ($3 on Fridays) I wouldn’t have eaten. Know why?

I Eat Animals

If you’re a sensitive person or love the work of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) you should probably skip right past this blog. Over the past week during Thanksgiving I kept seeing and hearing about this new ad they had to stop people from eating turkey during the holidays. Fuck the holidays. They don’t want you to eat it ever. Like ever. Fuck that. I like turkey. I like pig. I like cow. I like chicken, fish, and pretty much any animal that once had the ability to produce tears and is now placed on my plate hopefully fried in grease made from the fat of another animal. I once stopped eating meat for a couple weeks. You know what happened? Pure, unfiltered hate emanated from my body. You could feel that shit from across the street.

Toaster Strudels vs. Pop Tarts

There is a battle that has been raging for quite some time. Which is better: Toaster Strudels or Pop Tarts? In this article (look at me trying to sound like a journalist!) I will weigh the pros and cons of each of these treats. I normally would put this on my food blog but this is more babbly than usual.

“Toaster Strudel Breakfast Pastries is a type of frozen pastry introduced in 1985 by Pillsbury. It was developed by a young business man whose father reportedly first had the thought to make a flaky treat whilst eating a cherry filled pop-tart. He was convinced that filling a pastry with fruit, and topping it with warm icing would be irresistible - an Americanized version of the Cuban pastelito.”

Rosscast Episode 197: Almost Famous

In this episode I talk about my week, the problems with unemployment, why I don’t want to be famous, celebrities breaking up all of a sudden, a creepy ass service that calls and tells you that they love you, a shooting in my neighborhood, a dude getting arrested and saying the opposite of what you should say when being arrested, Alicia Keys having a baby, my new podcast with Alex called The DNA Show, the good food I’ve eaten (click here to see), and I play a clip of Josh Smith speaking about celebrity. Click here to download this and older Rosscast shows and click here to check out Alex’s original blog. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 176: Babblefest

In this stretched out ass episode I talk about a death in my family, religion, food, how busy my last weekend was, and I answer a bunch of listener questions like what my favorite sugar is, seeing ex’s with new people, and whether or not I can make Rice Krispy Treats. Click here to download this episode and click here to download and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 172: Rules Of Attraction

In this episode I talk about first date rules from Yahoo, my week at my new job, a cool ass concert I saw in downtown Los Angeles, eating pho, and I also answer listener questions. Click here to download this and old ass episodes and click here to subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 162: Table For One

Rosscast Episode 162

The Rosscast

In this episode I go over some yahoo dating advice like the 19 things you should not say to your single friends unless you wanna get smacked and for the ladies the ten reasons why a guy isn’t approaching your ass. Figuratively and literally. I also discuss my week, my tattoo, and why I am a very approachable person, damn it! Click here to download this and old ass episodes or click here to download and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 151: Just Beat It!

Rosscast Episode 151

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about chicks being asked to be like porn stars, beating off habits, regular TV sucking ass, Count Chocula being amazing, the great show The Wire, earthquakes in Los Angeles being better than any other natural disaster, eating a real mango for the first time, having great friends in your life, Jesse James entering sex rehab, and the pros of being breastfed. Click here to download this show or click here to download and subscribe through iTunes. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 128: Working Man!

Rosscast Episode 128

The Rosscast

In this episode I talk about being employed, crappy digital television, listener questions, eating healthy and how its a joke, Michael Jackson's crazy ass doctor, bad jokers, soda being bad for you, and crazy ass weather. Click here to download the show or click here to subscribe through iTunes. And click here to follow me on twitter. Enjoy!

Rosscat Episode 61: Breaking Bad

In this episode I talk about my awesome Labor Day weekend, barbeques, cooking, and Tila Tequila saying she got roughed up. I also squeeze in a rant about the President's state of the Union address for kids. This link will allow you to download this and older episodes. Enjoy!

"My Busy Weekend"

Rosscast Episode 45: I'm Just Big Boned!

I answer some listener questions and ramble for quite a while about hypocrits in regards to religion. I also talk about good places to eat and why dogs are smarter than children. Special thanks to Jess, Kiyoshi, Hoozle, Reinard, Njeri, and Julie for listening to my rambles every week! This is fun. Remember to keep 'em coming. Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 40: The People's Episode!!!

In this episode I answer listener questions. They range from food, politics, wrestling, and what type of draws I wear! Thanks to everyone that helped out and there will be more to come! Enjoy!

Rosscast Episode 20: Tossin' Salad!

In this episode I discuss what I like eating (don't be nasty!), what I don't like to eat, and why I would rather you not bring me a salad after I have told you that I don't want no friggin' salad, Red Lobster! Enjoy!

Eat Me Again!!!

For the last couple of weeks I have had the opportunity to enjoy some very good food. From Hooter’s, Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles, to Pink’s, I have enjoyed some tasty ass meals. As I sit here num-nummin’ on a steak (courtesy of my mother) I decided to write about the stuff I have had recently.

Early yesterday I made myself a burger for lunch. This was fresh ass beef. I know that sounds horrible but it isn’t. I used the leftover toppings from the Pink’s hotdog and just slapped them on top of the burger. Now I had a bacon pastrami burger! Proof that not only is there a God, but that He wants me to be a fat guy again.

Later that same day my lady came by baring gifts! She brought some awesome kettle corn popcorn and a Krispy Crème box! I love crispy Crème and never get it as the nearest location is on Crenshaw. (just had a good old fashioned earthquake as I write this) The only problem with KC donuts is that you eat them so fast and want more. Thankfully she brought two.

Today I went to my lady’s aunts’ church and afterwards we had a big ass Carribbean meal. I cant even begin to tell you what was what. There were two kinds of chicken (one jerk style and the other yellow), rice and beans (I ignored the beans), beef, and cornbread. My inner fat kid was all kinds of happy. I swear, one of the best things about dating someone with Carribean heritage is the awesome ass food you can eat. Everything is full of spices and flavor. Oh, her mom also made some plantaines and I got my grub on. She let me take some home which I will eat for dessert after this steak settles.

Rockets.

Eat Me!!!

Yes, my friends. That is indeed a big ass delicious hotdog from the world famous Pink’s! Bob, I know you’re proud of me. We were just talking about that place yesterday. My lady asked if I wanted to go tonight and of course I did. She got an Ozzy Dog and I got myself the monster known as the Liberty Dog. And much like the good old U.S of A, it was fatter than it needed to be and messy.

Bacon.

Pastrami.

Lettuce.

Tomato.

Clogged arteries.

This thing was messy but very good. I couldn’t finish the damned thing. The parts that fell off were a meal in and of itself! I am so glad that I’ve finally gone there. A huge sign nearby Pink’s is an advertisement for Carney’s. Its that hotdog place up on Sunset that looks like a train car. That place blows. I have had it enough to make this judgment. Bad service. Slow delivery. And tiny ass hotdogs that taste just like regular ass hotdogs. They try to cover up this fact by burying it in onions. For shame!

So if you’re in L.A and in decent health, I say try Pink’s. I am amongst the converted. I have seen the light. I have touched the hand of God. I have done serious damage to my colon for which there may not be enough penance!

Rockets.

Chicken, Children, Cookies, & Cream

So between going to Hooter’s yesterday and Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles today I am feeling all kinds of good! I was sitting here today just reading this Steve Martini book called Shadow of Power and making my latest Podcast when my cousin Malakia called. She asked if I had ever been to Roscoe before. I told her that I had but it was a couple of years ago. She’s like “Well, never mind then.” Whatever! I tell her that I still want some. So she says she is nearby with her nieces and will be here soon.

She gets here and has these two little girls with a ton of hair on their heads. We get to Roscoe and get a table immediately. I thought we would have to wait since there were folks just waiting around outside and near the front door. I got the Number 9 (three wings and a waffle) with some tea/lemonade my cousin talked me into. It turned out to be a new taste and delicious. We finished up and saw someone laying on the ground while cops looked on.

We headed to get some stuff for Malakia’s mom for Mother’s Day tomorrow. The whole time her nieces are talking. Eventually we head to a show store for Malakia to get some stuff. She leaves me in the car with the kids. Oh, we grabbed another kid on the way. A baby girl named Trinity. Yeah. So the girls proceed to ask me random ass questions.

“What’s your favorite cartoon?” (Family Guy)

“If you were stuck on an island what would you bring?” (lotion)

“How old are you?” (812)

“Why do you act like you’re 5?” (I have a condition)

The island question was funny. They said they would bring a fridge full of food. I told them to enjoy their food while being all kinds of ashy. They said at least they’d be full of food. I reminded them that they wouldn’t be able to open their mouths to eat because they would be so ashy that when they took a bite their lips would bleed. Good times.

After that we headed to Rite-Aid and got some ice cream (cookies and cream!). I was dropped off and Malakia shouted out her window that the girls said I should be a comedian to which I replied “Meh!!!” I had a fun day and got some awesome ass food. I am really enjoying life right now.

Rockets.

Tattoos, Thai, & Travelling

So I had fun today. After reading, listening to podcasts, painting, and talking on the phone, I waited for my best friend/sister Cam to arrive. We were headed to get a tattoo for her. No, I haven’t gotten one yet. I was gonna stay with her while my other friend Ikuko gave her one. I’m sure it will look awesome when its done.

We get to Purple Panther and Ikuko and Cam finally meet after all the back and forth and phone calls to set this up. Cam shows her what she wants and they discuss it. Time to get a tattoo, right? No. By the time we got there and tried to cross the street during busy ass Sunset Blvd. traffic some dude was already there and Ikuko was working on him. Damn it. So we are heading back tomorrow night to get it done.

Next we went to Toi, this Thai place. Sorry. Rockin’ Thai. The place looked really cool! It was right across the street from Ikuko’s job. We got a good seat and I got the chicken pad see ew and of course a Thai iced tea. I tend to get this meal whenever I go to a Thai place for the first time. If they cant get this right then ordering a more complex meal ain’t happening.

The food was great! And huge! That was the most pad see ew I ever got. We shared our meals and I still have enough for two more meals. This is me pleased. Did I mention that they were playing an old The Who concert while we ate? Oh, before we went there we headed to Meltdown Comics and looked at stuff. I miss the days of going to a comic shop and being excited. Now I just look around like “What the hell is all this crap?” Nothing grabs me the way it used to comic book wise. Everything seems unoriginal and rehashed. Once I saw a “Greatest American Hero” comic book I knew it was time to go.

We began a search for the perfect comforter for Cam at one of my ex’s old jobs. Some of her old co-workers were there and looked at me like I was a ghost. It was funny. Cam found some towels but not a comforter. I saw some cheap curtains I will have to head back there for eventually. Meaning when I start working. We then headed to Cost Plus World Market. I had to talk Cam out of buying a damn near $50 pillow. They have a lot of cool stuff at that place. I had seen it a hundred times but never went in there. I add it to my list of places to buy random shit like cool popcorn buckets and odd spices. Oh, and on Fairfax we got stuck in traffic after this Armenian protest. I'm actually not sure if it were a protest of a parade. I actually thought it was a celebration of soccer with all the flags I saw.

We finally headed to Cam’s place and watched this cool ass Russian film called “Night Watch.” I cant even begin to explain what this film is about exactly. Just look it up because whatever I tell you about it will just sound strange and I might talk you out of seeing it. So, yeah. I had a cool day with my sister and all is right with the world. Now only if my girlfriend would get her ass home and give me a call…

Rockets.

The Day Part 2

So me and Sam get there a few minutes late. If I had known how slow everyone there at the probation office fingerprinting place worked I would’ve gotten there by foot and still been on time. It made no sense. The rain had stopped and it was actually bright and sunny over there in Downey.

I walk in and sign in. There are a couple dudes there and the security guy flexing what little power he has by forcing people that have worked there for decades to sign in before he allows them inside. Assholes. I sit there until around 10am when someone finally drags their ass to the front desk to let us do what we came there to do. I head into the back and fill out some more forms.

The lady at the desk was so unhelpful and had the shittiest attitude. You have a job! Be happy! Live it or lie it! After over half an hour I had to head to another room and get fingerprinted. Now, me and this other dude chatted. I actually initiated it. Yay, me. He writes scripts and I gave him some tips. He thanked me and the lady started fingering me. Ew…

I swear she just learned how to do it. And just like I predicted, my long ass fingers made getting decent prints difficult. I was finally done after taking two minutes a finger, got my paper, and left. I went searching for Sam and couldn’t find him. He says he never moved. I don’t believe him. I went to a gas station and tried the pay phone but it just took what little change I own. I wanted to smash it. I turned and saw Sam heading into Carl’s Jr. and caught up to him inside. He asked if I was hungry. Just in case anyone is wondering; if you ask me if I’m hungry the answer is yes. I am out of work and survive off of Ramen and whatever leftovers I get. We ate and talked about comics and county jobs. We laughed at a 400lb security guard. I don’t like fat guards and cops. I always think that since they cant chase you they’re more likely to pop a cap in your ass.

Oh, I left out a part. When I went back inside the place to see if they had a pay phone I could use the guy said they did and for this big, Black, goofy looking chick that was security to let me in. She said:

“You done with ya business inside?”

“Yes.”

“Then I ain’t lettin’ you back in!”

Yeah, because since I just got fingerprinted, gave you my address, social security number, and all my background information, now is the time for me to wild out and strike at the government. Bitch. Just let me use the goddamn phone!

We eat and head back this way. We get to Meltdown, a comic shop on Sunset and look at random stuff and complain about how comics just aren’t all that great anymore. He invited me to a convention next month. I agreed and it should be fun. We came back to my place and I gave him my stories that we hope to publish in the coming months. I also told him that the two of us should draw three pictures each to take to the convention. He agreed. This should be cool.

Now, I am home and resting my poor legs. It wasn’t so bad overall. I got to see my sister and hang with a friend. I chatted with my mother for a bit and it actually wasn’t horrible. Maybe things will look up now. I got food in my belly, a roof over my head, and people that still love me. Now if only I hadn’t stepped in a huge puddle minutes after bragging to Camille that my shoes were water proof…

Rockets.