Dante Vs. Nature 63

I saw this story and laughed my ass off. I thought it was fake but triple checked and this shit is way true and proof that nature is a bitch with a bad sense of humor. This Chicago alderman named Howard Brookins Jr. has been very vocal about the squirrels in the city ruining the garbage cans and costing the city money but damaging the trash lids. One of the squirrels wasn't having that shit anymore and decided to take one for the team by launching its crazy little ass into his bike spokes while he was riding. I'm not kidding. Its in that picture all up in the spokes.

Brookins ended up with a broken nose, knocked out teeth, and fractured skull after he ended up flipping over the handlebars. I've done that shit before but I was a little kid. Not a grown ass man. And certainly not attacked by a woodland creature. Someone called 911 for him likely after calming down from laughing. “I can think of no other reason for this squirrel's actions than that it was like a suicide bomber, getting revenge.” I would say he sounded like a lying liar who lies but there is too much evidence that this squirrel was out for blood.

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Dante vs. Nature 9

I live in the mean city. The streets. Its rough here in the city what with the crime, the murder, the lack of women in West Hollywood, and the dangers of slipping on a used condom. But one thing I don’t have to worry about too much is fucking Mother Nature losing her grip on reality and unleashing beasts upon me.

But every so often nature does go off its rocker and I have to see a wild animal. They’re small in size but still make their presence known in various ways. Some its through sound. Some its through actions. And some fly overhead and shit on everything in their path. I give you…city nature!