We're alive. I know. Shocking, isn't it? As a child raised in the 80's in a world where for a quarter we could buy gun powder wrapped in paper and toss them at each other, toys where the second ingredient was lead, and train tracks were the third highest killer of children we managed to make it this far...and then fuck it all up for these beasts that we call children today. And you know what's to blame? No, not technology. At least not specifically. Its digital cameras.
Back
when I was little you had these things called Polaroids. You take a
terrible picture, shake it, and then save it as a treasured memory
because you only had about ten per pack. Now with digital cameras
parents are free to take as many pictures of their beloved child as
they want. Or they can hand the camera to them as they pose in
sexually suggestive positions. Sounds terrible, right?! Well buckle
up your seat belt, Mary, because this shit is only gonna get worse
from here.
What
You See
A
young mother wearing a thong (or bunched up draws because Victoria's
Secret still refuses to take EBT) in her bedroom taking a picture to
send to her man who is probably in Afghanistan fighting for our
country or her man in jail. Bless her heart.
What
Dante Sees
A
chick with a ten year old boys ass in a filthy ass room with her kid
taking the picture. Oh, you don't see the kid? Keep looking. No, its
not buried underneath the pile of shit on her floor. Seriously, you
couldn't have taken ten seconds to kick that shit to the side for the
picture? Maybe she couldn't because Jerry Springer was gonna be on at
any minute. There is nothing sexy about this picture. Hopefully this
kid never finds out that its in this picture with a mother that
likely uses a spittoon.
What
You See
A
child eating frosting or cake mix from a blender. Its so cute! Man, I
remember when I was little me and my cousin would fight over who got
to eat the last of the cake batter after my Grandmama made a
delicious chocolate cake. Ah, good times...
What
Dante Sees
The
current version of Maggie because once that thing goes off we'll all
be introduced to the new version. The new Maggie eats through straws,
wears bibs at the age of 32, and used to be able to say words with
S's in them without showering people with her last meal. What asshole
decided to take this picture instead of yanking this kid away from
certain mutilation?!
What
You See
A kinda cute Black chick in the bedroom with a massive ass taking a picture for (use everything I wrote with the dirty room chick but remove the fighting in a war part because I'm racist against my own kind sometimes). Random rap posters on the wall because fuck paintings.
What
Dante Sees
A
perfect example of what I mean when I say some chicks look better
with clothes on. Her ass and legs look like Edward James Olmos'
cheeks. And this picture is probably the reason she ended up with
that poor child in the crib. Oh, you didn't see it? There she is!
Like that colorful sprite that you had to find in old She-Ra
cartoons. She is just sitting in her crib wondering what it is like
to have a mama with class. Keep your babies out the goddamn picture!
All's she had to do was step a couple feet to the right and this
wouldn't be on this blog because I have no reason to post an image of
a chick with an ass that looks like the surface of the moon.
What
You See
A
young Black chick (goddamn it, again?!) posing in a leather corset
with sexy stockings. Maybe its for an ad for her new escort service.
Maybe its to please her man who is busy running the streets...in a
war. Maybe she wants to show off her new tattoos.
What
Dante Sees
I
see a little girl taking a picture of mommy who is dressed like a
crime fighter or hooker. A crime fighting hooker. Hmm. I need to
create that character. Why have the kid take the picture? I'm pretty
sure that most cameras have timers that you can set. My camera is
from before Obama's first term and it has a timer. Let that girl go
play with Barbie dolls, you trollop!
What
You See
A woman sucking a dick on top of a cake.
What
Dante Sees
A
woman sucking a dick on top of a cake...and teaching her child
racism. Look at how she passed up the Black dick! Yeah, I notice
things like that. Black dick get no love?! You suck that Black dick,
woman! Oh, lord. I think I just earned my Fast Pass to hell. So why
would this picture get taken in front of this kid? There are moments
in your childhood where you cant go back. One of mine was when I
found my uncle's Penthouse or whatever raunchy ass magazines he had.
They weren't Playboy's because that magazine don't show erect cocks
or man gravy. This one did! I couldn't un-see that. This kid saw her
mom, aunt, granny (?!) sucking cake dick. And now you have.
Welcome...to Dantania!
Click here for previous Parents Failing Hard.
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