Dante Vs. Nature 61

Two lions at a zoo in Chile had to be killed because some assclown decided to jump into the lion pit with some and fuck with them. I am not a fan of nature and all the magical ways it can fuck with me so I try to stay away from it. This guy, 20 year old Franco Luis Ferrada, was allegedly suicidal (due to a possible note he left) and jumped into the lions enclosure. From there he started poking fun at the lions which are not fans of that kinda thing. Did I mention that he was butt booty ass naked? Yeah. He was. That is like taking me to a farm and the pigs are covered in bacon. The lions started attacking Franco because that and fucking is what lions do.

Zoo officials shot tranquilizer darts and ended up hitting dude in the neck. The also tried to wet the lions and that didn't work. Franco was being chewed up so they ended up having to shoot and kill the lions. The zoo director said Alejandra Montalva said “When a person's life is at risk, you have to sacrifice the animals. The shooter decided to save the life of the person and unfortunately we had to sacrifice two members of our family.” Nah. I say in this case or future ones, which there will be, you let the lions handle it. Franco is in critical condition and there are people upset at the zoo for killing the lions. I think it is stupid to make zoos. I think it is stupid to be set up to where idiots can climb into where lions are. Everyone is a loser except the dead lions that got to be natural for a few moments.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.  

Dante Vs. Nature 52

Nature is a hot hooker with a police badge hidden in her purse. You can think you are safe from it and then the next thing you know you're being written about by some random ass Blacker halfway across the globe. This 22 year old American chick was killed by a female lion after having her window somewhat rolled down during a tour of a place called The Lion Park in Johannesburg, South Africa. The guy driving the car was hurt while trying to fight off the lion but he ain't dead.

Scott Simpson who is the assistant operations manager at the park said “We had a gentleman and a lady driving with the windows wide open. The lion came through the passenger side window and attacked her. The man sustained slight injuries trying to fight her off. Our staff working at the top of the camp tried to get the lion away from the car. Ambulances were called immediately but it was too late.” He then passed the back saying “We make it so clear. We put signage up everywhere that people must keep their windows closed. We hand them a slip of paper when they enter the park; I really don't understand why people think its OK to leave windows open.”

Dante Vs. Nature 44

Me and nature have a deal. I stay away from it and it is supposed to stay away from me. Works most of the time. But there are laces called zoos and sanctuaries where nature is locked up and for some reason we feel like things are safer. I'm sure Renae Ferguson thought she was safe when she asked one of the zookeepers at the Sunrise Side Nature Trail and Exotic Park if she could pet a lion. “I put my hand down there to pet it and it ripped my finger” she said. “I would like to see more precautions taken to protect the people as well as the animals.” More like protect the animals from goofy ass people who think that it is fine to pet an animal that kills other creatures with its face. Its face! Even in the face of logic as well as the king of the jungle she thinks that she isn't at fault. She was surprised that a lion bit her finger when she tried to pet it. Read that sentence again and let it marinate for a few seconds. She said the park told her not to tell anyone what happened.The zoo has a different story.

“The lady went into the security area and was told by the guide to get back and the lady stated she wanted to touch the lion and continued, against the guide's warning, to put her finger inside the fence and the lion nipped the end of her finger.” Just by looking at her picture I believe the parks side of the story, then I listened to her talk and not sound sound like a dick, but anyone who thinks the phrase “Oh, my gosh!” after having their fingertip bitten off probably ate paint chips and bit the family dogs tail growing up.