Hot Mama Arrested

Whether you want to believe it or not, when you are a certain level of attractive you can get away with certain things in life more often than someone who is not genetically gifted physically. It also helps if you are a middle aged White woman who can wear the fuck out of some tight jeans. Seriously. That is a thing for me. If a woman can wear some tight ass jeans that look like they were sewn around her I get happy...in my pants. You should probably stop reading now if that upset you because I'm like reverse wine in a lot of ways. And I like women with mom bodies. This is 38 year old mother Brooke Lajiness of Michigan. She went to court a couple weeks back because she is accused of having sex with a 14 year old boy between eight and fifteen times (who's counting?) and sending butt booty ass naked pictures to one another. This began in the summer of last year. Know what I was doing summer of last year? Working and not even close to getting 38 year old White lady ass, that's what. I like her even in court. Not sure I like that shirt and scarf ensemble though. But no make up or jewelry? Tell me more!

Kids These Days 69

Sometimes there are stories that I find out about and it just makes me want to interview the perpetrator or the parents of them and just ask “How come? What can I do to make sure none of my friends kids turn out like you?” I also think there are some crimes where instead of jail I suggest an island where they are given backpacks with various weapons and they fight for survival. A “battle royale” if you will. Either way, this 17 year old girl Lestina Marie Smith is a great candidate for my island idea. She is charged with raping a man. You hear that? It was the sound of thousands of men and women rolling their eyes. Yes, it makes a sound.

So Lestina—by the way. Watch what the hell you name your kids. Anyhoot, Lestina, from Michigan, raped a guy 19 year old guy at knife point. At knife point she made him give her oral sex and regular sex. She has been charged with two first degree felony criminal sexual assault charges. If she is convicted, which she should be, she can get life in prison. Even if she gets off on one charge she can still do life. Of course ignorant ass people are questioning whether or not a man can be raped. Let me just grab some random comments from people on Facebook and the dumb shit they are saying.

Woman Kills Friend With Crock Pot

Ever since I was little I knew that there were certain people that you didn't fuck with or get into arguments with. Not just because having all your teeth is awesome but because you just don't know what other people are going through. A 50 year old woman from Michigan named Tewana Sullivan beat her friend to death with a slow cooker after getting into a political debate.

She was charged with assault with the intent to kill but once the judge found out that the friend was dead he changed it to first-degree murder. How did the judge not know that going in? Court confuses me. This all went down on October 22nd last year. Police got to Cheryl Livy's place in a senior living complex a little before 11pm.

They found her all kinds of bloody and barely breathing. Standing over her was Sullivan saying “I'm sorry. I did it. I'm sorry. I did it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” She and the walls were covered in blood. Police saw that the cord of the slow cooker was wrapped around Livy's neck. The crock pot was busted over her head first. She died two days later from her injuries.

Dante Vs. Nature 44

Me and nature have a deal. I stay away from it and it is supposed to stay away from me. Works most of the time. But there are laces called zoos and sanctuaries where nature is locked up and for some reason we feel like things are safer. I'm sure Renae Ferguson thought she was safe when she asked one of the zookeepers at the Sunrise Side Nature Trail and Exotic Park if she could pet a lion. “I put my hand down there to pet it and it ripped my finger” she said. “I would like to see more precautions taken to protect the people as well as the animals.” More like protect the animals from goofy ass people who think that it is fine to pet an animal that kills other creatures with its face. Its face! Even in the face of logic as well as the king of the jungle she thinks that she isn't at fault. She was surprised that a lion bit her finger when she tried to pet it. Read that sentence again and let it marinate for a few seconds. She said the park told her not to tell anyone what happened.The zoo has a different story.

“The lady went into the security area and was told by the guide to get back and the lady stated she wanted to touch the lion and continued, against the guide's warning, to put her finger inside the fence and the lion nipped the end of her finger.” Just by looking at her picture I believe the parks side of the story, then I listened to her talk and not sound sound like a dick, but anyone who thinks the phrase “Oh, my gosh!” after having their fingertip bitten off probably ate paint chips and bit the family dogs tail growing up.

From The Windows To The Wall

Damn, damn, daaaaaaamn!!! Heather sent me this story and I shook my head so hard that my eyes rolled into the back of my head, I saw my future, got scared, then returned to the present. 58 year old Sadie Bell of Michigan shot her 60 year old boyfriend Edward Lee in the gut because he didn't produce enough man gravy after having sex. Why? Because she thought this meant that he was having an affair. Now...come on. She was arrested and has been released on bond because she's a woman. Assistant Oakland County Prosecutor Paul Walton said “She was pretty graphic about why she had shot him. She was convinced he was having an affair. She reached this conclusion by the fact that he didn't produce enough ejaculate. So she shot him in the stomach.” An appeal has been made to appeal the bond. Lee ended up in the hospital for five weeks having surgery on his liver, kidney, pancreas, and colon.

And why is shooting someone for making a low amount of salt malt a thing that needs to happen? There are pills and diets guys try to go on to make themselves produce more and it is never for the purpose of having children. It is because there are guys in porn that can change the color of your room when they cum and guys feel like we're supposed to do the same. There are even fake porn films where a guy has a giant fake penis and shoots fake population paste! Look. I don't want to know how to make more of something that can ruin my life. If I could cum and dust came out I'd be happy. Look like Lebron James at the beginning of an NBA game or make a chick look like Tank Girl in the shower.

Facebook Gets Drunk Arrested

Colleen Cudney, 22, of Michigan is on probation for drunk driving on St. Patrick's Day of 2012. After this past SPD she had to go in for a breathalyzer test and she passed it. Yay for her. But she couldn't leave it that because that's not how young folks roll. She had to let the world know of this achievement on her Facebook page and narc on herself at the same time. “Buzz killer for me, I had to breathalyze this morning and I drank yesterday but I passed thank god lol.” Yes. LOL indeed. God is good for allowing this to happen. Fuck the world's problems. He's gotta make sure your goofy ass pasts a drunk test. So the police found out about this because when you do dumb shit chances are cops are gonna be on your page. Also, chances are your page is wide open because people are stupid. She was contacted to come in for a piss test and hung up on them because that's how you avoid the law. Just hang up. You didn't know that? Crazy how simple it is. Its like when you get pulled over. Just stick your fingers in your ears and go “Lalalalalalalalala...” and they can't give you a ticket.

So she is due in court soon and could go to jail for just over three months. Could you imagine actually getting off scott free and outing yourself the way she did? She won if you want to call being a 22 year old on probation because you don't know how to drink responsibly and getting behind the wheel of a vehicle and having a criminal history and beating the system for a while. Why brag about it? If I had a friend that posted some dumb shit like this I'd call or message them and tell them to not be proud of being a jackass. Oh, and delete your status update! Did anyone congratulate her on accomplishing such a feat? For anyone thinking this is a waste of tax dollars and that there are far more dangerous people in the world, you may be a part of the problem. I've had family die because some idiot thought it was a good idea to get drunk and climb behind the wheel of a car. I say lock her up for three years. Why? Because I haven't eaten cereal yet and I'm in a mood.

We Going To Hell 6

Some 36 year old dude from Independence Township, Michigan was showing his woman how safe his three handguns were safe when loaded by putting them to his head and pulling the triggers. He didn't do this once. He did it three times. First gun fine. Second gun fine. Third gun and his dumb ass struck out. I mean, come on. Doing it once was stupid enough but when you literally dodge a bullet twice you are pushing luck that you just don't have.

He was hit in the head, naturally, when the gun went off. His girlfriend told the police tat he had been drinking for most of the damned day when he decided to show off gun safety. Three kids that did not belong to Shooty McGunshot ages 7, 10, and 12 were home at the time but did not witness this. Yay. Not to sound too mean but this guy cashed out early and society did not lose a champion. Its not like this woman or those three kids are gonna be worse off because a guy dating their mom got drunk and decided to play with guns. Plural. They say an autopsy is going to be done to see how this guy died.

Women Don't Fight Fair 3

Some people are passionate about their food. I love food. I write about it, I think about it a lot because there's a fat man inside just waiting to burst out. But I can't say I'm as passionate as Shaneka Monique Torres who is 29 going on 42. She got mad when a Michigan McDonald's messed up her order and decided that the logical thing to do was fire a bullet at the place because when you want bacon at 3:10am you really want your damned bacon!

When I first read this story I was kinda puzzled. I figured that there had to be more to this than meets the eye. So Detective Dante got to diggin'! So the way it is told, Torres got her order wrong, shot at the place, and left. But there's more to it because most women that have this hairstyle are making big life changes. A blond haired Black woman that is 5 foot 7 and 256lbs. trolling McDonald's at 3 in the morning can't be that hard to find. There's, like, maybe three women that come through like that around that time of night. So cops were able to find her rather quickly and locked her ass up on $50,000 bond and charged her with weapons and discharging a firearm.

The girl that was working the drive through had her family interviewed and they said that she was still scared because she didn't expect that someone would fire through a window because of an order gone wrong. I assumed that that was shown in the training videos when you were hired.

We Going To Hell

Hello, everyone. Once again I am back to present a segment from my now complete Rosscast Show. This one was called We Going To Hell which seems pretty self explanatory. Whether or not you believe in an actual hell, there are times when we need to tell someone to go there, burn there, or rot there. I troll the internets for stories where people do things that are just so damned ridiculous that they make us as humans look silly. Like a promotion that was going to throw a part on Martin Luther King Day that was centered around twerking.

Oh no...

In Michigan an event called “Freedom 2 Twerk” was going to be held on MLK weekend until the owner of the venue, Vincent McEwen, got a gander at the fliers that were being used for the event showing a photoshopped MLK throwing up a “west side” sign and wearing a gold chain along with a chick just happy as all get out to be a part of this historic event. The promoter of the event apparently thought noting was wrong with using MLK's image to promote a twerking based event because fuck using your head.