My Family Goes H.A.M

I’m not super close to my family. I don’t go over for holidays or call to see how everyone is doing. But one thing I will say about my family is that they are very protective of one another. Or they just love violence. Either way it was never a good idea to fuck with my family. Our family tree has many branches and they all spit fire and praise Cthulhu.

A couple of instances involve my brother Jay. Twice I’ve seen him destroy kids. We were little at the time. Don’t think my brother is just going around beating the hell out of children. The first was on my Grandmama’s street. Lots of crazy shit from my childhood happened there by the way. 47th & Central was like the set of Platoon.

Rosscast Episode 79: Who The Hell Is Dante?!

In this episode I give some random information about myself to old friends and new listeners. I talk about my brothers and sister, my relationships with my friends, explain what Dantania is, answer some listener questions, and other random psychobabble. Click here to download this and older episodes. Enjoy!

Rosscat Episode 61: Breaking Bad

In this episode I talk about my awesome Labor Day weekend, barbeques, cooking, and Tila Tequila saying she got roughed up. I also squeeze in a rant about the President's state of the Union address for kids. This link will allow you to download this and older episodes. Enjoy!

In The Eyes...

In about four week’s at my girlfriends church they are gonna be talking about the legacy of our fathers. This got me thinking about the stuff that our families do that affect us. I’m not just talking about how they treated us when we were growing up or who we actually got to see. This goes a bit deeper. I’m talking on a microscopic, DNA, generational type of thing.

I chose the picture of my eye as an example. For years I have told people that I have a grey outline in my eyes. What’s funny is that I never tried to figure out why. One day I did and the results were surprising. It turns out that families with a history of high blood pressure has this occur throughout their bloodlines. I don’t have high blood pressure. I was actually told I had low blood pressure when I was around 14 (which has no since been changed to whatever regular ass blood pressure is). But its just funny to me that something that many people in my family had could affect me physically.

I wonder lots of times what other strange things that go on with my body are the result of my family. I know its where I got my feet from (known as “Ross toes”). My mother loves to make fun of the shape of my nose which is from my fathers side of the family. Bad vision runs on each side. My crazy ass fingers come from my late Grandma (man, it’s weird to write that). The straight teeth and height are an oddity though. My family isn’t tall and has a lot of mouth issues. I jacked my teeth up plenty growing up either by having them knocked out or allowing them to rot out. Hell, even the fact that I draw comes from my Grandmama that used to draw (she said her father made her stop as it was “unladylike”), my father, and my late older brother. What the hell else is hiding inside of me?

Besides that kinda stuff there is also the terrible stuff we get from family. This is a good reason to know some of your family history. You don’t want to find out at 45 that most men in your family die at 50 from a disease you kept yourself from knowing because you ignored your entire family. Yeah, I have kept my distance from mine but over the last few years have gotten closer. There are things I need to know. This is one of the reasons why I will be sure to be in church. Physically and mentally there are things I know and things I don’t. Why is alcoholism so strong in my family. How about drug use? Denial? All these things. So now spiritually I need to find out some stuff.

Rockets.

Rosscast Episode 35: "Don't Hurt 'Em, D!"

In this episode I go off on my punkass father. I talk about my lovely Grandma's funeral today and how I fell down twice while skating at World On Wheels lastnight. I manage to squeeze in some news about Obama, Hillary Clinton, women shooting their husbands in the nuts, and more. Enjoy!

Chicken, Children, Cookies, & Cream

So between going to Hooter’s yesterday and Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles today I am feeling all kinds of good! I was sitting here today just reading this Steve Martini book called Shadow of Power and making my latest Podcast when my cousin Malakia called. She asked if I had ever been to Roscoe before. I told her that I had but it was a couple of years ago. She’s like “Well, never mind then.” Whatever! I tell her that I still want some. So she says she is nearby with her nieces and will be here soon.

She gets here and has these two little girls with a ton of hair on their heads. We get to Roscoe and get a table immediately. I thought we would have to wait since there were folks just waiting around outside and near the front door. I got the Number 9 (three wings and a waffle) with some tea/lemonade my cousin talked me into. It turned out to be a new taste and delicious. We finished up and saw someone laying on the ground while cops looked on.

We headed to get some stuff for Malakia’s mom for Mother’s Day tomorrow. The whole time her nieces are talking. Eventually we head to a show store for Malakia to get some stuff. She leaves me in the car with the kids. Oh, we grabbed another kid on the way. A baby girl named Trinity. Yeah. So the girls proceed to ask me random ass questions.

“What’s your favorite cartoon?” (Family Guy)

“If you were stuck on an island what would you bring?” (lotion)

“How old are you?” (812)

“Why do you act like you’re 5?” (I have a condition)

The island question was funny. They said they would bring a fridge full of food. I told them to enjoy their food while being all kinds of ashy. They said at least they’d be full of food. I reminded them that they wouldn’t be able to open their mouths to eat because they would be so ashy that when they took a bite their lips would bleed. Good times.

After that we headed to Rite-Aid and got some ice cream (cookies and cream!). I was dropped off and Malakia shouted out her window that the girls said I should be a comedian to which I replied “Meh!!!” I had a fun day and got some awesome ass food. I am really enjoying life right now.

Rockets.

Easter 2009 Was Super Fine

So Easter kicked ass. Yeah, I know how weird that sentence sounds. I really enjoyed the holiday. Easter has tended to be a left out holiday on my part. The only one that really stands out was one years ago where I ripped my ugly ass shirt on a bathroom stall and had to hold my shirt closed the rest of the day. I think this is the underlying reason I always were an undershirt.

I met my lady at The Forum for their big Easter celebration. It felt good since we hadn’t been in the huge church in a few months. Maybe four months. I felt good and couldn’t stop looking at how huge the crowd was. But something even stronger than God was calling me. Hunger!

I’m getting ahead of myself. Me and my lady made two pineapple upside down cakes! This was yesterday the day before Easter. I was afraid that I would mess these up since I have never made them before. I was expecting to make a hot mess.

We headed to Ralph’s and got all the magical ingredients needed. They were very simple. Cherries, butter, brown sugar, cake mix, and pineapples. Seems easy so far. We put everything the pans and arraigned the pineapples to look nice and pretty.

Next my lady made the cake batter. At the same time we were making dinner and dessert. We had cheese ravioli with meat sauce, garlic bread, and cherry Jell-O with Sprite. Oh, it was tasty!

The cakes were done. We removed them from the over and flipped it upside down (get it?) and let it cool off. The end result was great! It looked like an actual pineapple upside down cake! I wasn’t sure what I was expecting it to look like but I just figured I would find some way to mess it up. We made two awesome “looking” cakes that we couldn’t taste until Easter dinner.

Okay, back to Easter. So after church we headed to my lady’s place. I stared at her mean cat and then chatted with her dad for a bit. He is so cool. Afterwards we head to her aunts place for lunch. Everyone is there and we have fun talking. I’m not that used to this with my family so its cool. We talk about everything from religion, Chris Brown, pirates, basketball, and Guyana.

Later we all sat around and birthday speeches were given. Everyone would tell folks what they thought about and wished for them for their birthday. Everyone had nothing but nice things to say about me and it made my heart smile. I felt like the Grinch when he changed. We had some awesome food from ham, plantains, chicken, rice, macaroni, and potato salad topped off with peach cobbler, our cake, and home made strawberry ice cream. Oh, and some home made ginger beer! My stomach was quite pleased.

I called my parents to see if they were doing anything still. My mother didn’t answer so I was like “Oh, well…” while cheering on the inside. Me and my lady headed to the 99 Cent store and grabbed a bunch of chips after a jones started because she bought some Flaming Hot Cheetoos earlier in the day. My mother called and said almost everyone was gone except for a couple people I don’t really care for. We came back to my place, rested, and split. I got to talk to my sisters Cam and Heidi for a bit tonight, too. How much love can one man stand?!

As the great rapper Ice Cube once said: “Today was a good day.”

Rockets.

"Playing In Traffic"

A long time ago I was gonna write a story. Not really a story, more like an autobiography. No, I don’t think that I have led such an interesting life that everyone should be clamoring to read about me. But in my 30 years I have somehow managed to cram in a lot of strange shit. My story was gonna start off with a certain incident in particular.

When I was about 7 years old my parents had split up for a couple of weeks. I guess one night my pa went a little too far and my mother had enough of it. I woke up thinking I was late for Grandmama’s only to be welcomed to a house with almost everything in the house packed. I asked my mother what was wrong and she pointed to this dent in the wall. Apparently a lotion bottle had missed its target and hit the wall. I can guarantee you that if it had hit its target someone would have been in jail and someone would’ve missed work.

So with everything packed but my fish tank, a couple of mattresses on the floor, and a table we were off. To where? A shithole. That’s the best way I can describe the place. Yes, we stayed with someone. It was someone I had no love for and couldn’t stand to look at. I wont get into who the person was here. But believe me: this person was an asshole.

The house was a shit house on a shit street in a shit part of Los Angeles. My oldest brother got his own room (which I would sneak into and steal his Mamba candy) and I shared with my two other brothers. I spent my time between the crap shack and my Grandmama’s house while my mother was at work. During this time while walking to the store (yes, as a child I would walk to the store all by myself; apparently I did it when I was 2 years old once).

I was crossing the street and all of a sudden I was on the ground. I remember hearing a crunch before I went down. I looked up and the light turned green. Two cars sped away and I tried to stand up.

“You okay?” a guy asked me.

“Yeah” I lied. I wasn’t okay. I was the opposite of okay. I was un-okay. I held my right arm and started walking back to my grand mamma’s place. My cousin saw me before I got there and asked me what was wrong. “I got hit by a car” I told him. “Don’t tell Grandmama.” He said he wouldn’t and ran home and told her. She called my mother and she proceeded to curse me out.

“What the fuck yo stupid ass doin’ playin’ in the street?! Keep yo stupid ass inside!” she screamed.

Nothing like a mothers love, huh? A few days after this my parents decided enough time had passed and we moved back in. It sucked. On the weekend while they were split we actually went to church. I got to see my pa’s side of the family and it was cool. We watched movies and hung out like normal fathers and sons. I watched “An American Tail” and cried like a little bitch. Good times.

When we moved back my father went back to drinking. As we moved everything back inside my father walked over to me and sat down next to me looking pissed off.

“So you got hit by a car, huh?” he asked me. I burst into tears. I still don’t know why I did. Maybe I thought I was gonna get hit because of it. Maybe I was hoping that he was gonna feel some sympathy. Maybe I thought that after all the bullshit the family had just been through that maybe the chance that your youngest son almost being killed would make some kinda difference. It didn’t. He wrapped my arm in sports tape and that was that. No doctor. No check up. No anything.

To this day my knee is still fucked up. I can make it click if I keep it tight and straighten it. My arm doesn’t bother me. I always wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t been hit that day. I had always thought that my parents weren’t too fond of me. Hell, my mother told me I was an accident. That day I knew they didn't like me. Today if you ask her about me being hit by a car she says it didn’t happen. She has a way of forgetting almost all of my childhood. I wish I had that luxury.

Oh, and the name of my autobiography was gonna be titled “Playing In Traffic.”

Rockets.

One Day 1

Normally on my myspace account I post blogs about my hundreds of stories or embarrassing days in my life. Recently I talked to a friend about something that happened to my sister when she was younger. It was funny so I thought I’d write about it here.

It starts with the fact that my little sister had bad teeth growing up. Not bad genetically. She made them bad with help from my mother. She let her suck on her bottle until she was 5 years old. Yeah. Anyhoot, it got to a point where she went to a dentist to get her mouth handled. What followed was one of the funniest days, moments, situations I have ever experienced.

So it was one of those rare moments where me and my brothers were all in the same room at the same time. Kevin, Luther, Jaron, and I were sitting in the den. I was about 12 or 13. Maybe 13. So we’re sitting there and my mother comes in and says:

“Don’t ya’ll say nothing about her teeth” and marches into her room. My father follows her and disappears. Now me and my brothers are waiting like, “What can be so bad?”

It was bad.

As soon as she came into the room we started dying laughing! I don’t know what dentist she went to. Maybe Mengala. But he put teeth in her mouth that were too big for me as an adult! My brother Kevin fell on the floor. I couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard. Jaron started wheezing. This was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

“Stop laughing!” she shouted which of course made us laugh even harder. Kevin started stomping like a horse. Luther couldn’t stop laughing. I know in hindsight this was probably very mean to laugh at her this way but growing up with four older brothers made her tough.

They ended up sawing these teeth down about a week later. But whenever I think about the way her mouth looked I cant help but laugh like an ass. Maybe one day I will talk about this day with my sister and laugh fondly. Until that day…hahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Rockets.

Thanks And Stuff...

Today was my official last day at work. And yes, I still feel fine. I am kinda bummed about the other job I was looking forward to heading falling through. Well, falling through is putting it lightly. It crashed.

The guy at the staffing place was all excited about the job he thought was perfect for me and would “utilize my skills!” I was already nervous heading in. It was like what I was doing in the mail room but with driving. In Torrance. And Hawthorne. Daily. Multiple times. For less pay. I passed. I mean, besides the fact that I don’t drive. More on that in some other blog.

The thing that bugs me more than anything is that I am an awesome ass worker. There hasn’t been a job yet that I’ve had that was hard for me to do. I’ve worked at two pet stores. I’ve read scripts. I worked at an adult store for damn near a decade. I worked at a hospital for over two years. Hell, the last time I worked at a hospital I had to move friggin’ dead bodies! What can’t I do?

Hold down a job apparently.

See, that’s just me being negative. I know that I can hold down jobs. Most folks I know have had way more jobs than me in a few years than I have in the 11 years since graduating. I hate change. I like stability. I am not one of those people that die if I’m not constantly trying new things. Does that make me boring? Maybe to most. But I like knowing what’s coming next.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I’ll be hanging with my lady and her family. Yeah, I’ll be dodging my family as I am ought to do. I saw them a few months ago for the “reunion” and that was enough for me. I hope everyone has a cool ass Thanksgiving and actually use the holiday for what its really for: being thankful. Me, I’m thankful for the awesome ass friends I have in my life, Kirby, Michelle, Lois, Andrea, Alex, Kiyoshi, and Merlyn. My sisters Camille, Heidi, and Jasmine. My family, Jaron, Ashley, Malakia, Ursula, Ebony, and Tony. And of course, my beautiful woman, Jess. I am thankful for the good and bad times I had this year because they taught me that I can make it through so much in my strange little life. Take care of yourselves. Rockets.

The Parent Trap

I always say how I never say I am sorry about things. I just try not to do anything to fuck folks over and hope they return the favor. People say sorry to me and I don’t know how to take it. I mean, I’m not gonna forget what they said or did. So I don’t accept the apologies. Damn it. What is a man to do?

Whenever I think about my childhood I have some fun ass memories. I remember jumping from roof tops, riding in shopping carts, wrestling with my brothers and cousins, riding my bike in the backyard for hours until I remembered that I had to eat. But then I recall all the bad shit. The alcoholism from my dad. Being beaten. Having my own mother call me an asshole like it was my actual name. Parents of the Year candidates, they were not.

I know the thing that bugs me most is that they haven’t apologized. Yeah, it makes no sense. I don’t accept them and I figure its because people say them and all’s I can think is “Why the fuck don’t my parents apologize for how they treated me?” The things is they don’t remember. They legit never even acknowledge it. My mother has the memory of a goldfish and my father was drunk during most of my childhood. How can I expect someone to apologize for something they don’t remember? Oh, now you see the dichotomy I have set myself (or was born) into?

I used to wish that my parents would divorce. They split for a few weeks and it sucked so much dick and ruled so much ass at the same time. Like, on the weekends we stayed with my father and it was awesome. We went to church and I got to see my family that my mother let us see. We would rent movies (one of them being “American Tail” which I cant watch to this day because it made me cry like a bitch). And my fish tank was there. Then it would end and we’d have to go back to my mother and live in Sucksville, CA. Oh, and during this time I got hit by a car. Good times.

I know that one day I will have to forgive them. I know this. But damn it, it seems like I’m gonna fight it until the end. Maybe one day I will have an epiphany and all will be forgiven. Who knows? Stranger things have happened. Until that day I will keep seeing them once a year, not calling often, and keeping my life private from them. Rockets.