Johnny Panic: We Got It From Here Part 6

Click here for previous Johnny Panic.

Life is so much easier when you don't have a family or love anyone more than yourself. I know it sounds super shitty but it is true. Before I had the love of my life Ronica and my baby Milly aka Portable Rave all I cared about was solving problems in time to go to the club or before In & Out closed and making sure my mom stayed away from tabloid racks. But as I fly below ginormous spaceships that are trying to destroy the planet and heading home I am more afraid of what my lady is gonna say and do to me than I am about the world being blown up. This sucks. On the bright side I took the full blast from a laser beam from an alien ship and all's it did was knock me out.

For six days.

Just Talking With Dante Episode 29

Jasmine is here! We talk about the failure that was the DTLA Donut Fest, eating at Chimney, taste test some sodas, and find out a shocking surprise about our new favorite donut spot Donut Friend. Click here to check out previous episodes.

 

Dante's New Word Alert: Cuck

When I watch people play video games (yeah, I watch Cartoonz up in my room) or when I see a video of an angry dude shouting before being knocked out they scream this word “cuck.” I was like “Do they mean what I think they mean?” because I thought it meant the word cuckold and due to some of my internet habits that means something way different and would be weird to shout at someone. Urban Dictionary, the foremost source of knowing what the fuck you kids are saying describe a cuck as:

“A man who lets his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. Often the man lets her do whatever she wants and treat him like shit” as well as “A man who is desperate for acceptance, approval, and affection from women. This desperation has led to the compromise of his beliefs and values, the desecration of his dignity and self-worth, and his inability to stand up for himself and what he deserves as a human being, eg. loyalty, fidelity, and honesty in a romantic relationship.”

Dante Saves You: Jurassic Park Edition

It has been years since I have tried to save you all and look at what's happened. Wars all over the world. A freak for a president. Hawaii is being very Hawaiian. It's nuts. So I have returned once again to try and teach you goofy bastards how to save yourself from yourselves because y'all like to leave the house and when that happens weird and violent shit occurs. In this Dante Saves You I'll save you from the various Jurassic Parks. Why? Because there are fucking dinosaurs there and you need to not go but decided to anyway because you wanted a selfie with something that could eat you and be hungry again before it even shits you out.

Kids These Days 77

I was talking to Cam a few days ago about things that were around when we were little and I thought of the vacuum. Yeah, they still make them these days but not the way they did when I was little. Probably because hundreds of children were devoured by them. My Grandmama had one that had to weigh about 40 pounds and had a spotlight on the front because...reasons. Maybe for vacuuming in the dark or under couches in which case your couch is too damned high if this could fit underneath it. If the weight was not enough you had to worry about all the different components. I also need to point out that it sounded like the apocalypse when it was on. 

Today if the vacuum is full you just take out the convenient compartment and dump it out. Groovy. Back in the day you had to throw out a bag, eat some of the dust whether you wanted to or not, and put on another bag. Simple. But not at all. After attaching the bag you would have to secure it with a black band (which after working in a porn shop realized looked exactly like cock rings) and hope you did it right. There was also a belt that made the brush turn. It was a whole thing that was not fun and I'd wait until someone else changed the bag because I liked cleaning but hated set up.