Monday, June 1, 2015

Dante Vs. Nature 52

Nature is a hot hooker with a police badge hidden in her purse. You can think you are safe from it and then the next thing you know you're being written about by some random ass Blacker halfway across the globe. This 22 year old American chick was killed by a female lion after having her window somewhat rolled down during a tour of a place called The Lion Park in Johannesburg, South Africa. The guy driving the car was hurt while trying to fight off the lion but he ain't dead.

Scott Simpson who is the assistant operations manager at the park said “We had a gentleman and a lady driving with the windows wide open. The lion came through the passenger side window and attacked her. The man sustained slight injuries trying to fight her off. Our staff working at the top of the camp tried to get the lion away from the car. Ambulances were called immediately but it was too late.” He then passed the back saying “We make it so clear. We put signage up everywhere that people must keep their windows closed. We hand them a slip of paper when they enter the park; I really don't understand why people think its OK to leave windows open.”

If shit gets hairy windshield wipers stop animal attacks. Right?

I don't understand why you'd let people drive through a goddamn place filled with lions in their own cars. They have those big trucks with cages that you can take but there is a dumb option which is to take your own car. Most people wouldn't want their car traveling through Skid Row let alone a lion park. I've seen multiple friends freak out when a bee got too close to their car. Imagine a lion.

In movies and stuff they like to make it seem like male lions are the dangerous ones. Well, as the French say: that's total bullshit. The female lions are the ones that do all the killing and work then the male lion shows up like “What's cookin'?” The lion that killed this girl is being held away from the other lions for doing what a lion does. If she was at Wal-Mart and attacked by a lion, that'd be shocking. If you told me a friend was attacked by a lion I'd ask where they were. If they said “Aisle 5” I'd say kill that damned hair monster. But...if you told me it happened in Africa at a lion park because they had the window to their Prius down, well, the circle of life is complete.

They say this is the third attack and first death at the park since it opened in 1966. I find that hard to believe. Let me see how many folks have died at Disneyland since 1966. 11 people have from what I found. And you're telling me this is the only one in almost 50 years? With the two other attacks a guy left his window open and some 13 year old decided to ride his bike through the park and a cheetah got his ass. I don't get the appeal of places like this. I went to a zoo once in my life. I never need to go again. Shit's depressing. But if I do go again guess what I won't be doing? Climbing into the cages.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.  

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